#withdrawl

@whumpgifathon Day 22: There is No “I” in Team

Team Member Whump

Graceland 3x8 Savior Complex

This thought has been carrying me lately, as I wean off an antidepressant I've depended on several years. "return to the beginning, become vast and wild..."

Everything they don't say is everything you need to know.

"Kauri." It's Nat's voice behind him. He doesn't look up, just breathes deep where he hunches over the sink. Nausea rolls through him in wave after wave, cold sweat trickling down his temples, his neck, alongside his ribs.

His heart pounds, a terror entirely physical washing away everything but the panic, the adrenaline, the sense that any moment he will die from this.

He tightens his grip on the metal edge of the sink until his knuckles are white.

"Jus'..." He wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, but his hand is so sweaty and wet it doesn't feel like it helps at all. "Just give me a second, okay? Think I picked up a... a flu or something..."

Nat is quiet, but after a few moments he feels her hand rubbing his back, gently maternal. The scent of her perfume somehow doesn't make it worse. She has dark hair loose and wavy from having been in a braid before, and his blurry vision keeps wanting her to be someone else. Someone he doesn't know, can't know, because if he has to have a headache on top of this he might actually just give up and die.

"You should stop taking them," She says. She doesn't say what. She doesn't have to.

"Oh, don't worry about me. Once I get some more-" His stomach tightens suddenly and he shoves himself fully over the sink, but all that happens is a flood of sour spit and a dry sob. "... I'll-... I'll be fine." Is he panting? His words are airy, barely breathed.

"Kauri-"

"There are w-... worse things than this," Kauri manages, voice thin. She brushes a little hair back from his face. The sobbing comes again, but not dry this time.

This time, he finds tears.

His heart pounds so loud it drowns out everything else. He's going to die. He's going to die.

He left Owen and he sleeps with other men and he's going to die.

"Kauri-"

"Worse things... I've d-done them all. I mean, I did O-Owen, right?"

He laughs, but there's an edge of hysteria to the brittle sound, and his stomach twists again.

She rubs his back as his stomach roils and his muscles burn and his shirt sticks to him like Owen's eyes, and he knows once he feels better he'll head back out, climb the back fence, and he won't even say thanks before he goes.

He can disappear into a drink or a pill or powder or whatever he can find and maybe this time they'll tell him to not come back.

Maybe this time they'll see he doesn't deserve to come back.

-

Loyal to the foil.

But lookin fine, like aged wine!

Lord, help me find solace in the things that I do to prevent me from getting any further or in depth into this addiction.

The addict life isn’t for me anymore.

My health is at an all time low.

I’m dying, slowly more than anyone would truly believe.

Help me, I want peace.

I want to be beautiful forever.

My recs as follows:

Practically anything in the Bad Omens discography. Their music is so good, but I have a few songs directly for Vegas and Pete that the lyrics are just 🤌

Vegas- Just Pretend, Bad Omens

Take Me First- Bad Omens

Pete- The Death of Piece of Mind

Also see by Bad Omens:

bad decisions

Like a Villian

IDWT$

Nowhere To Go

What do you want from me?

FERAL

Nothing More- You Don't Know What Love Means (either regular version or the one ft. Taylor Acorn depending on your mood)

Theory of a Deadman- Say Nothing

Banks- Waiting Game

Poets if the Fall- Carnival of Rust

Sleep Token- Dark Signs

Higher and Say That You Will

Practically their entire Take Me Back to Eden album

I would add a lot of Evanescence's music as well aside from like Bring to Life which I've seen on many playlists.