#witchjiu

More snippets:

SJ, pointing to an illustration of a witch flying on a broom: I need this

SY: Why

SJ: Look at the picture you dumb lizard

SY: Yeah but that's foreign stuff, broom riding isn't even that fashionable

SJ: You know how to broom ride?

SY: What don't I know?

SJ: How to properly raise a child

SY: Touché

SJ: What does that mean

SY: I don't know actually

--

YQY: What are your intentions with Xiao Jiu?!

SY: What intentions should I have

YQY, stumped: ...

SY: Anyways how long are you staying?

YQY: What, I'm not leaving Xiao-Jiu!

SY: Okay, we might have to move to a bigger tower. This one's only supposed to fit one

YQY: Wait what

SY: I'll take care of your food, but don't bring any more strays with you.

--

SQH, who's visiting: Oh you've finally decided to interact with humans

SY: Well, no. I killed that old dragon guy—hua something—and they thought I was him and dumped a child on me. This and your weird obedience fetish with your human are two different things.

SQH: You have TWO? I don't think I could handle any more of my king.. Interacting with humans period is a fetish thing, stop trying to shame me for my interests when you do the same

SY: Well that's because you work for him. Plus, neither of them are human. You getting lashed by your human and me getting books for mine are not the same thing, are you mentally ill?

SJ & YQY perking up in interest: ?

SQH peeking his eye in the window: ...?

YQY, who bares his sword in surprise: !

SY: They're both gays

SQH: Oh what, I forgot that was a thing... Do you think my king is also a gay

SJ: What the actual hell are the both of you talking about

YQY, who is extremely confused but not opposed to the thought of being in a relationship with Shen Jiu: ...

SY: You are a gay aren't you?

SQH, who's watching from the sidelines: Yeah, you certainly look like one

SJ: What? No that's not.. Gay people are just normal humans

YQY nodding along

SY: What, then why do humans dislike them so much? I thought that being gay was another one of those "We hate anything that's not human even if they look eerily similar to humans" things, like how humans hate beastkin.

SQH: Yeah I thought it was a species thing too

SJ: No it's about what gender you like

YQY still nodding along

SY: What is gender

SQH: Isn't that the one really famous old wizard?

SY: No that's another thing

SJ: What is happening

--

After SJ explains the concept of gender to the two lizards SQH heads on home because he knows that if he's gone longer than a week his king gets "nervous" and starts plundering the surrounding areas.

SJ: So you've lived for..?

SY: About 21,279 years?

SJ: Right, and you didn't know what gender is?

SY: No, why does that even matter?

SJ: Oh my... How do you guys make babies?

SY: I'm not talking to a child on this topic

SJ: I am TWENTY FOUR

SY: CHILD

--

SY: Okay so why does gender matter when mating?

SJ: Don't you guys have females to lay the eggs?

SY: No

SJ: Exactl... No..?

SY: I can lay my own eggs

SJ: YOU'RE A LADY?

SY: I am a dragon

--

LQG coming over for another visit, perched on the top of the tower. He's waiting for Shen Yuan to come back from his little trip.

LQG, craning his neck to peek into the tower: Where has Shen Yuan gone this time?

YQY who isn't phased by the amount of dragons he's seen anymore: Who is Shen Yuan

SJ: The dragon. He's off to learn more about humans

LQG: Why would he need to know more about you? Can he not ask you?

SJ: He's learning what gender is

LQG: What do you mean he doesn't know what gender is?

SJ: You know what gender is?

LQG who interacts with the humans that come to challenge him for his treasures on a daily basis: Yes

SJ, learning that LQG knows more about humans than his shut in dragon and his weird kink-having friend combined: Okay do you know what a cut-sleeve is?

LQG: Yes?? I am 20,001 years old, why would I not??

SJ: Audible exhale

--

SY isn't really into eating people... (Much, I mean he's eaten a few and man...they are pretty good. But he still likes to be the neutral good dragon) and he just keeps SJ in a tower.

Yue Qi is very distraught and grinds like crazy so he can slay the dragon he thinks killed Shen Jiu. Meanwhile SJ's like "Okay so you're not going to eat me?" And SY's like "Well no, unless you want me to (humoring street rat SJ)" (he was gonna ditch SJ but SJ's low-key funny, thus meaning SY has taken this human under his wing)

Yue Qi becomes a member of the church so he can be knighted as a paladin. Meanwhile SJ'S having SY bring him magical books because SY said he (SJ) can study whatever he wants.

