#probably ooc

remember when bendy got shot in the leg? yea, this is basically my idea of how things would go after cuphead's revival (aka my delusional prediction lmao)

“Hiding”

More snippets:

SJ, pointing to an illustration of a witch flying on a broom: I need this

SY: Why

SJ: Look at the picture you dumb lizard

SY: Yeah but that's foreign stuff, broom riding isn't even that fashionable

SJ: You know how to broom ride?

SY: What don't I know?

SJ: How to properly raise a child

SY: Touché

SJ: What does that mean

SY: I don't know actually

--

YQY: What are your intentions with Xiao Jiu?!

SY: What intentions should I have

YQY, stumped: ...

SY: Anyways how long are you staying?

YQY: What, I'm not leaving Xiao-Jiu!

SY: Okay, we might have to move to a bigger tower. This one's only supposed to fit one

YQY: Wait what

SY: I'll take care of your food, but don't bring any more strays with you.

--

SQH, who's visiting: Oh you've finally decided to interact with humans

SY: Well, no. I killed that old dragon guy—hua something—and they thought I was him and dumped a child on me. This and your weird obedience fetish with your human are two different things.

SQH: You have TWO? I don't think I could handle any more of my king.. Interacting with humans period is a fetish thing, stop trying to shame me for my interests when you do the same

SY: Well that's because you work for him. Plus, neither of them are human. You getting lashed by your human and me getting books for mine are not the same thing, are you mentally ill?

SJ & YQY perking up in interest: ?

SQH peeking his eye in the window: ...?

YQY, who bares his sword in surprise: !

SY: They're both gays

SQH: Oh what, I forgot that was a thing... Do you think my king is also a gay

SJ: What the actual hell are the both of you talking about

YQY, who is extremely confused but not opposed to the thought of being in a relationship with Shen Jiu: ...

SY: You are a gay aren't you?

SQH, who's watching from the sidelines: Yeah, you certainly look like one

SJ: What? No that's not.. Gay people are just normal humans

YQY nodding along

SY: What, then why do humans dislike them so much? I thought that being gay was another one of those "We hate anything that's not human even if they look eerily similar to humans" things, like how humans hate beastkin.

SQH: Yeah I thought it was a species thing too

SJ: No it's about what gender you like

YQY still nodding along

SY: What is gender

SQH: Isn't that the one really famous old wizard?

SY: No that's another thing

SJ: What is happening

--

After SJ explains the concept of gender to the two lizards SQH heads on home because he knows that if he's gone longer than a week his king gets "nervous" and starts plundering the surrounding areas.

SJ: So you've lived for..?

SY: About 21,279 years?

SJ: Right, and you didn't know what gender is?

SY: No, why does that even matter?

SJ: Oh my... How do you guys make babies?

SY: I'm not talking to a child on this topic

SJ: I am TWENTY FOUR

SY: CHILD

--

SY: Okay so why does gender matter when mating?

SJ: Don't you guys have females to lay the eggs?

SY: No

SJ: Exactl... No..?

SY: I can lay my own eggs

SJ: YOU'RE A LADY?

SY: I am a dragon

--

LQG coming over for another visit, perched on the top of the tower. He's waiting for Shen Yuan to come back from his little trip.

LQG, craning his neck to peek into the tower: Where has Shen Yuan gone this time?

YQY who isn't phased by the amount of dragons he's seen anymore: Who is Shen Yuan

SJ: The dragon. He's off to learn more about humans

LQG: Why would he need to know more about you? Can he not ask you?

SJ: He's learning what gender is

LQG: What do you mean he doesn't know what gender is?

SJ: You know what gender is?

LQG who interacts with the humans that come to challenge him for his treasures on a daily basis: Yes

SJ, learning that LQG knows more about humans than his shut in dragon and his weird kink-having friend combined: Okay do you know what a cut-sleeve is?

LQG: Yes?? I am 20,001 years old, why would I not??

