x

🌼🌼Bloom little wallflower🌼🌼 . . . . . . . . . #wallflower #vegan #selfimprovement #selflove #vegansofig #veganswholift #girlswholift #womenwholift #veganmuscle #ootd #fitness #workinspo #fitfam #progress #goals #progressnotperfection #hardwork #workhard #dedication #confidence #perksofbeingawallflower #veganbodybuilder #corporatevegan #whatveganslooklike #hclf #rawtill4 #healthy #happiness #plantbased #plantpowered https://www.instagram.com/p/BoJvQD6HTUI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1n8zalnfvq9xj

I got my first F today. Chemistry. I don’t really know what to say or how to feel now. So my semester grade was pulled. I don’t even know if I can get admission in my favourite subjects second year or when I can reappear for this exam. This is a tough time, especially as you guys would probably know I had that little hiatus to actually take off time and study for this very sem finals, which I had sworn would be better than the previous sem’s. Again, that didn’t turn out to be true. I am writing this mostly for myself, as today didn’t go as I hoped. I got up in the morning prayed for the best, got crushed by my ‘unsuccessful’ report card, got back home, listened to mom being melodramatic about my future, broke down and thought about hurting myself. Somewhere along the way I fell asleep instead, and when I woke up some friends crashed in. Haven’t talked to dad outside the phone yet. (He’s a scientist, always disappointed in me.) He’s still in the house with my friend’s parents. It’s a freaking party. We watched the Pixar movie Leap. I am writing this for myself, to make sure I know exactly how bad I felt and why I am better, and why it’s not over yet. I am writing this for myself so that sometime from now I can come back to this post and be proud at the me I have been desperately trying to ignore for 3 years of not being “good enough”. My goals have been stepping down lower and lower everyday, and instead of doing better I’m constantly tripping over my own bullshit. I have no mental illness, no packed schedule, no social media outside of this blog, no petty excuses. I am writing this for myself, to recognize the hope that I can possibly include no lack of potential or talent in the last sentence. I am writing this for myself, because if I believe I can do better, it’s going to be help more than any number of people who don’t. And I am still shaking my head at this post, my friends still debating about which movie to watch next in front of me, bless them, because I don’t want to be poetic and shove sentimental crap up an online outlet and then give up the very day I need a boost, the very day I need to perform. But because, I don’t have any options other than giving myself as many chances as it takes, right from getting two zeros and often negative in 12th grade tution tests to failing a 90 percentile in math I aimed and worked for all year. (Sorry, some things just stick) And here I am, having got into a “good enough” college anyway, studied my favourite subjects and if that wasn’t enough, failing in one of them. And if this is how far I have come, there is no reason I should not look ahead and keep going. Today, I say thanks to my friends. Tomorrow, I work. 

You’ll be okay, you’ll get there 💪🏻😊

Adding some cool stuffs on my desk have lifted my spirit to study a lot 😂

x