SJ: Okay but what if I killed you

SY, curled around the tower: I'd prefer it if you didn't

SJ: Right, but you're giving me access to dangerous arcane magic

SY: Hey now, I said you could study what you wanted and I don't enjoy lying to children

SJ pointing to a book filled with horrible ways to curse enemies to death: Interesting. Okay can you bring me more books on this?

SY: Got it, anything else?

SJ: C—

SY: Nope, will not go plunder a village for one human child, gonna go get your magic book okay byeeeee

Yue Qi: Xiao Jiu.. I'll avenge you...

--

SJ: Hey do you think I can actually use magic?

SY peeking his eye into the tower window: Well young witches usually use training wands

SJ: What are those, more importantly why don't I have one

SY who'd forgotten about wands until: Well.. You didn't ask...

--

Dragon LQG comes to visit his friend and he notices SY's scent on the tower.

LQG, peeking into the tower: Shen Yuan?

SJ, who was not aware the dragon had a name: What, who?

LQG: Oh he has a pet now?

SJ: I am not a pet, excuse you

LQG, pulling back to charge up a fire in the back of his throat: So you're an intruder?

SY, who's come back just in time to save SJ: Liu Qingge what the hell is wrong with you

LQG: Oh Shen Yuan, your tower has a pest problem

SJ: EXCUSE YOU?

--

Previous snippets

More about LQG :3

LQG, standing atop all of the treasures he's amassed: What have you come for, human?

LBH: I've come to challenge you! If I best you, surely I can impress.. him (Shen Yuan's human disguise)

LQG: Very well,

LBH: This time your flames will not work on—

LQG, who swats him away with a flick of his tail: ...

LBH, who slams into a tree and now glares up at the dragon: ... Same time next week?

LQG, nodding: Same time next week.

LBH, who sighs dejectedly and hobbles off with like.. all of his ribs shattered: One day...

LQG thinking to himself: Yeah, his determination is good. I will not regret training this human up, I imagine he becomes a worthy foe in the future. Our battles will be thrilling!

--

LQG: Hm? He's late today? He's never missed a battle yet..

LBH, who has been following a disguised SY around like a lovesick puppy: Yuan-ge!

LQG, rising from his amassed pile of treasures and stretching like a cat: Alright, I'll go find that slacker.

--

Flashback to LBH & LQG's first fight

LBH: You! Dragon! I'll take you down, I'll defeat you!

LQG, who's on his 17th challenger of the day: You dare? What gave you the guts to challenge me? (Pleased about all of the fighting)

LBH with his huge crush: Okay so there's this guy...

--

LBH, following SY around: You haven't been here that long Yuan-ge, you should let me guide you!~

SY: Oh, well then tha—oh my fucking days.

LQG, who was flying above and has now landed in the middle of the very large city: You, boy—

LBH, drawing his blade and standing in front of SY: Wh—

SY: Liu Qingge what the absolute fuck is wrong with you.

LQG, who pauses to look around the city: Shen Yuan? Certainly you haven't taken in... All of these humans...

LBH, who asked his question right after Liu Qingge did: Wait, Yuan-ge... You know this dragon?

SY: Yeah

LQG, thinking SY was replying to him: Shen Yuan, you need an intervention...

SY, who has been grabbed by LQG who is now flying away with him: . . .

LBH: YUAN-GE!!

--

LQG, who brought SY back to his (SY's) tower: Shen Yuan, you can't adopt an entire city.

SY: Why would I adopt an entire city

SJ who just saw SY's human form for the first time: Who is—Wait. You cannot adopt an entire city Shen Yuan.

SY: What are you both talking about?

SJ: Actually... Yeah, what are we talking about? Brute, explain.

LQG: Sheb Yuan was in... A city of humans...

SJ: mhm, okay..

LQG: When I asked if he decided to take all of them under his wing, he said yeah... He was even walking beside one of them, so it must be true..

SQH, who was traveling with MBJ and was conveniently passed overhead: Gasp! You WHORE!

YQY: Why did he say the word gasp—

SJ: Shen Yuan you can't have any more humans. I alone am enough for you... Okay Qi-ge also is enough for you. Why are you looking for other humans?!

SY: Okay no wait—

LBH, who finally caught up to LQG after like hours: Yuan-ge! Are you trapped in that tower?!

SJ: Is that him?! Is that the other human?

YQY who's shaking his head in disappointment next to SJ: Shen Yuan...

--

LBH: Today I'll slay you, you damned dragon!

YQY watching with a bit of second hand embarrassment: Xiao-Jiu is that how I looked to you?

SJ, who feels like he's about to pop a blood vessel: Yes.

