#whyididntreport

Back in the day, I was sexually assaulted in a college dorm room while I was completely unconscious. I woke up, not even knowing that I was sexually assaulted and I did not find out until about two months later because I miscarried a child that I didn’t know I had since I thought I DID NOT HAVE SEX DURING THOSE TWO MONTHS.

I confronted him because I knew it was sexual assault, but he was so manipulative that he lead to me to believe that it was completely consensual and that we loved each other.

I did not have the chance to report the incident because I knew it wouldn’t have gone anywhere because I found out two months too late so there was no proof, and I continued to date him for another month because I was completely brainwashed.

During health class shortly after, we had a BIG lesson on sexual assault and they taught us the three main rules of consent which were voluntary, verbal, and sober. It finally hit me that you might be in love with the person, but that doesn’t matter if they RAPED you. They did not have “drunk sex” with your unconscious body. They RAPED your unconscious body.

The other night, I was with a boy I have been seeing for about a month now and he knows that I have been sexually assaulted before. Since I’m a legal studies major, I like to talk about politics a lot, and Kavanaugh is the talk of the town right now. I thought this wouldn’t be a bad topic because he knows what I’ve been though... APPARENTLY HE DIDN’T CARE.

He proceeded to say that “the woman who came forward had no right to do so since it has been so long, and if it was such a problem, she should’ve reported it then instead of ruining his life later on. Someone should not be held to their mistakes forever”.

I burst into tears damn near immediately since he knew DAMN GOOD AND WELL I didn’t report my incident. But if the boy who RAPED me was about to be in a position of power on the SUPREME FUCKING COURT OF THE UNITED STATES, you bet your ass I would be telling people right then and there! I also believe that rape is not a mistake. It is a conscious act that you make. You can absolutely regret raping someone for the rest of you life like you would any other mistake, but you should pay for the actions of sexual assault. Just because you got away with it while you were fifteen, doesn’t mean that you can avoid it for the rest of your life. You broke the person you assaulted mentally, physically, and emotionally while NOTHING happens to you. What about the victims? What about US?

We go through PTSD and clinical depression after. We can’t trust anyone for a while after and sex is not the same for a long time. I still cry in the middle of sex for no reason sometimes and it has been THREE YEARS. How come I am stuck with all these new found psychological issues while my attacker is not affected in the slightest? How is it fair that his life is fine and my life fell apart?

Kavanaugh potentially being on the Supreme Court is not easy to watch for people who have been sexually assaulted. Trump being elected president hasn’t been easy to watch for people who have been sexually assaulted. By electing this man and confirming the other, everyone is basically saying a big “fuck you” to the victims of sexual assault. We are sitting here blaming ourselves for what happened and watching our attackers live their lives like nothing happened.

The woman who was sexually grabbed by Trump? She had to watch him become president. Or how about Paula Jones? The woman who rejected Clinton’s unwanted sexual advances toward her and almost lost her job over it? She also had to watch him stay in his position of power as president. The WOMEN who have stepped forward about Kavanaugh? Might have to watch him sit on the Supreme Court. My attacker? Now has a family and a baby.

What is currently happening in politics at this moment is hard for ANYONE who has ever been sexually assaulted, both men and women. IT IS EXCRUCIATING AND MENTALLY DRAINING. My depression and anxiety has gotten worse just from seeing the Kavanaugh confirmation continue to happen.

Yes, the Kavanaugh nomination has nothing to do with me, but at the same time is has EVERYTHING to do with me. It has EVERYTHING to do with ANYONE who has ever been victimized.

I see you. I hear you. I BELIEVE YOU.

If you’re at a point where you can make a public statement, that is okay. If you’re not at a point where you can make a public statement, that is okay. If you are never at a point where you can make a public statement, that is okay.

Take care of yourselves.