SJ: Audible exhale

--

Age rating: General audiences (I think)

Tags: Gender neutral reader, probably OOC, drunk Caine, cuddles, you pet Caine, falling asleep together, not beta we abstract like Kaufmo

Words: 983

Premise: reader brings back stupid sauce from the Spudsy's adventure and Caine accidentally ingested some (original idea by @thegoopygoober)

Warnings: mention of addiction, substance use

Bee divider by @kyriettes

After taking over Ragatha's shift at Spudsy's at the request of Gangle since Ragatha was out of commission, you work with Zooble in assembling the absolutely insane amount of burgers ordered for the Gloink queen and all of her children.

You couldn't help but wonder what had gotten your ragdoll friend intoxicated... it couldn't be the burgers themselves, right? No, that'd be absurd even for Caine's insane ideas. You then remembered overhearing a customer talking about 'stupid sauce' and how they were addicted to it. Was that what it was? It would make sense considering Ragatha's state being something similar to being drunk or high.

The thought of something as mundane as sauce being addictive had you even more curious about it. How did it taste? Was the effect stronger the more you ingested? What did it really feel like? Why the heck would Caine include something like this? You considered putting some on your fingertip and giving it a taste, but stopped yourself when you remembered that you have no idea how potent this stuff might be and you have a job to do.

Maybe you could just stuff a bottle of the stuff into your hammer-space pocket when your shift is over, no one will notice.

The last thing you remember before now was slipping a tub of stupid sauce into your pocket, now you're stumbling around the Big Top with the bottle of pink stuff in your grasp. Everyone is already in bed, so it's totally quiet as you chuckle lazily to yourself at nothing.

"Ah! It's you! What are you doing up this late, my silly spinning sausage?" Calls the familiar grandiose voice of Caine as he pops into existence a few feet above you, giving you a glance up and down.

You stare back up at him, unfocused eyes blinking slowly out of sync. "Heheee... you're a silly sausage..!" You retort with a laugh as you struggle to stand up straight. "You with your big ol' eyes..."

Caine seems... perplexed, which doesn't happen often, but then he sees the bottle in your hand and lets out a soft tut. "Oh, you! You weren't supposed to bring that back from Spudsy's!" He tells you as he wiggles his index at you and floats down to extend a hand. "Come on, hand it over and we'll get you to bed ASAP!"

Instinctively you clutch the sauce to your chest and shake your head, sticking your tongue out to your ringmaster before turning your head away. "Nuh-uh! Its... its mine! You can't have any!" You object with a pout, your clumsy steps barely holding you up as you step backwards.

Forgetting he can just snap the stimulant out of existence, Caine's upper teeth crease into angry eyebrows as he flys down to grab the stupid sauce but you have it in a vice grip. "The sooner you give it over, the sooner we can-" He grips a little too hard onto the digital plastic and squeezes some of the sauce directly into his giant mouth-face which causes him to let go and fly backwards slightly with a dramatic gag.

He seems to swallow the substance as he shakes his head with a cartoony babble, his eyes gloss over slightly before his pupils become the size of dinner plates and his limbs slack. "Woahwoaohhh... WOWOWIE! That is a nice feeling!" He hics as he becomes loopy, his hovering becoming a bit uneven.

You blink, grinning drunkly as you stare at him. "Oooo... Caine's druuuunk!" You tease as you poke his chest, which gives a dog toy-like squeak. You have no idea why that's a thing to be proud of.

"Ah-ah! No, we... I need to get you back to bed, my buh... bumbling... bouncy bebop..!" The ringmaster persists as he floats closer, stumbling and landing into you with a thump before going limp over your shoulder. "OoOoo, warm..." He mumbles as he gently pats your back and chuckles.

Without thinking (not that you could think anyway) you return the touch by wrapping your arms around his waist, hugging him tightly to you. He's surprisingly squishy for a seemingly lifeless AI. Before you could say something, you heard a snap and you were both suddenly laying on your bed in basically the same position with Caine on top of you.

