That is of no interest to me. That does not make you a lovable worm. 

Good. I’m glad you’re offended. 

You’re not even a fun person. Or whatever you are. Probably another fucking demon, with my luck.

No. 

No, I wouldn’t. I’d still dislike you for how much you’ve bothered me already.

I don’t even like you now.

No.

What the fuck does that- What is Mabel- I don’t understand. Okay.

Where the fuck did the cricket get a hat. Did Silas- I swear to God if that’s your inside source- 

[pm] Yeah, I was more of an inside kid. But I can handle some dirt here and there, when it suits me. What kind of farm are you working on getting up. Are you growing anything specific? I’d offer to help but, you know, city kid. Through no fault of my own! But still very much a city kid. You’ve got the right vibes for it for sure. Bart would look pretty ridic in heels, you’re right. Sad for him, but he’s got other things going for him!

Oh, but I don’t know where to set the bar! What if I confess to murder give you something big and you just tell me you’re not a natural redhead? That’s risky. I don’t think I’d ever live there, like, forever. It was kind of fun for a little while, though. I could pretend I was someone else in a TV show or something. All the TV shows are set in NYC. Right, there are at least two! I don’t remember if they made more after that. They probably did. They were always making, like, a billion sequels to cartoons back then. Hey, I don’t blame you. Church is boring as hell. I’ll make sure to order as many crab rangoons as they’re legally allowed to sell us!

[pm] When does it suit you then? It was given to me and my roommates by a friend of ours that recently passed. We’re working on a bit of everything here and there. I mean, you could come over and moral support and help out that way. Wouldn’t want to get dirt under your nails :P It’s okay, Bart can rock other things, like leg warmers on his little horns.

[pm] Nah. Got a lady that gets plenty of peeking.

Can I have her number? I’d like to ask her a few questions.

[pm] Ew.

[pm] Yeah, I think most people who are after the aesthetic are going to get kind of turned off by the dirt of it all. But if you like the work, I bet it’s worth it in the end. It probably feels good to see the literal fruits of your labor, huh? Yeah, I didn’t ask to be a city kid! Well, not being blonde, short, or Reese Witherspoon definitely isn’t a dealbreaker there. It’s the spirit that counts. And you’ve got the spirit of a short, blonde Reese Witherspoon, for sure. Bart doesn’t. Which is fine, not everyone can, but it definitely makes you the better lawyer. 

I don’t know, my secrets are pretty juicy. I couldn’t tell you one unless you told me one of yours. A whole quid pro quo thing. I lived there, but only for a few months. It’s kind of a hard place to live, you know? Everything’s so expensive. But tourists are very easy to rob. Yes! All Dogs do Go to Heaven! There wouldn’t be a movie about it if it weren’t true. You went to church more than I did, then. Absolutely with the crab rangoons. 

[pm] It’s true, but I have, in fact, never minded getting a little dirty. It’s totally worth it. Watching things grow, taking care of animals. It was nice. It’s nice here, though we’re still kinda working on getting the farm going. But I suppose you can be excused for being a city kid since it wasn’t your fault. I’ve got the spirit of a tiny blonde woman in all pink, you’re right. I could totally rock them heels. Bart, tragically, could not, and I hate that for Bart, but it’s just the way of life sometimes. 

I don’t care about a cricket’s feelings. Why is every kid in this town obsessed with bugs all of the sudden?

No.

[pm] Yeah, I guess cottagecore is probably more like what someone who grew up in the city thinks farming is like. Exhibit A: me, growing up in the city and thinking that. People can do just as much without an education as they can with one. I don’t know why everyone pretends otherwise. Well, if you’re anything like Elle Woods, I’ll be totally invincible in the law. Bart would only make me, like, mostly invincible. 

If I told you, they wouldn’t be secrets anymore, would they? It does get pretty loud, yeah. After a while, it kind of becomes white noise, though. At least for me. All pups are good pups. There’s no such thing as a bad dog. I’m firm on that stance. I’m totally a saint, yeah! How do you feel about Chinese takeout instead?

[pm] Little bit more sweat and mud than the cottagecore post want folks to believe, sadly. Still fun, though. Rewarding, I guess. Hard but rewarding work. You can’t be blamed for your cityslicker ways, though. Exactly. We just live in a society where folks think they gotta have one to be work something. Oh, I’m just like Elle Woods. Except I ain’t blonde. Or short. Or Reese Witherspoon. Bart would give it the real heave ho, best shot, but it’s only got a 99.9% success rate. I’m 100%.