#walking on

Sometimes the best map will not guide you You can't see what's 'round the bend Sometimes the road leads through dark places Sometimes the darkness is your friend

“I’m dying to believe that my breath is a promise..” - Sarah Jakes

The above quote is from a sermon she gave and that line sums it all up for me at this moment in time.  The past few days, weeks, months...years you might as well say have been testing to put it mildly.  My walk with the Lord has been growing deeper as what I once did and where I’m going are at odds.  I’m in a wrestling match with myself...my default self and who I was born to be.  The past few days I’ve been feeling especially angry and hopeless all at once, nothing new here, right? According to TD Jakes (Sarah’s dad), you begin changing after making a decision to change, it’s as simple as that.  No tears or shouting or exclamations: just making up your mind.  When you decide to no longer do what you did as it is no longer working for you and you commit - that’s when change happens. 

I’ve been dying to believe that my breath is a promise too, nothing makes sense to me, I’ve been struggling with self-doubt and self loathing for as long as I’ve been alive - being who I am and the way I am has never made sense to me.  I’ve wanted to stop breathing countless times, but the Lord promised me in Jeremiah 29:11 that he has a plan for me.  Today I decided to have faith in his promise, to have faith in the fact that I’m alive and alive for a reason.  I decided to stop trying to please people and most importantly to not trust my feelings, but to trust God’s promises.  I’ll feel, I’ll get the urges and acknowledge them as they pass through me, but I’ll carry on anyway.

Empire Of The Sun.