"Hnn... 's bed time." The AI mumbled into your neck, looking up at you as he rested his jaw on your chest. "You better go honk shoo mimimi soon... before... I do the same..." He stared at you with hazy vision as his eyes look like jelly resting on his tongue, "you're pretty from here... you humans are always so beautiful, and you... you like my adventures."

You meet his eyes after yawning, one of your hands coming up and laying it on top of his head to pet him. The light pressure has his upper jaw lowering over his eyes while his hat droops to the side like it was also drunk. He hums softly and you swear you can hear the faint sound of computer fans kicking up and whirring inside him, almost like his heart was racing or something.

Soon enough his teeth are closed and he's gone even more limp on top of you, going completely still to the point of not even 'breathing' (which is an idle thing his model does to seem more alive).

"Caine..?" You mutter as you poke his left canine, "you sleeping?"

No response. You take that as a yes.

Giggles escape you as you continue petting him, slowly relaxing until all motions on your end stop and you fall soundly asleep.

Maybe, if he'd allow it by the morning, you could do this again? It clearly relaxed both of you in the end so maybe it wasn't so bad... in moderation, obviously. You wouldn't want to get addicted, would you?

POV: you are Tim Drake

Sylus, clearly distraught hearing that: Sweetie, why would you say that?

MC: I'm just feeling anxious that I'm using you for your money...

Sylus: .......

genre: fluff

characters: 1x1x1x1, 007n7, Guest 1337, John Doe, Chance, Two time, Noob, Noli, Guest 666, Azure, Taph, Itrapped, Elliot, Jane Doe, Dusekkar, Shedletsky

no word count bc these are mostly head-canons

why is half the gang here?? why am I writing for half of the in game and out of game characters in one part (pls like 🙏)

an: may be ooc as I haven’t written for most of these guys! <3 I will edit it when I can. I have a sore throat gang that’s why I wrote this

edit from 2.6.26: this was written b4 Jane and Azure came out, don’t expect accuracy—I may or may not rewrite this work for everyone, I’m unsure

this is mostly for fun though so it probably will be ooc

I did check the wikis a bit

also I hope noobs stuttering is accurate, I checked a reddit page on r/fanfiction for a bit of help with it

some of these are pre-forsaken as well as both pre-forsaken and in forsaken

obviously unreleased characters are likely quite out of character but I may edit it if and when they get released

I tried not to include head-canons/stuff that I think they’d like (eg: reading) if it isn’t canon for anyone and I don’t think I included any (maybe for unreleased characters and John Doe)

tysm for reading and I hope u enjoy!

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1x1x1x1

- probably found out your throat hurt when they went to ask you something and you didn’t respond

“Y/n, want to spar?” … “why are you just staring at me? do you want to or nah?” you point to your throat, trying to express that you can’t talk because your throat is sore. “okay,” … cricket noises “do you want me to bring you soup or something?”

- definitely made you soup or at least attempted to

- she either made the soup and it was the best soup you’d ever tasted or it was half water with marinated vegetables that looked like the suspicious stew from minecraft; potentially could have had chunks in it too

“I’m not pitying you just because you have a sore throat—you’ll get over it.”

—————————————————————————————————--

007n7

- was probably a bit worried, even if it’s just a sore throat—being sick to any capacity sucks

- he knows you’re not a kid but will probably do the same things he did with C00lkidd when he got sick like giving you ice cream or something

- he knows what to do when someone is sick due to having to deal with when C00lkidd got sick but he still definitely looked up “what to do if someone has a sore throat.”

“oh, you have a sore throat?” you nod, “I can get you some soup..?” he pauses, “I’ll go make it now, you can sleep or something, it’s good for you..I’ll be right back.”

