#wickedcontent

Sitting in her truck, parked not too far from that fucking mime restaurant, Nadia couldn’t help but wonder, on a scale from one to ten, how bad this idea was. Probably an eleven. Probably higher. She didn’t even know how she’d gotten here. Well, other than driving. At least she remembered the drive. But between the internet and talking with Luce, she’d managed to put together a rather decent explosive, though the fireworks had been relatively useless. Maybe she could throw that barbecue, invite Erin as a thank you, should this thing not kill her. Because what the hell was she doing, anyway? Taking on a mime demon that really hadn’t done anything to her. Except she’d let that thing loose in the sewer, and, no matter what Kaden said, that was still on her as much as it was on him. This whole mime business was fucking cursed, and people were getting hurt because of it. Nadia figured that getting rid of the thing in the alley and the restaurant would be a step in the right direction. Hopefully. She got out of the truck and decided to wait against the back for Alain, Kaden, Felix, and Luce. Fuck, she hoped she didn’t get anyone killed with this thing.

Alain had parked his car far enough from the mime restaurant. The last thing he wanted was to damage his car because of mimes. Sure, this would not be directly their fault, but when did this stop him from blaming them ? The handle of the sword was peaking out of the dufflebag as he stepped out of the car, although considering the hour and the current darkness, he would not have to worry about it at all. He took a moment to take a deep breath. Things would soon get stressful, and heated, and he wanted to appreciate the calm and quiet before it all began. He was a bit early anyway, so why not enjoy that ? Approaching the restaurant, his gaze was drawn toward a truck parked on the sidewalk. He had already seen it at the garage, although back then, it was his employee who had taken care of it. Still, he knew who it belonged to, and he raised his hand to greet Nadia.

Kaden wasn’t sure blowing up a mime restaurant was the best laid plan after that disaster with the cardboard cut out but fuck if he couldn’t use a pick me up after the last few weeks. If that restaurant was going to be destroyed, he was going to be there with front row fucking tickets. He still wasn’t sure what help he’d be to Nadia in this endeavor but that didn’t mean he didn’t come prepared. Guns, knives, holy water. Look, if something like that fucking smoke demon happened again, he was ready. He saw her and Alain around back and headed over, watching his back to make sure no one was following him. He knew damn well he couldn’t trust his hearing with this brand of monster. Kaden was a little surprised to see Alain there but he didn’t mind. And again, the smoke demon shit came to mind. If that was only a small taste of the kind of fuckery that could go down here, they’d want at least two hunters. “So what’s the plan?” he asked. “Are we waiting on anyone else?”

Few things in the world could compare to the smell of dynamite and gunpowder. The only one that might come close would be the ruins of what once was a mime restaurant. Felix sure as heck hoped so as he made his way downtown through the shadows. Maybe a license would be worth looking into but that could come later. The potential for crime had him skipping by fast, more than eager to see a mime place vanish off the face of the earth. He pulled himself out of the dark a block away from where Nadia suggested they meet. Her first crime! That he knew about! Exciting, thrilling. A real adventure hour! He adjusted his tie and straightened out the sleeves of his jacket before he waved to the crew she had assembled. Kaden, the other guy with the face. “Looks like this might be part two to that birthday gig of yours, huh?” He grinned at Kaden before he shifted to look at Nadia. “You excited? Because I sure am.”

When Nadia had brought up the idea of blowing up the mime restaurant, Luce had mostly been joking about doing something like that. And about her pyrotechnic ability-- sure, she knew how to make a molotov, knew how to throw together a pretty basic napalm with acetone and styrofoam. Which, she’d packed up in the backpack that was slung over her shoulder. She’d parked her large 4x4 in an alley a quick run from the mime restaurant. Close enough to be easy to get to, far enough to probably keep people from thinking she had anything to do with the upcoming act of arson. As she neared Yours, Mime, and Ours, Luce’s expression turned to a slight scowl as she took in the small gathering. It was a fucking sausage fest of dudes who she really didn’t care to know about her magical predisposition. “I’m guess we’re gathered here today to fuck some shit up?” She asked, with a wry grin before tilting her head at Kaden. “Birthday Boy out for some revenge? I thought you were a cop, dude.”

