#workplace issues

Off my usual topics, but I need your help!

It’s hard to navigate the workplace and hiring process. Office politics and behind the scenes secrets make it seem like those who get the jobs, promotions and raises know something other hard working professionals don’t. But we can combat these unfair advantages together.

I strive to do just that with “The Employee’s Advocate,” where I’ll collect all the tools and information for a successful #career so everyone has a fair chance.

I can’t do this all on my own though. That’s where you come in. Step one is this anonymous survey about unfair and unequal experiences in the workplace and hiring process. The results will help me gather the preliminary information and determine the next steps.

Getting as many people as possible to participate means a lot to me. We all have valuable information in our experiences. Let’s help each other out. Please take my survey and pass it along to others. Thanks!

https://shrl.ink/6oJR

Thanks for your time!

Hi Anon! Thank you for the ask! I think the answer to your question depends on a couple of factors, and so I'm just going to lay them all out so you can see what applies to you you.

To answer your practical question of can you do a thesis on asexuality: yes! If my advisor in translation studies (who honestly didn't like me that much) was supportive of my project in 2012, then yes, absolutely, there are faculty who would support you. There are also prominent scholars who have done asexuality research who either are not ace or have not said either way, so if that's how you wanted to play it, you wouldn't be the first. However, you would know best what the vibe is in your specific department. If you have peers you trust (and I hope you do!), you can ask for their opinions of the professors too. I also think you should seriously consider joining the Ace/Aro Scholars Support Network. They have a lot of good support, including for trying to figure out how to pitch your research project to your advisor. In order to protect people's privacy, there is a professor you have to either DM on Discord or email, and if you would message me again as yourself, I will send you back her contact info privately.

To answer your more circumspect question of how open you want to be: I think that really depends on where you see yourself going after your Master's. If you plan to continue on to a PhD or even stay in academia, then what your thesis project is is going to matter; if your career path is anything else: follow your heart!! I wasn't kidding when I said no one cares about my thesis. It doesn't have to go on your resume, or on your bookshelf, or anything if you don't want it to. If you have a research question you're passionate about, your thesis is going to be that much better for it, and after you finish, you never have to see any of these people again if you don't want to!

The other thing I would say to you is that I think we're a lot more self-conscious about how others are going to react when, in fact, most people literally do not care. Your reviewers are going to be reading your thesis to see if you can research well, not for whether or not they think asexuality is interesting per se. I still have mine next to me, and looking at it, neither of my reviewers mentioned anything of the sort. They were looking for the quality of the translation and the application of translation theory, that's it. (I actually have a classmate who used a technical manual for hers, so like, seriously.)

And then, the last thing I want to say is this: I have been an ace in the workforce for many years now, and I spent most of those years fully or semi-closeted, but my life changed a lot when I stopped accepting homophobic and transphobic environments and instead came to work in a place that lets me be who I am. We spend so much of our lives in our workplaces, and whether that's a university or a company or what have you, you deserve to have a work environment that is not throwing harassment on you on top of all the rest the demands of a job. If you end up in that situation, I beg you not to try and stick it out; make a plan for as swift an exit as you can. Even at the university, if you have a bad advisor, there might be a way to switch, if not on paper then at least practically. I have never thought to myself after leaving a bad job, "I'm glad I stuck it out," but rather, "why didn't I leave sooner?" You asked if you should be brave and just not worry about it, and I would not advise that. Your safety and your ability to support yourself is important, and you're right to worry about it. But be brave and demand an accepting, supportive environment for yourself, even and especially if that means moving on? Yeah, I think you should do that.

Say an employee brings to her supervisor’s attention her concerns that the main printer that she uses (the one connected to the only computer set up to do her job) has been malfunctioning lately and she’s getting frustrated because it makes her job more complicated.

(For the sake of argument, say that this employee’s job requires her to use said printer more frequently and on heavier documents than other employees, and that said employee was alone that night.)

Say that, instead of treating this like a serious concern, said supervisor told said employee that it’s probably said employee’s fault since no one else has the problem (because apparently someone being the first to notice something isn't a thing???) and that said employee needs to understand that she “processes things differently than other people” in a way that implies that the way said employee “processes” things is wrong, insane, or blowing things out of proportion.

(Again, for the sake of argument, say that the printer continued to malfunction later and ended up malfunctioning on the watch of said supervisor later that day.)

Say that said supervisor continues to condescend and dismiss said employee until said employee is crying so hard she can’t speak or breathe, in front of God and literally any customer who could happen to walk up to the front desk.

Would said employee have had grounds to report said supervisor?

By Amy Dickinson

November 17, 2017

Dear Amy: I am currently a first semester student at a highly selective professional school. Because of the public nature of our future occupation(s), as students we are insanely private in terms of our personal conduct and on social media. Still, friendships have developed within the group.

Seven of us are completing an externship together, and I have bonded with a male colleague who shares a similar schedule. Sometimes, our conversation could be considered casual flirtation, but this is generally harmless and friendly banter.

Recently, we discussed the Weinstein scandal during lunch break, and he vocalized the fear that being a straight male in a public profession will affect his personal life. He emphasized that he fears intentions or comments may be misinterpreted in ways that could harm his career.

Part of me wonders if he hasn’t initiated more overt flirtation with me due to his fear of sexual harassment or sacrificing our professional relationship. I have never actively dated before, and this adds another dimension for me; I feel this raises the stakes.

How can I value his reservations, express my interest, and make my friend feel comfortable if he is not interested? In this case, how can I make the first move without being viewed as aggressive or at the least unprofessional?

— Need Advice

Dear Need Advice: Your colleague’s reservations about appropriate workplace behavior are intriguing.

I would answer his concerns by letting him know that it is actually easy to avoid harassment charges. I think back to the scores of men I have worked for and alongside in four decades of working in various professions. Almost every single one of them managed not to harass women, and I don’t think it was a hugely heavy lift. They simply respected colleagues’ abilities and autonomy, didn’t engage in sexual banter, and didn’t behave in a sexual way, a physically threatening manner, or an inappropriate fashion. I developed many important and abiding relationships and friendships with these colleagues that extended beyond the workplace.

Your colleague’s choice to act threatened, as if he is practicing his own victimhood, is curious — and also unappealing (at least to me).

Let’s start from the beginning: I proofread legal documents for a living and have been since the very end of 2024, so I’m still kinda sorta considered ‘in training.’

When I started, my boss paired me up with a lady who has been in the office 10+ years and has the most experience with what we do. He said she would make a great teacher for me and it seemed pretty dang ideal.

When requesting leave suddenly changes how management treats you.