#vulnerablity

You all know I love Percy getting princess treatment and being loved and protected. Seeing one who’s been through shit but still standing? Someone get him a chair, ice cream, and cuddles. 

I understand the boy is gonna push back and beat his chest, point Riptide at you, even when he's bleeding out and traumatized. He doesn’t like to tell people about his problems. He's gonna be like, "It's only a scratch. Quit worrying!" Then when Apollo (or anyone) shows protectiveness and goes ape shit and wanna beat the shit outta someone who hurts Percy, he gets upset and pushes him away. 

And it got me thinking... again.

It seems to me that Percy pushes away protection and help, not just because he feels small. He had already gone through hell and people making him feel small and worthless. Being made small, feeling helpless, and relying on someone who treats you like shit feels horrible. He doesn't need that again, especially by gods who get off on making others feel small. I understand that, and I feel the same way. “I'm not weak and can handle my own.” 

Another reason is giving control. Again, back to his childhood, he didn’t have autonomy or his own space because of Gabe. I understand that this protectiveness appears ‘controlling,’ he feels stifled, even if that’s not their true intention.

However, I also feel Percy does it because he feels he's not worth it. To him, he doesn't deserve to be cared for like that. Why should anyone do that? Besides, he can handle himself. That's why he's powerful, right? If he can give the gods a run for their money and is the savior to all, including the gods, why the fuck does he need to be protected? It’s a waste of time and makes little sense. Plus, he'll just heal. So, no biggie. 

So, when Apollo, his father, brother, and some of his friends get protective, Percy gets annoyed and pushes them away, especially in Perpollo fics. "I'm not weak. Quit treating me like I'm glass. I've been through shit since I was a kid. I didn't need you then. Why would I need you now? Don't feel sorry for me. Don't you dare feel sorry for me. You may be a god, but I'm not some weak punk. I can handle my shit." I want Apollo to respond this way, but he apologizes or STOPS. Not pauses— STOPS.

Me, reading: *screams internally*

I understand and am happy that he respects Percy’s boundaries and autonomy. Yes, Apollo (or anyone else) has to EARN Percy's trust. It shouldn’t be thrust upon him. 

With that being said, this is what I want Apollo to respond with:

I don’t protect you because I’m a god. Your strength is never in question when I want to embrace you. I do it because I love you. You mean a lot to me, and seeing you stay strong when you're hurting inside pains me. It upsets me you don't think you’re all that. But, baby, you’re worth more than the stars in Olympus.

(I wrote a page paragraph but didn’t want it to be too melodramatic.)

Anyways, *grabs Percy’s face* Strong or not, you’re worth it. Hero or failure, you’re worth it. It’s okay to rely on someone and rest. You may be a hero, but you’re still human, Percy. You still bleed, you still get tired, you still get hurt. You're not weak for wanting someone to hold you and be vulnerable. It’s okay to take breaks. *kisses his forehead* Treat yourself, sweetheart.

In this lead up to the second anniversary of the Schitt’s Creek finale, I’m revisiting some of my favorite articles:

“This is one key to Schitt's Creek's abiding appeal — the opportunity to watch characters we've come to know staying true to who they are even as we can see them evolving. The Roses didn't fundamentally change, but they grew -- they added layers of humanity, sincerity and vulnerability, even as the series allowed them to hold on to a sense of self-awareness that kept things from getting too sticky-sweet.”

https://www.npr.org/2020/04/07/828866063/the-schitt-s-creek-finale-gave-david-a-happy-ending

“A further sign of health is that we don't become undone by fear and trembling, but we take it as a message that it's time to stop struggling and look directly at what's threatening us.”

Psychic Study (11)

-A Guide to Self-Protection-

⑥Reflecting fears and angers

In relation to psychic and HSP practitioners, being a magnet for needy people. Another difficulty about sharing a space with a group of people, is they are extremely vulnerable that they can reflect excess amounts of emotional baggage of people around them.

Do you often end up screaming in the middle of office, where you work or at home. And are then labeled as a temperamental person?

Observe the room where you are carefully, before screaming.

No, it was not you. It could be a person next you or someone hiding in the corner, who is utterly angry and frustrated or fearful and nervous. It could be your boss or a home owner.

That person is hiding his/her emotions and pretending that everything is OK. However, psychic & HSP automatically pick up on their upset and reflect these, on their behalf. In this way, they are able to help them relieve their distress, but may end up absorbing too much negative energy.

This is a difficult one. Be aware that you are not a temperamental person, but you are with temperamental people.

サイキックの学習（11）

-自己防衛ガイド-

⑥他人の恐怖感や怒りの反映

サイキックやHSPが、問題のある人々を磁石のように引き寄せてしまうことに関連したもう一つの問題があります。彼らは、周りの人々が秘めている、憂鬱や怒りなどの行き場の無い感情を反映してしまう特性を持っています。だから、他の人と同じスペースを共用する場合に、非常にもろい面を持っています。

あなたは、しばしば、職場や家で、居た堪れずに突然叫び出したりする羽目に陥ったりしませんか？そして、無闇に「短気な人」と言うレッテルを貼り付けられてはいませんか？

違います、それはあなたではありません。辺りをよく注意して見回してください。

それは、どうしようもない怒りや欲求不満を腹に抱えながら、それをひたすら隠し続けている、あなたの隣に座っている人、または、部屋のコーナーに隠れているあの人かもしれません。中には、長年隠し続ける余り、しまいには本人ですら自分の感情を見失っている人までいます。

その人たちは、常に、ドロドロした憎しみを隠し、表向きは平穏を装っています。でも、サイキックやHSPは、自動的に周囲の行き場の無いような感情を受けて、本人たちの代わりに反映してしまうのです。反映してもらった当人たちは、もちろん癒されます。しかし、癒した方はやたらと消耗します。

これは、かなり難しい問題です。あなたは、短気な人ではありません。気難しい短気な人に囲まれているだけです。落ち着いて、息を深く吸って、当たり障りのない言い訳を言って、すぐにその場を離れましょう。最悪の場合は、転職するか、引っ越しをお勧めします。

society and the fact that they believe males aren’t allowed to be vulnerable is so messed up.

you’re allowed to be vulnerable, you’re allowed to feel.

Just offer to be there for them, and even step up to the plate and reach out.

Grief is messy and uncomfortable and it hurts. It seeps into your very being, and makes a home of the jagged empty holes left in hearts.