#probably ooc

remember when bendy got shot in the leg? yea, this is basically my idea of how things would go after cuphead's revival (aka my delusional prediction lmao)

“Hiding”

More snippets:

SJ, pointing to an illustration of a witch flying on a broom: I need this

SY: Why

SJ: Look at the picture you dumb lizard

SY: Yeah but that's foreign stuff, broom riding isn't even that fashionable

SJ: You know how to broom ride?

SY: What don't I know?

SJ: How to properly raise a child

SY: Touché

SJ: What does that mean

SY: I don't know actually

--

YQY: What are your intentions with Xiao Jiu?!

SY: What intentions should I have

YQY, stumped: ...

SY: Anyways how long are you staying?

YQY: What, I'm not leaving Xiao-Jiu!

SY: Okay, we might have to move to a bigger tower. This one's only supposed to fit one

YQY: Wait what

SY: I'll take care of your food, but don't bring any more strays with you.

--

SQH, who's visiting: Oh you've finally decided to interact with humans

SY: Well, no. I killed that old dragon guy—hua something—and they thought I was him and dumped a child on me. This and your weird obedience fetish with your human are two different things.

SQH: You have TWO? I don't think I could handle any more of my king.. Interacting with humans period is a fetish thing, stop trying to shame me for my interests when you do the same

SY: Well that's because you work for him. Plus, neither of them are human. You getting lashed by your human and me getting books for mine are not the same thing, are you mentally ill?

SJ & YQY perking up in interest: ?

SQH peeking his eye in the window: ...?

YQY, who bares his sword in surprise: !

SY: They're both gays

SQH: Oh what, I forgot that was a thing... Do you think my king is also a gay

SJ: What the actual hell are the both of you talking about

YQY, who is extremely confused but not opposed to the thought of being in a relationship with Shen Jiu: ...

SY: You are a gay aren't you?

SQH, who's watching from the sidelines: Yeah, you certainly look like one

SJ: What? No that's not.. Gay people are just normal humans

YQY nodding along

SY: What, then why do humans dislike them so much? I thought that being gay was another one of those "We hate anything that's not human even if they look eerily similar to humans" things, like how humans hate beastkin.

SQH: Yeah I thought it was a species thing too

SJ: No it's about what gender you like

YQY still nodding along

SY: What is gender

SQH: Isn't that the one really famous old wizard?

SY: No that's another thing

SJ: What is happening

--

After SJ explains the concept of gender to the two lizards SQH heads on home because he knows that if he's gone longer than a week his king gets "nervous" and starts plundering the surrounding areas.

SJ: So you've lived for..?

SY: About 21,279 years?

SJ: Right, and you didn't know what gender is?

SY: No, why does that even matter?

SJ: Oh my... How do you guys make babies?

SY: I'm not talking to a child on this topic

SJ: I am TWENTY FOUR

SY: CHILD

--

SY: Okay so why does gender matter when mating?

SJ: Don't you guys have females to lay the eggs?

SY: No

SJ: Exactl... No..?

SY: I can lay my own eggs

SJ: YOU'RE A LADY?

SY: I am a dragon

--

LQG coming over for another visit, perched on the top of the tower. He's waiting for Shen Yuan to come back from his little trip.

LQG, craning his neck to peek into the tower: Where has Shen Yuan gone this time?

YQY who isn't phased by the amount of dragons he's seen anymore: Who is Shen Yuan

SJ: The dragon. He's off to learn more about humans

LQG: Why would he need to know more about you? Can he not ask you?

SJ: He's learning what gender is

LQG: What do you mean he doesn't know what gender is?

SJ: You know what gender is?

LQG who interacts with the humans that come to challenge him for his treasures on a daily basis: Yes

SJ, learning that LQG knows more about humans than his shut in dragon and his weird kink-having friend combined: Okay do you know what a cut-sleeve is?

LQG: Yes?? I am 20,001 years old, why would I not??

SJ: Audible exhale

--

Age rating: General audiences (I think)

Tags: Gender neutral reader, probably OOC, drunk Caine, cuddles, you pet Caine, falling asleep together, not beta we abstract like Kaufmo

Words: 983

Premise: reader brings back stupid sauce from the Spudsy's adventure and Caine accidentally ingested some (original idea by @thegoopygoober)

Warnings: mention of addiction, substance use

Bee divider by @kyriettes

After taking over Ragatha's shift at Spudsy's at the request of Gangle since Ragatha was out of commission, you work with Zooble in assembling the absolutely insane amount of burgers ordered for the Gloink queen and all of her children.

