I dont know why i'm here, honestly. I want to apologize, I suppose, but i dont feel as though i've anything to truly apologize for. i dont feel bad.
well... i do, but not for the reasons i should.
i feel bad because i've lost everything. its selfish, really. i know i'd do the same things over again a hundred times. id cheat, id lie, id beg for death all the same.
i want to be forgiven without having to really change. change takes effort, and i'm so very tired. i've always been so very tired. pre death and post revival, i'll always be tired.
i know i've hurt many, many people in my own ambitions, and those ambitions were fruitless from the get-go. but id still do it all over again, for some reason.
maybe its self destruction, maybe its stubbornness that it didnt work out the first time and an unfounded faith that if i do everything the same, something might turn out different. maybe i'm just a fool.
either way.
i'm sorry.
for what? i'm not sure.
but for whatever it is, and to whoever will listen, i'm sorry.
- wilbur [dsmp]
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