And then again there she was, embracing me into her warmth, always inviting always kind, her eyes shone like embers in the darkness engulfing us, but it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.. I could swear hundreds of times that it will be the most beautiful I’d ever see till the day I die.
She held me tighter for a second and let go, my arms were lonely again, but then she sat across from me, took my hands in hers and gave me a small toothy smile, I could see her barely as the clouds released the moonlight to filter through the darkness and onto us, we were glowing, we were glorious,
She spoke to me of times past, of times to come, of the lonely nights after lonely days and the longing to be seen, I sat there completely lost in her brilliant gaze– she never broke eye contact, and her amber gaze shifted like a storm as words flowed continuously, soft and harsh and cold and lonely, I wanted to reach out and stroke her head, but all I could do was hold on tighter to her hands, fingers intwined— “I am here” sign.
When she was done I knew the night was nearing an end, and that was all we had, I rarely ever see her but when she does appear to my eyes it’s always the most astounding memory anyone could hope for, the connection between us, the sensation of breathing and being alive— it was all her.
We spent the rest of the night naming stars that show up occasionally from the gaps in the clouds, ages have passed in a few hours but her warmth still surrounds me even now, after the cold days, during the blue and dry ones, and just like a high tide memories of her eyes wash over me and take me back, to her, to her smile, to our hands embracing tightly—her stormy eyes.
And I still hold on to that, when I look in the mirror on days when everything seems vain I can see her shadow within my eyes, a blessing and a curse of sorts, she stays beneath my skin, on sunny days I can hear her shouting out to the blue bright skies, soul raging and glorious as always— but in the end, they still call her monster.
They still curse her when she wears my face.
But to me she’s always the one who held me together, and the one love that held on the longest–the furthest.
and they just call her monster.
—[from the never-written book]
