003 - The Balance (Request)
A/N: Hi everyone! First of all, Iâm very excited to share this fic with you because this is my first request! I feel honoured and very nervous too. Dear anon, hope you like it and thank you so much for trusting me to write this. To everyone, let me know what do you think about it, if you want I would love a feedback. Thank you so much for reading my stories and everything. Oh almost forgot, do you prefer the titles with more description? Or something like a summary? Please let me know. Again, thanks for reading! X
Bassed on:
Hello! Would I be able to request a fic where "y/n" is a musician as well who's dating Van, but you find out you're pregnant and while you and him are excited to be parents, you guys have to hide it from fans, etc.? Thank you! x
You were waiting at backstage for your turn to play at a big festival on UK. It wasnât the first time you had to do it with your band, a few years ago you played earlier for a small crowd. This time it was different. Your band was getting bigger, and the fan base had grown up fast. You were nervous, as always. For you, playing shows was a mix of fear and joy.
The adrenaline ran on your veins since you woke up that morning and you went directly to the bath of the hotel room to throw up. You supposed you were just nervous, and didnât say anything to the rest of the band or your manager, not even Van who was playing there too with his band. But as the hours passed, you werenât feeling much better, and he noticed it.
âBabe, are you okay? You look pale, more than usualâ Van asked taking a sit beside you at the sofa that the production had putted on the big tent for the bands.
âI feel a little sick but Iâm fineâ you replied, lying. You felt like shit.
The sickness made you feel dizzy. You stood up and went directly to the closest bathroom, of course it was occupied. The room was full of people. There was a trash can close to the restrooms, and without thinking you put your head on in and let go all your breakfast and the banana you ate a few minutes earlier. Van stood up and ran towards where you were; he took your hair and put it on a messy bun.
âY/N, this isnât fineâ he imitated your voice.
âIâm okay, just nervous I guess.â
You still felt like shit during the entire performance and even after the show. When you came back to the backstage Van was waiting for you with a worried face. Your acting failed with him, he could read your mind and see though your soul. Â He hugged you and whispered on your ear how fantastic you were and how proud he was of you. Out of the blue, you started crying. His words made you emotional, he said things like that all the time, but in that occasion you were more sensitive than usual. He wiped out your tears and kissed the top of your nose. You smiled at him, trying to convince him, and yourself, that you were fine.
///
The next morning you woke up suddenly, got out of the bed quickly and went directly to the bathroom to puke again. You felt your whole body weak. You rested your arms on the toilet, thinking about what it could be. It was unusual; waking up feeling sick two days in a row, you never felt something like that. This time Van woke up and went to check on you.
"Babe, are you okay?" he asked with his morning voice "can I come in?"
"Yeah" you murmured not sure if Van heard that but he opened the door slowly, anyways.
"What's wrong?" He sounded worried.
"Dunno, I feel like shit again" you voice was almost inaudible.
Van went on his knees at you side and put one of his hands on your forehead to check your temperature. It was normal. You didn't have fever, at least. He insisted to call a doctor, he said it wasnât normal, and you couldnât use the nerves as an excuse. You refused, doctors always scared you. That was your free day; you werenât playing at the festival, or doing any interviews for promo. You convinced him that all you needed was to stay in bed and rest, maybe you were stressed or tired.
"Okay, so... can I help with something, some pills, water?" he looked at you with a frown.
"No, no, I'm fine" just the thought of swallowing anything made you want to vomit again.
He touched your back, trying to bring you comfort while you closed your eyes and took some deep breaths. After a few moments, he helped you to get up on your feet again and watched you in silence while you washed your teeth and your face, then he guided you back on the bed and wrapped you with the blankets.
"Thanks" you murmured closing your eyes, again.
Van pressed his warm lips on your forehead, softly and whispered "I love you" on your left ear.
///
The sound of the magnetic card opening the door woke you up, again. Vanâs head appeared floating between the frame and the door, making a weird facial expression with his mouth.
âSorry, did I wake you?â he said in a low tone.
âYeah, but it's fineâ you moved slowly and sat on your side of the bed, trying to incorporate yourself on the real world.
âHow you feeling?â he asked entering the room without closing the door, just walking in your direction and taking a sit on the edge of the bed, right by your side. He left a plastic bag on your bedside table and touched your leg above the blankets; his eyes scanned your face, trying to decode your state, still with a worried look.
âBetter, I thinkâ you said, honestly.
âDo you want me to call a doctor, now?â
âNo, no itâs fine, maybe it was something I ate, food poison.â
âY/N, we ate the same food and I feel completely fine.â he had a point, you thought.