LQG, flushing furiously again: You perverse human! You're going to slay me?! You've been lusting after me all along?! Shen Yuan, you need to stop attracting these kinds of despicable and shameless perverts!

SY: None of this is my fault

--

Villager 1: Don't you guys have a horrific dragon that loots your finest weaponry? Isn't it horrifying?

City person 1: Oh that guy? No he's chill. If you just go up and ask him for your stuff back he'll probably let you take it. He also lets us challenge him all the time, it's actually quite fun. Don't you guys have a dragon that takes sacrifices?

Villager 1: Oh, well we did... Until this new dragon came and killed it. We thought the new guy was evil but he's actually... Unimpressive for a dragon.

City person 2 (From MBJ'S territory): Dragons are all evil, I tell you.

Villager 1: What

City person 1: Yeah what are you talking about.

City person 2: A dragon is having sex with the king

Villager 1: ...

City person 1: Oh man, that is scary...

--

LQG & SY went off somewhere to visit a dragon they both know like a month ago, and now they've returned to their respective homes:

SY handing over something to SJ: Here, I brought you a gift:

SJ: Why did you give me a rock?

SY: Why would I give you a rock

SJ: Then what is this?

SY: An egg

SJ, starting to have a horrible discovery: ... Who's egg is this..?

SY: Mine

SJ: Oh gods, your perverted friend was right, you are a whore

SY: Listen, Qingge and I got bored on the way there and

SJ: YOU SLEPT WITH THE BRUTE?!

SY: What, no? Of course not

SJ, visibly relieved: Oh my, don't—

SY: When would we have time to sleep? We did it in the air

Oum different from any other with au I present apprentice witchjiu who lands w/ SY instead of WYZ. He learns a lot from SY but being a witch isn’t easy, and obviously takes time. He knows a few spells but most of his days are filled with playful bantering with his master (SY) and domestic household tasks—mostly repetitive actions to get SJ in the habit of performing any repetitive task automatically (witches need to split their minds in many different places sometimes, and crossing what they’re doing with their hands off the mind split list helps a ton).

Anyways so SY sends SJ off on a trip—a small 1 week thing, he’s done it before (with the length of the trips gradually increasing as he gets SJ adjusted to the world and ways of a witch)—giving him his training wand and a training cloak. (in this au all witches wear some type of gear—often the transformed body of their familiar, ex. a witch with a cat familiar might have a witch hat with cat ears, or a with with a fox familiar might have a cloak with tails—and most of it happens to be headwear like hats, veils, glasses, etc.). The cloak of course is SY’s familiar (I’m thinking crow for this au, what do y’all think? :3) transformed, an inky black thing that is prepared to fly SJ out of any tricky situations and provide cover should the apprentice find himself in danger (SJ is not aware of this)

Anyways so SJ ends up in a tricky situation where he finds himself trapped along with disciple LQG while a demon terrorizes them. They’ve been bound and the demon’s cracked SJ’s wand. (Note, the cloak was getting ready to fly him out but SJ grit his teeth and instead told it to fetch SY after a brief moment of being stunned that it was actually SY’s familiar because he wanted to personally handle this demon, he was sure he had the strength for it)

Anyways so before the familiar goes it unbinds SJ who snatches his cracked wand off of the ground and waits for the demon to come, preparing the nastiest spell he can. First he starts a small fire—which LQG critiques him for since it’s a small enclosed space (LQG is quite upset that he wasn’t unbound and that this “mortal” is endangering himself for no reason)—before he focuses the magic energy in his magic veins (which aren’t like his spiritual roots that have been forced open, they’re something else completely) and silently completes the spell.

When the demon enters the room expecting to slaughter and eat two helpless children a creature with a body of smoke and teeth like sharp metal (not actual metal) lunges at them and promptly mauls the demon to death. Normally it wouldn’t have been that easy had the demon not been caught off guard and unaware of the magical ability that one of the children captured possessed. Anyways SJ’s practice wand really breaks with the extreme usage of the spell and the smoke dissipates, the fire is quickly put out afterwards.

Anyways LQG’s fellow disciples and the teacher that’d come down the mountain with the disciples but all the find is a dazed LQG with ruffled hair—and later on, the mangled corpse of a demon. SY had come rather quickly, his familiar following after him with worried caws and rushed nudges. It was a relief to find the SY was fine, and SY gave SJ and the boy he’d been captured with a once over before taking LQG to town and asking around for parents until LQG was like “hey wait no I’m a cultivator” and SY’s like “Hm okay your sect is coming to get you then? Alright we’ll stay safe, here’s some money to get some treats.” And ruffles LQG’s hair before taking SJ on a little shopping trip and then dipping.