Grinning nervously as the last of them showed up, Nadia looked at the group of people around her. Emotions practically radiated off of Kaden, Alain, and Luce, and she could still feel Felix’s excitement, muted as it was. She decided to focus on him, remembering the advice she’d been given that nonhumans were just a bit easier to deal with than humans. She opened up her trunk, first grabbing a pack of bullets for a .50 ae pistol. She tossed them to Kaden. “Happy birthday, though it’s late.” Then she grabbed the explosive she’d managed to put together following a couple of tutorials online. This was the second attempt; the first hadn’t failed catastrophically when she took it out of town to test, but she definitely put a dent in a small field and had to run from an angry farmer with a shotgun yelling about hooligans playing with firecrackers. She’d also figured out that she fucking hated electrical work. But it should work. “I’m, uh, nervous. But this is definitely going to blow something up.” Hopefully none of them. “So, I was thinking we trap that fucker in the alley? Block off one of the entrances, force it to the other end, and boom. Blow it and the building up.”

Alain's eyes went from Felix to Kaden. Raising his eyebrows, the hunter breathed out heavily and took a few steps back to look at the restaurant's menu. Well this was even worse than he thought. Selling crème brulée like it was a luxurious dessert was a crime in itself. When he glanced back at the group, he noticed something in Nadia's hands. Since he had never used explosives, he was not fond of being anywhere near them, although if it had not exploded yet, it was safe, right ? "Are you sure you don't want us to shorten the ends of the fella before we blow things up ?" Yes, he should have been clearer and said that he wanted to cut the hands, feet and head of the fucker to be sure, but that wouldn't have sounded right. "Anyone have an idea on how to block one entrance ?" He looked at the other hunter and shrugged. "We could prevent that thing from going anywhere, I guess?"

“Let’s hope this isn’t part two. No one needs that. And yeah, I am. Kind of. I can’t make arrests, it’s fine.” Kaden hoped that was true. Maybe he should have worn a hat. Or some kind of disguise. Just in case. Too late now. Still, of course both Felix and Luce had to remind him of the single worst birthday party that may have ever existed. He shot them both a glance, but took the bullets from Nadia and shoved them in his back pocket. “Thanks, I’ll be sure to put them to good use.” He took one look at the explosive and knew he wanted nothing to do with that. He was much more comfortable with the task of blocking off that fucking mime moster and hopefully shooting it in the face. That said, he was pretty sure any bullets would bounce off or its head would grow back; it seemed like the type. The satisfaction would be nice, though. Kaden took a look around down the alley and saw a few shipping boxes, a dumpster, there was enough random crap. “That. Come on,” he said to Alain, pointing at the big dumpsters. They worked together to move them down the end of the alleyway, then grabbing whatever boxes and trash he could find. The boxes were a little odd, who left their shipping outside in the alley? And they were.. Moving? Nah, he was imagining it. When they were done, it wasn’t a beautiful barricade but it should make just about anything pause. “We’ll keep post at the other end. Try not to blow us all up,” he told the demolition crew as he and the other hunter waited at the alley for this shit to go down.

“I just want you all to know that this might just make my entire year. What a gift!” The fae’s eyes practically lit up at the sight of homemade dynamite. The plan was all well and good. Just a simple trapping and a couple of boom-booms. Heck, did that take Felix back and he steepled his hands together. If a streetlight glinted off his glasses at an opportune moment, he didn’t notice. He had brought his own supplies. Slow-burning wicks, his own brand of explosives, lighter, a small snub-nosed source of firepower and a knife up every sleeve in case the mime thought about getting handsy with the merchandise again. He sure as hell hoped the mime did. Stealing a fella’s green was a capital offense. As he waited for the barricade to be built up, he could barely contain his anticipation and grinned as he looked over to Luce and Nadia. He glanced down to the explosives in Nadia’s hands and nodded. “How you wanting to smoke ‘em out? Throw a little something-something in the front and they gotta come out here,” he said, gesturing to the alley and the barricade before he leaned back to glance at the front. Glass looked weak enough. “Won’t have anywhere else to go, y’know? Give em the ol’ badabing badaboom.”