âThen maybe itâs a virus, I donât know, but Iâm feeling better, reallyâ you smiled, touching his left cheek with your right hand. He ran his fingers through his hair; he did that when he was nervous about something.
âVan, Iâm fine. Can you relax? You look more stressed than me and Iâm the one who is feeling like crapâ you tried to calm him but you did the opposite.
âSee? You said it! You feel like crap, stop acting like youâre okay, Y/Nâ he wasnât yelling at you but his voice sounded an inch higher, he used that tone when he was stressed about something, and it was rare on him. He usually was the one who stayed calm.
âOkay, if I puke again, then weâll call a doctor, I promiseâ you offered him a truce.
âAlrightâ he sighed âyou scared the shit out of me.â
âIâm sorryâ you said quietly. Van gave you a weak smile, but he kept his worried expression. You moved and pecked the top of his nose. âI love youâ you confessed for the million time.
âI love you, tooâ he replied taking a deep breath âare you hungry? Wanna eat something?â he asked.
âHmm yeah a bit, what time is it?â
â5pm, you slept all day, sleeping beautyâ he joked, he was in his âhappy puppyâ mood, like you used to say, again.
âReally? Fuck, I was knockoutâ
âYeah, completely passed outâ he agreed.
He called the room service and ordered the healthiest meal that they had. You rolled your eyes at how he was over protecting you; and grabbed the bag. It was full of supplies for sick people, a bottle of Gatorade, two of Evian water, a box of lemon tea, many different pills that you never heard about, and a pregnancy test. Van hanged up the phone and gave you his attention again. You looked like you have seen a ghost.
âJust in caseâ he clarified, lifting his shoulders.
âDo you think itâs...â you didnât need to finish the sentence, Van already knew what you talking about.
âDunno, maybe?â he replied, biting his lower lip âitâs a possibility, right?â he couldnât help but gave you a wide smile.
Van always wanted to have kids, since you met him a few years ago he talked openly about wanting to have a family of his own, buy a house, getting married, having children, all the stuff. When you started dating it was something that you both discussed many times. The first big step was moving together, and it went great. The second thing was getting married; he didnât propose you officially but gave you the necklace his father gave to his mom when they got married. It was a tradition, when he came to this world his mom gave it to him. He would do the same with the love of his life and his future kids.
You wanted all that too, he was the love of your life, every time you saw Van around children your heart melded and couldnât help to think about having your own kids. He would be a great father, for sure. But on the other hand, you both had a very special, atypical and complicated lifestyle for including all those things on your plans. Both bands were getting bigger, playing at big venues for many people, all over the world. You both had a huge amount of loyal fans expecting new material, new tour dates, and you didnât knew if you would be able to handle everything at the same time.
You put the small box inside the plastic bag again and took the bottle of water instead, trying to focus on something else. Van didnât say anything about it, just switched on the TV and moved right next to you on the bed, with one arm open for you to cuddle by his side, as you always did.
///
You've bitten your thumbnail and bounced your leg sitting on the edge of the bathtub for a few minutes, waiting for the results of the pregnancy test. Everything was quiet, you were alone, Van was already sleeping but you couldnât. Searching on your phone the symptoms wasnât the best idea you ever had. It could be anything, a simple flu, a baby, or even cancer. The thoughts were running on your mind. You were tired of looking at the ceiling in the dark. You need to know if you were pregnant or not, at least.
The tiny object was burning on your fingers. You didnât want to see it alone but you didnât want to wake up Van and giving him high hopes, if the result was negative he would be devastated, you knew how excited he was, even if he tried to act like it wasnât a big deal. But if it was positive, you wanted to share that moment with him.
You didnât have to choose, a few knocks on the door told you that Van was already woken.
âLove? Are you sick again?â he sounded really concerned.
You didnât answer so he opened the door, slowly. He stood up in front of you and looked to the tiny object on the sink; you put it with the screen down so he didnât saw the result either.
âYou did itâ he said, gasping.
âYeahâ you replied contemplating his face.
âWhat does it say?â Van was pale as a ghost, more than usual.
âI- I donât know, I didnât check it yetâ you sounded terrified, and you were.
âDo you think youâre- do you think itâs positive?â he asked, gulping his own saliva.
âMaybe, thereâs a chance...â
A few months before, when you and Van were on a break from touring with your bands, you started trying to get pregnant but it didnât worked. You went to doctors and all the results of your analysis were fine, they didnât find anything bad, yet. But the world kept moving, and you both had to come back to your crazy lives, so you stopped trying and drop the subject. âEverything happens for a reasonâ you said to yourself.
A couple weeks ago, it was your anniversary and you celebrated it taking a bath together, drinking champagne with candles all over the place, the lust and passion made you a bit reckless and didnât use protection. You havenât thought about it so much, until that moment.