You couldn't help but wonder what had gotten your ragdoll friend intoxicated... it couldn't be the burgers themselves, right? No, that'd be absurd even for Caine's insane ideas. You then remembered overhearing a customer talking about 'stupid sauce' and how they were addicted to it. Was that what it was? It would make sense considering Ragatha's state being something similar to being drunk or high.

The thought of something as mundane as sauce being addictive had you even more curious about it. How did it taste? Was the effect stronger the more you ingested? What did it really feel like? Why the heck would Caine include something like this? You considered putting some on your fingertip and giving it a taste, but stopped yourself when you remembered that you have no idea how potent this stuff might be and you have a job to do.

Maybe you could just stuff a bottle of the stuff into your hammer-space pocket when your shift is over, no one will notice.

The last thing you remember before now was slipping a tub of stupid sauce into your pocket, now you're stumbling around the Big Top with the bottle of pink stuff in your grasp. Everyone is already in bed, so it's totally quiet as you chuckle lazily to yourself at nothing.

"Ah! It's you! What are you doing up this late, my silly spinning sausage?" Calls the familiar grandiose voice of Caine as he pops into existence a few feet above you, giving you a glance up and down.

You stare back up at him, unfocused eyes blinking slowly out of sync. "Heheee... you're a silly sausage..!" You retort with a laugh as you struggle to stand up straight. "You with your big ol' eyes..."

Caine seems... perplexed, which doesn't happen often, but then he sees the bottle in your hand and lets out a soft tut. "Oh, you! You weren't supposed to bring that back from Spudsy's!" He tells you as he wiggles his index at you and floats down to extend a hand. "Come on, hand it over and we'll get you to bed ASAP!"

Instinctively you clutch the sauce to your chest and shake your head, sticking your tongue out to your ringmaster before turning your head away. "Nuh-uh! Its... its mine! You can't have any!" You object with a pout, your clumsy steps barely holding you up as you step backwards.

Forgetting he can just snap the stimulant out of existence, Caine's upper teeth crease into angry eyebrows as he flys down to grab the stupid sauce but you have it in a vice grip. "The sooner you give it over, the sooner we can-" He grips a little too hard onto the digital plastic and squeezes some of the sauce directly into his giant mouth-face which causes him to let go and fly backwards slightly with a dramatic gag.

He seems to swallow the substance as he shakes his head with a cartoony babble, his eyes gloss over slightly before his pupils become the size of dinner plates and his limbs slack. "Woahwoaohhh... WOWOWIE! That is a nice feeling!" He hics as he becomes loopy, his hovering becoming a bit uneven.

You blink, grinning drunkly as you stare at him. "Oooo... Caine's druuuunk!" You tease as you poke his chest, which gives a dog toy-like squeak. You have no idea why that's a thing to be proud of.

"Ah-ah! No, we... I need to get you back to bed, my buh... bumbling... bouncy bebop..!" The ringmaster persists as he floats closer, stumbling and landing into you with a thump before going limp over your shoulder. "OoOoo, warm..." He mumbles as he gently pats your back and chuckles.

Without thinking (not that you could think anyway) you return the touch by wrapping your arms around his waist, hugging him tightly to you. He's surprisingly squishy for a seemingly lifeless AI. Before you could say something, you heard a snap and you were both suddenly laying on your bed in basically the same position with Caine on top of you.

"Hnn... 's bed time." The AI mumbled into your neck, looking up at you as he rested his jaw on your chest. "You better go honk shoo mimimi soon... before... I do the same..." He stared at you with hazy vision as his eyes look like jelly resting on his tongue, "you're pretty from here... you humans are always so beautiful, and you... you like my adventures."

You meet his eyes after yawning, one of your hands coming up and laying it on top of his head to pet him. The light pressure has his upper jaw lowering over his eyes while his hat droops to the side like it was also drunk. He hums softly and you swear you can hear the faint sound of computer fans kicking up and whirring inside him, almost like his heart was racing or something.

Soon enough his teeth are closed and he's gone even more limp on top of you, going completely still to the point of not even 'breathing' (which is an idle thing his model does to seem more alive).

"Caine..?" You mutter as you poke his left canine, "you sleeping?"

No response. You take that as a yes.

Giggles escape you as you continue petting him, slowly relaxing until all motions on your end stop and you fall soundly asleep.

Maybe, if he'd allow it by the morning, you could do this again? It clearly relaxed both of you in the end so maybe it wasn't so bad... in moderation, obviously. You wouldn't want to get addicted, would you?

POV: you are Tim Drake

Sylus, clearly distraught hearing that: Sweetie, why would you say that?

MC: I'm just feeling anxious that I'm using you for your money...

Sylus: .......