“Just as long as you don’t arrest me, I’m good.” Luce nodded at Kaden before watching as he and the other man headed down the alleyway, like some kinda sniper elite shit. She was pretty sure she recognized the old guy from the mechanic’s shop in town. Color her surprised to see him there. Which left her, Nadia, and Felix. A much more reasonable bunch that she’d be fine showing her true colors to. Opening her backpack, Luce held up one of the two molotov’s she had, the pouch of homemade napalm, and her handy dandy zippo lighter. “I’ve got supplies for day, plus a little secret weapon, if we need it.” She said with a grin. She was the secret weapon, of course. “You’ve kinda got a big old explosive there. Let’s not waste it-- we could draw them out with molotovs and then launch yours.” She said, gesturing to the stuff in Nadia’s hands. She’d have to ask her how she managed to rig up that crazy device. Holding one of the bottle aloft, Luce looked at the two. “You guys good with this?”

“I’m ready if you two are,” Nadia said. “We lure it to us and then bye-bye, fucker.” The three of them headed into the mouth of the alley. From there, Nadia could see Kaden and Alain blocking the other end. There was no sign of their friend the mime demon. Good. “I’m going to rig this to a wall,” Nadia murmured. “It’s timed, so when the thing gets close to us, we’ve got, like, fifteen seconds to get the hell out. We just need to make sure it doesn’t follow us.” She set it down, then took a molotov. “We need to get it here. And keep it here. It might try to escape with so many people around. But we need to get it here first.” Not wanting to waste time, she took a molotov, lit it, and threw it against one of the walls. Glass shattered, fire rained, and light filled the alley. She saw it, the creature, lurking in a corner, the light hitting its ghastly, expressionless face. Looking at it filled her with awful dread, and it only got worse as it scuttled towards the three of them slowly, on all fours.

"Feels like Mai 1968 all over again," he glanced over his shoulder at the barricade then back at the fire that was starting inside the restaurant. His hand clenched on his sword as he saw the creature approaching the three others, although something crawling up his back and on his head changed his priorities. Reaching for it with his free hand, his first instinct was to toss this thing away from here, but the thing was clinging to his hand. Okay, this is fine, he thought to himself, putting this thing as far as possible from his face to give it a look. 8 hairy legs, a dark abdomen and a striped thorax. Well he sure hoped that getting bitten by this thing wouldn't have the effect it did on spiderman because this Mime spider (because let's be honest, putain de bordel de merde, this was a fucking mime spider, wasn't it?) had just sank its mandibles into his hand and forced him into crushing the thing against the wall with his hand. And since good things never appeared alone, as Alain turned to warn Kaden about these, an army of more mime spiders appeared from the boxes. “Oh, putain,” he muttered to himself, crushing the next one underneath his boot.

So it wouldn’t just be a simple boom and leave kinda job, would it? Fine by Felix, his schedule for the day was fairly open. Plenty of time in the world to ruin a few mimes. When he laid eyes on the creature Nadia was talking to, he grinned with sharp teeth. The fucker had stolen his weed. Watching it burn alive would be a pleasure unknown before that very moment. “Oh fella, am I glad to see you,” he said to himself as he reached into his suit to grab a small piece of dynamite. He lit the wick and tossed it straight at the creature, who caught it with a swiftness that mildly alarmed. “Got something else for you to smoke, motherfucker.” The wick burned down to nothing and boom. The light from the flame licked against the fae’s triumphant expression. “Well huh, that was--” He stopped. The smoke fell and behind it, an expressionless, untouched face. An intact hand. Momentarily stunned, the only thing that brought Felix out of it was the feeling of something crawling on his leg. One of the spiders had made it down the alley. Outraged, he grabbed it and slid the knife out of his sleeve to stab it in the abdomen and twist. The small creature died with a whisper of oui. The fae brandished the knife as he backed up toward Nadia and Luce. “Well hot fucking dog.”