A Year After the Weinstein Allegations, the #MeToo Movement Largely Hasn't Reformed Survivor Justice

On October 5, 2017, some people say the world changed — or at least it was supposed to. That day, a year ago, the New York Times published the first sexual misconduct allegations against Harvey Weinstein, claims that quickly grew from a few alleged survivors to a whole army of them. In the months that followed those allegations, many other powerful people were forced to reckon with past sexual abuse, harassment, and assault they had perpetrated. What became known as the #MeToo movement was called a tipping point, and in many ways it was.

Mostly, #MeToo has succeeded in making it acceptable to talk about the sexual misconduct that’s been going on for decades and decades. But while survivors are facing their trauma through calling hotlines, opening up to loved ones, and posting on social media, that public reckoning largely hasn’t translated into actual justice.

In the past year, many survivors of sexual abuse have come forward with their allegations in a world that’s seemingly more open to talking about them. This is evident on social media, where #MeToo spread like wildfire after the hashtag, based on a movement created by Tarana Burke more than a decade ago, was revitalized. But it is also evident in the call volume increase the National Sexual Assault Hotline saw in the months following the initial Weinstein allegations. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, the hotline saw a 21% increase in calls at that time. Beyond talking about it, some major institutions — like the Senate — have changed their sexual harassment policies to better protect people in the work place. And the movement has spread globally, too, with the #MeToo hashtag being used across the world. And, of course, there have been some notable moves by the justice system after #MeToo picked up in the last year. Bill Cosby was sentenced to prison, and Weinstein was indicted on multiple sexual misconduct charges.

But as time has passed, some of those who were knocked down by #MeToo allegations are slowly and quietly creeping back into positions of power and celebrity. We saw Louis C.K. returning to the stage nearly a year after being accused of, and apologizing for, repeatedly masturbating in front of female colleagues. Jian Ghomeshi, who was accused of sexual assault by more than 20 women, will have an article in the October 11 edition of the New York Review of Books that purports to reflect on this exact situation — what happens to men after they are accused of sexual assault. Ghomeshi was acquitted of sexual assault charges and settled an additional sexual assault charge "with a peace bond and public apology" as noted by an editor's letter preceding his piece. And, as the Senate considers a Supreme Court nominee who has been accused of sexual misconduct by three women, many in the national spotlight have argued not over whether the nominee is guilty of assault, but whether it would actually matter if he was. The President of the United States cast doubt on nominee Brett Kavanaugh’s accusers, wondering why Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, the first to come forward, took decades to do so. That gave rise to #WhyIDidntReport — yet another social media movement in which survivors were forced to explain the systems of oppression, shame, and fear that kept them from reporting their assaults.

Our society has just come around to the idea that there is something wrong.

With all that, many have wondered what #MeToo has really changed, if anything. Certainly, things are different now, some have said. It would be hard for things to stay the same after a nationwide, even global, conversation about sexual misconduct. But when it comes to justice for survivors, experts say the systems in place are largely the same.

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is fucking stupid. Go to the fucking police. Unless you live in the Middle East, they will take your case seriously. Stop trying to fearmonger victims who are going through one of the worst time of their lives, and support them going to the police.

Why I Didn’t Report: 

1. Because I was six, and they played it off as ‘boys will be boys’ after I told them one of my fellow male classmates had put his hands down my pants during a show in the auditorium. 

2. Because I was sixteen and it was a boy I liked. Because I thought that everything was okay at first, until I told my story to a friend who said, “You know that’s technically rape, right?” Because I didn’t know, at the time, that rape could happen with someone you knew. I didn’t know that there were other forms of rape, opposed to the extremely abusive scenarios depicted in shows. Because how could I do that to someone that I went to school with? 

3. Because I lost track of all the names and faces of every guy in a bar that reached out their hand just to grab my ass. 

4. Because I started to believe it was the norm. Because I was in Toronto with a friend when a large group of guys shoved us up against a wall, on a public sidewalk as people passed by, and no one did anything. Because the friends of the two particular guys who were doing the most, didn’t care. Because the bystanders walking by, didn’t care. Because I finally realized that they got to shove their hands up my skirt or feel up my friend and get away with it. Because. Nobody. Cared. 

And that’s the continued lesson this government is showing us, the victims. 

That they don’t care.