#venty post

I remember being bullied for having more “masculine characteristics”. I remember being mistaken for a boy. I remember all of that. I remember being put on birth control patch last year and getting “feminine characteristics”. I remember getting tits. I remember going through “female puberty” at 20 years old instead of “normal girls” who went through it at 13 or so. I remember gaining 30 pounds on birth control instead of being very skinny. It was all way different from the puberty I went through at 13 where my voice dropped, I got more hair, I grew broader shoulders, I got skinnier etc etc.

And then, I remember going to the doctor a few months ago for ovarian cysts. I remember her telling me I’m very hairy. I remember asking her if me being on birth control would affect hormone testing. I remember her saying no. I remember getting those tests back and being disappointed when they came back that my hormones were normal and didn’t explain the years of bullying, confusion, everything. I remember her then messaging me, confirming that my birth control indeed probably affected my test results, and to “just keep taking it cause it was working” with no follow-up care or diagnosis.

I remember feeling so heartbroken. But then slowly, that sadness turned into anger. Anger for the years I lost of no answers and the years I am losing with no answers. Then relief. Relief for finding people that understood me. Relief for finding people who went through and are going through similar things as me. Relief that I found a name for what I’m going through, and relief for accepting that name.

ohmfg I have a state test tomorrow too. I’m actually gonna jump dude whaaaaat the fuck

Time to crank sombr ig??