- he probably came back with either box mix macaroni and cheese or macaroni and cheese he actually made from scratch…? he isn’t incompetent, he raised a kid

“I couldn’t figure out how to make you a nice soup but this might also help, I think.”—————————————————————————————————--

Guest 1337

- like n7 he also had a kid so he likely knows how to deal with someone being sick without making a big deal about it

- he probably didn’t bring you soup because he didn’t know if you would want to sit up from your bed and actually take the time to eat (drink?) it so he probably brought you hot chocolate, tea or another warm drink instead. if you asked him for soup he definitely would have made it though and it wouldn’t have tasted too bad

“Y/n, how are you feeling today?” followed up by no response other than blank staring he’d be slightly worried until he saw you point to your throat and realised. “oh. I’ll make you something, stay here.”

- checked up on you quite a bit just to see if you needed anything or if your throat was getting better

- if he had throat lozenges he’d probably give you one or two

—————————————————————————————————--

John Doe

- if it was pre-forsaken and corruption and he found out you were sick he’d be a bit worried until he found out it was just a sore throat, he’d be less worried knowing that

“you’re sick-?” you nod, coughing, “just a sore throat.” “alright, you’ll be fine.”

- he’d hum to you to get you to fall asleep if he thought it would help you to get some rest

- would make you some pretty decent tea and kiss your forehead while handing it to you

- if it was in forsaken or corruption he’d care deep down but he’d still attack you, he’d be unable to help you at all because of the spectre and his corruption

—————————————————————————————————--

Chance

- he probably wasn’t too worried—don’t get them wrong it’s not like they don’t care at all, he just knows it’s only a sore throat. just that

- would give you a blanket and make you a drink, maybe sit/cuddle with you for a bit

- would check up on you a bit but overall isn’t that worried if you’re still feeling the same as you did at 7 am even if it’s now 9 pm, they know it’s just the first day your throat’s hurting and tomorrow it will be better

“how bad is your throat out of ten?” You put up three fingers, “not too bad, try to sleep, love.”

- it probably comes off as him not caring but he does, he’s just not trying to baby you just because you’re a bit sick

—————————————————————————————————--

Two Time

- preached about the spawn to you like, “the spawn will heal you, have trust in the spawn.” they’d probably say this just after you told them your throat was sore.

“the spawn is good; for their steadfast love endures forever,” they probably said that when you ended up feeling better, that or something else about the spawn

- did however make you some great tea (you insisted on supervising them while they made it and almost feel asleep)

- probably also gave you a blanket that they found, “is this your blanket?” “no.” …

- pat you on the head when you coughed like you were a little baby or something

—————————————————————————————————--

Noob

- was probably VERY worried, panicked and gave you a bloxy cola and burger

- they are not hopeless guys, they know guest 1337 is reliable and asked 1337 what they should do

- likely didn’t ask n7 for help but may have considered it knowing he was a good father to C00lkidd

- “h-hey, are-are you feeling okay?” you scribbled on a piece of paper saying; ‘my throat hurts :(’. “oh—okay- I can, get-g-get some soup or something for you..I’ll, I’ll be back, stay here.”

- they came back with soup a bit later looking absolutely horrified of dropping or spilling it, they clear their throat; “here’s-here’s your soup”

- probably sat with you or gave you a hug, also gave you a pat your head when you coughed and when you told them you were sick

—————————————————————————————————--

Noli

- this man(?) creature?? idk??! would NOT care if you’re sick, he’d probably LAUGH if you even mentioned/complained about being sick

- If you coughed NEAR him he’d slowly leave the room while looking at you and be like, “I’m not getting sick because of you”

- if your throat was really sore to the point you could barely talk this is how it would go, “Noli…” “I can’t hear you, can you speak up?”

- he would be such a bully, like don’t even tell him if you’re sick, just ignore him until you feel better because he will be mean to you if he finds out

—————————————————————————————————--

Guest 666

these hcs are pre-forsaken

- he’d probably try to make sure you’re okay, like they’d knock on your door and be like, “are you okay?”