Kaden ducked a little and shielded his face with his arm as the explosion went off, just in case. Looking up to see that fucking place on fire was a beautiful sight. The sight of a fucking mime spider crawling on Alain’s face was less so. “Shit!” He fumbled and instinctively raised his gun at the thing (and the other hunter’s face). Right. Bad idea. He lowered it and realized he felt something crawling on his arm. His eyes shot down and saw one of those fuckers on him and even more by their feet. Putain. Were they wearing little berets? His brow furrowed a moment, then the thing jumped up towards him. Kaden yelped and flung it away. Fucking shit. He started stomping furiously, trying to squash as many of them as possible. He could have sworn small cries of “non” escaped with every crushed creepy stripey crawly. Cursed. A quick glance at Nadia and crew and saw they had a guest to this party. Fuck. He raised his gun to the beast waiting til it was in view and his colleagues were out of the way. Let out a breath. Aim. Fir— Fuck! A sharp pain hit his ankle, (and a whisper of “oui”). Fucking spider. The shot went wide. He didn’t take time to see where it hit, just slammed his heel down on the fucking spider and took another shot at the monster across the way. Hit. It had to have. But it looked like the bullet was… absorbed more than anything. The creature twitched and catorted it’s head, looking for its aggressor. It seemingly decided on the trio in front of it. Putain.

What a fucking mess. Nadia, not really knowing what to do and running out of options, reached in her jacket pocket and pulled out a handful of salt, throwing it at the creature that Kaden just shot. It was strange. The salt didn’t do a damn thing to the creature, but it did seem… stunned? Like it wasn’t expecting that. Just like she wasn’t expecting the mime spiders that were rapidly pouring out of the boxes. She crushed one under her boot, and then another. A softly whispered, “nooooon” filled her ear, and she shrieked and brushed at her shoulder, one of the fuckers falling to the ground for her to stomp on it. All the while, the mime monster was headed for her, Luce, and Felix. “Shit shit shit shit motherfucking shit,” Nadia said eloquently, wishing she’d packed her gun but, after seeing the fuck-all effect Kaden’s had, knowing it’d be useless. She needed to set up the big explosive, and they all needed to get out. While they could. “Cover me! Or get out! Or something! Shit!” Moving as quickly as she could to the restaurant wall, stepping on mime spiders (one cried out “baguette!” viciously as it’s final cry of revenge) and hoping the big one didn’t follow, she took the explosive and began rigging it to the side of the already burning restaurant. On fire was good. Destroyed was better. And maybe it’d take out that demon fucker and his spider fuck friends as well. At least, that’s what she fucking hoped.

Caught off guard by the horrific fucking mime spiders that were plaintifly saying random French words as they died, Luce hesitated at the shit show unfolding before her. What in the fucking shit was going on? But, before she could really process any of this, the large demonic mime thing whirled around and made its way towards her, Nadia, and Felix. Nose still smarting from her fight against the Fext, Luce knew she had to play smart this time. Grabbing the bottle of homegrown napalm she’d made, she chucked it at the horrible monster. Glass shattered, sending the sticky, clinging flammable fluid all over the thing’s body. With a quiet snap of her left hand, she summoned a small spark, igniting the giant mime monster. The monster roiled and she watched as it seemed to unbend, the black of where it’s stomach should be opening up to display a terrifying maw of jagged teeth. It snarled and stumbled around, smearing ignited napalm against the walls of the alleyway. It definitely wasn’t dead. “Ah fuck. How the fuck are you not dead?!” She said, backing away from the now flaming mime monster.

