#ventmaxxing

ive had a DAY of my mom atp

(and the only reason im posting is bc im running out of space and need to validate myself by showing myself this stuff is real and did happen, due to my short memory)

she literally invalidates my food allergies, specifically getting me things im allergic to, and getting upset when I wont eat it. that and I have sensory issues, so a lot is hard to eat for me, and im getting less mobile anymore as well ( T∀T)

and, after the second conversation, she came into my room, hurt my foot twice (I have ingrowns and she usually ignores them + isnt careful abt them at all) and got mad after my reflexes kicked in. ...and I kicked her – but ive warned her multiple times before – if someone tries to touch me without my permission, ill instinctively kick, or punch

yes, she always (and I mean ALWAYSS) steps over my boundaries, crosses lines I keep having to draw, and does NOT respect me in the slightest, in terms of my preferences, allergies, phobias, and everything else.

this wouldnt be as bad, but im currently in a depressive episode, and im close to the edge already as it is.

she keeps yelling, and getting angry at me, and im already shaking writing this (once again) and i legitimately have no idea what to do, I cant take this.

I try to keep her happy so she doesnt get violent, but it never works long enough, or good enough.

idk this kinda feels like some sorta breaking point, but i dont think i can do this anymore

(to make one thing clear, though,, THEYRE GOOD PEOPLE, just not people for me)

every interaction I have with them, though, I feel terrible afterwards. ive had (very very few) interactions where ive left, and looked back, and seen barely anything wrong with what happened, like the overthinking part of my head finally shut up for once, cause they were so nice and actually saw me

but when im with specific friends, I feel nice, and have fun for a fleeting moment, then they just,, ignore me for however long after that. AND I GET IT‼️‼️ theyre introverted, they have social batteries like anyone else, they get overwhelmed, tired, pushed harder by their parents, or just not in the mood to talk to me personally,, but its every single time, im around, theyre like this. i cant keep doing this to myself,, I can't keep,,, letting myself get hurt, and that hurts because theyre good, nice people who dont deserve to get cut off by someone for a, relatively stupid reason like this

but (for example) yesterday, their dog was growling at us [me, ato] and they didn't do anything,, despite one of them very specifically knowing im afraid of dogs—and for reference, half the time they were all doing somwthing without us (WHICH IM NOT SAYING THEY HAD TO, invite us) in the other room,, while our mom had surgery,

I mean i figured theyd be more sympathetic, but thats on me for assuming (ming reference here)

anyway,, woag,, u read all of that 🫵🫵🤨❓️

uh ummmmm mmmmm have a,,,

idk this kinda feels like some sorta breaking point, but i dont think i can do this anymore

(to make one thing clear, though,, THEYRE GOOD PEOPLE, just not people for me)

every interaction I have with them, though, I feel terrible afterwards. ive had (very very few) interactions where ive left, and looked back, and seen barely anything wrong with what happened, like the overthinking part of my head finally shut up for once, cause they were so nice and actually saw me

but when im with specific friends, I feel nice, and have fun for a fleeting moment, then they just,, ignore me for however long after that. AND I GET IT‼️‼️ theyre introverted, they have social batteries like anyone else, they get overwhelmed, tired, pushed harder by their parents, or just not in the mood to talk to me personally,, but its every single time, im around, theyre like this. i cant keep doing this to myself,, I can't keep,,, letting myself get hurt, and that hurts because theyre good, nice people who dont deserve to get cut off by someone for a, relatively stupid reason like this

but (for example) yesterday, their dog was growling at us [me, ato] and they didn't do anything,, despite one of them very specifically knowing im afraid of dogs—and for reference, half the time they were all doing somwthing without us (WHICH IM NOT SAYING THEY HAD TO, invite us) in the other room,, while our mom had surgery,

I mean i figured theyd be more sympathetic, but thats on me for assuming (ming reference here)

anyway,, woag,, u read all of that 🫵🫵🤨❓️

uh ummmmm mmmmm have a,,,

yk, I was feeling better after talking abt things that have been bothering me, but then my mom just. aughghghhghghdhsj

me, going up to her trying to get her attention for a joke

she suddenly puts her hand on my shoulder to put on her s l i p - o n sandals (I nudge her hand off)

I give her a look

suddenly, she : "yknow, I have a feeling that if my life was in your hands, id die."

uh. yeah. no shiz. I am your youngest disabled child. what would I possibly do. (I didnt say that, but. ehh)

she: "you cant just be mean to someone then get mad at them for being rude. thats not how the world works." (many people would disagree, I think)

well. cool, fun. amazing. im gonna go stare at old positive reaffirmations from my moots now

this idiot favorite child is arguing that it IS justified 😭😭😭