- would give you a bloxy cola and a snack with caramel in it because if they like it she thinks it might make you feel a bit better—at least mentally plus you need to eat and likely don’t wanna eat a full meal. they probably thought after buying you caramel chocolate it would hurt your throat more so they ended up giving you caramel flavored ice-cream

- would go out of their way to by you medicine or something if they didn’t already have it

- like 1337 he would give you a throat lozenge

hands you a throat lozenge, “here, take it for your throat.” grabs something from those plastic shopping bags, “and this ice-cream, could soothe your throat a bit maybe.”

—————————————————————————————————--

Azure

pre-forsaken

obnoxious iPad kid coughing ..“nightshade, are you feeling alright?”

- made you some BANGER tea using their botany knowledge or something

- would check your temperature, ask if it was just your throat that hurt, would get you a heating pack and tell you to stay in bed

- would tuck you in like a baby and then promptly leave and go study botany or something

“Azure, my throat hurts.” slightly obnoxious cough, “I know, get some rest.” leaves

—————————————————————————————————--

Taph

sorry if this is confusing or not accurate gang

- he noticed you just sitting silently, coughing very carefully like your ribs would go boom if you coughed above three decibels, “🫵🤒❓” (are you sick?) you nod

“✅☝️🤝🫵🍲” (okay, I will make you some soup). despite you staying he didn’t have to make it he pulled through with some pretty fire soup, didn’t help your throat too much but tasted amazing

“🤕🟰🫵🛌💤” (you’re sick, you need to sleep) you went to bed after that and they sat with you doing whatever it is that Taph does, likely working on traps

- would also probably give you a throat lozenge if they found/had one that’s an IF because where would he be able to find one bro

—————————————————————————————————--

Itrapped

- acted really concerned (he wasn’t really)

- would have ordered you soup and pretended he made it or thought about charging you for it and saying he got it from somewhere really expensive

- likely would have just sat on a chair near you while you coughed lying on the couch

- fixed the blanket that was covering you so it didn’t fall so that’s a plus at least

“you’ll be fine..try not to cough too much, okay?”

—————————————————————————————————--

Elliot

- let you lay with him for a bit and sleep, gave you pizza and then boom you felt a bit better because pizza

- he checked up on you a bit but he also has stuff to do so he’d get either 1337 to check up on you or Chance—he got varying results depending on who he asked

“hey, is Y/n fine?” “they’re getting a bit better, weren’t really coughing as much, still looked a little sick though.”

“is Y/n okay?” “yeah, fine, they coughed quite a bit and said they felt like their ribs were gonna break and their lungs were gonna give out but they looked pretty fine.”

- guess who said what

- would check your temperature just to make sure it was only a sore throat

- probably wouldn’t have throat lozenges but would likely look for one for a bit

—————————————————————————————————--

Jane Doe

- if she heard you cough she’d likely give you a throat lozenge, just pull one out of nowhere and hand it to you. “here, your throat sounds really scratchy.”

- would make you tea or another hot drink and it would be pretty decent, like, just average green tea or something

- would somehow convince you to sleep; would hum to you to achieve this

“you should go to sleep, I can hum to you if you want. sleeping might make your throat better.”

—————————————————————————————————--

Dusekkar

no dialogue because I’m not bothered to add it

- he’d give you some soup and some of his magic, he also put magic in the soup although it doesn’t really help all too much because you’re not in a round

- would encourage you to sleep but if you said you were fine he wouldn’t push you

- if you did sleep though he’d give you a blanket and prepare tea for you when you woke up

- wouldn’t really check up on you other than to give you food and stuff or just to quickly ask if you’re okay

—————————————————————————————————--

Shedletsky

- he’d probably give you some food, a blanket and tell you to get some sleep

- he’d deliver all your meals to your door like a delivery driver and then knock before leaving—not because he doesn’t wanna get sick, he just isn’t bothered to come in, he might some days though, to put the food on your bedside table and then leave

- puts a plate of chicken and some vegetables on your bedside table, “hope you get better, babe,” kisses you on your cheek/forehead before leaving (he woke you up with the creaky ahh door creaking when he was entering your room)

- when you feel better he’d hug you simply because he didn’t get to while you were sick