It was starting to become real apparent real fast that they were in something of a French pickle. A nervous energy compelled Felix to smile broadly in the face of black-and-white striped danger. In all his years, he had never seen mime spiders or whatever the heck the thing with the gaping maw was. White Crest really was the most cursed place on the planet. He couldn’t imagine being anywhere else! The creature contorted in a mass of limbs and a wide, gaping maw where a face shouldn’t be. Might as well have been a layer of hell the humans talked about sometimes. But it was a face of some kind and that meant that it had eyes most likely. Even if the dang thing defied most everything. He wasn’t keen on bringing out the lights in front of mostly strangers, but with all the fire and chaos, maybe it’d go unnoticed. “Well hell. Come on snake, let’s rattle.” As Luce stepped back, he gripped his glasses and slipped them down just enough to expose the bright, blinding beams of his eyes. Looked the striped, French devil in the eyes. The alleyway shifted underneath him and he stumbled back, barely getting his glasses back on. There was light all around him. There was too much fucking light. Was it daytime? When did it become daytime? He needed to go but the alley seemed to be turning, a colorless carnival tunnel that he couldn’t get footing on and he stumbled back. The knife fell out of his hand. The oui in his ears grew louder. He was in too much light and he felt too warm, like he was sitting in the sun. Nervous, what the fuck laughter bubbled out of him. Holy crepes, he might just die there.

The spider mimes kept coming, crying out "non" and whispering "hon, hon, hon," as they crawled up. "Oh no, absolutely not,” the hunter cried out ,throwing another one of these monsters into the flames that were starting to eat the restaurant. The spider squealed “omelette DU fromage,” but now may have not been the time to correct a spider’s poor knowledge of French grammar, especially after seeing Mr.MimeParties performing his best impression of fog headlights and falling right into the burning restaurant. “Putain de merde,” it was clear by now that the mime monster wouldn’t die, but that did not mean that Felix had to die instead. His sword dropped to the floor and shielding his face with his forearm, the hunter walked laboriously between flames and rubble. Even if that guy was definitely not human, he was helping them, and that meant something. Ripping away the spider, that had oui on repeat, clinging to Felix’s head, he put a hand under the man’s armpits and pulled him up against his chest. “Alright, let’s get you out of here, old sport.” Yeah, no, that was not going to do, Alain figured, as he decided to lift the man on his shoulder to carry him out of here. The smoke emanating from the building looking far from reassuring, and the threat of a roof collapsing on the both of them had Alain hurry out. “Any chance with our mime friend?” He called out as he put Felix down on his feet.

How in the fuck? Kaden watched as Luce lit the fucking mime demon on fire and it just. kept. Going. Like it was the energizer mime or some shit. That thought sent a chill down his spine. No, wait, that was another spider in a beret. He reached back and threw it off him. Alain had drug boy who seemed to be hypnotized, it was pretty clear Luce was ready to get the hell out of dodge, and so  was he. But Nadia was still there, rigging shit. And the monster was crawling towards her. Fuck. He rand over, shooting useless fucking rounds at the thing’s head in rapid succession. It did fuck all, as he suspected, but he hoped it bought Naida a few extra seconds. It reared back once more, exposing its teeth jutting out from its stomach. Shit, any moment it was going to come for him. He looked behind her towards the barricade. Another flood of spiders hissing “hon hon hon” were coming. They couldn’t stay there. “Nadia! Come on, let’s go!” he shouted as he looked back at her, hoping she was ready so they could get the hell out of there. Hell, in three seconds if she wasn’t ready he didn’t care, he was going to drag her out of there his damn self. He wasn’t letting anyone die by mime. Not today.

Luce was too busy running away from the shitty napalmed-assed mime fuck to really notice what the fuck was going on with Felix. But, when she saw the alleyway illuminated in strange light, the man fall backwards, and his glasses fall back in place, she frowned. What in the-- A tiny “Pomme de terre,” rang out near her ear and she felt something skittering across her back. Shuddering, she reached behind her and grabbed the awful little mime spider off her and stared at it as it tried to bite and claw at her face. What in the fucking shit. Curling her hand around the mime spider, she let the flames burn through her hand, igniting the mime spider. The spider shrieked in French pain and she hucked it across the alley at the giant mouth-stomach shit. “Fuck you and your shitty kids!” She yelled at the creature before turning around and bolting. She sprinted out of the alleyway, past Nadia, past Kaden, past all of them. She wasn’t about to be stuck here while this place went up in smoke. And she sure as shit wasn’t going to be dying here.