âDo you want me to leave you alone?â he said, unsure of what you needed.
âNo, no please, stay...â you replied immediately âletâs find out what it says together.â
You took the test and put it on one of his hands, and then you closed it with your palm against his knuckles while your eyes were connected with his. You wanted to tell Van how much you loved him and that he was the love of your life, forever, but no words came out of your mouth. He pressed his lips on yours, hard, and took the back of your neck with his free hand. You opened your mouth to kiss him properly, with desperation.
âI love you so muchâ you whispered, without oxygen on your lungs.
âI love you tooâ he replied âwhatever it says, or whatever you want to do, whatever happens, Iâm here, okay? I support you...â you nodded feeling the tears on your face.
Youâve never been more nervous in your entire life. Your heart was beating so fast, your hands shaking. You thought you will faint right there if you didnât check soon what the result said.
âAlrightâ you said letting go Vanâs hand. He opened slowly, he was shaking too.
You both looked at the small sign. Positive. You looked up to see Vanâs reaction. His eyes were bigger than you ever seen before. His mouth opened but no sound came out. He was waiting for your reaction, or he was in shook.
You smiled and kissed him with your arms around his neck and your body pressed to his. He held you with force. You took a step back to look at his face again.
âWeâre having a babyâ you said, breaking in tears of happiness.
Van let go a laugh and a few tears too. His nose was red as his lips. He gave you a peck on your lips, without saying anything yet. Van was speechless for the first time in his entire life.
âWeâre having a babyâ he repeated touching one of your cheeks with the palm of his hand. âAre you sure? Do you want to have it?â he asked, and the colour of his face ran away.
You didnât doubt it for a second. You were absolutely sure that you wanted a family with him.
âIâm fucking scared but yeah, I want to-â your voice broke âI want to have a family with you.â
Both cried and laughed at the same time, and kissed and hugged many times. Then he guided you back to the dorm and both went to bed. Van opened one arm and you moved your body close to his, laying your head on his shoulder.
///
The next few months were the most chaotic of your entire life, the tour-life didnât compare to the changes you felt internally on your body and on your life in general. The morning sickness kept appearing, it was definitely the worst part. The best part was seeing your belly growing, faster than you and Van imagined. He was more excited than you about that. Another thing that you loved was seeing him while he touched your stomach, and talked or sang to the baby. It was weird but lovely. You never felt more happier.
Your band mates and âthe Catfish familyâ were very supportive and excited, too. They always made jokes about which instrument the baby was going to learn to play first, and who was going to be the favourite band member of the creature. You loved to see them discuss it as if was the middle East conflict.
But at the same time many thoughts were floating inside your mind. One of them was how were you going to tell the news to the fans. You were very shy and liked to keep your personal life in private. Van was like that too, but he was more transparent than you. He wore his heart on his sleeve all the time, without even noticing it, he couldnât help it. You loved that. It was one of the things that you more loved and admired about him, but for the first time you felt like it was an inconvenient.
âVanâ you said as you stopped singing a new song youâve been working on.
He rolled his head on the couch he was sitting on in the music studio of your house. Van had built it as soon as you confirmed your pregnancy. You both always dreamed about it, and with a baby coming, it was the perfect excuse to keep working on your music while you were staying home. That was what kept you sane. You needed something different to focus your mind.
âHmm?â he emitted a weird sound.
âHow do you think that we should keep... this?â you pointed your belly behind the acoustic guitar you were holding.
âWhat do you mean?â he frowned, confused.
âI mean, I donât know how we should communicate the news. People are starting to ask questionsâ you said, worried.
The fans were already talking online, making assumptions, after you made some public appearances wearing oversized clothes, not rare on you, you used to wear Vanâs clothes all the time, but your figure was changing inside of them. Some people thought that you were getting weight, it was true. Others commented directly on your social media if you were pregnant. That was what freaked you out. You didnât know how to handle all that attention.
âFuck it if they talkâ he sang, he was quoting one of his own song lyrics.
âIâm seriousâ you said, trying not to laugh about his stupid joke.
âDunno, theyâll find out, eventuallyâ he seemed so relaxed. âWe can make an official statement like the celebs, you know? Like BeyoncĂ©âsâ you laughed âor we can keep it simple and if someone asks us, we confirmed it.â
âI donât want to make a big deal about it, I donât like being the centre of attention, like youâ he rolled his eyes but he knew it was true, he was a Leo, of course he loved it âbut I donât want to anyone make money or take advantage of our baby.â
âI wonât let that happen, love. Iâll demand The Sun if itâs necessary.â You laughed, but that wasnât the only thought on your mind. You touched your belly, thinking how the fans would react to the news.
âAnd what about the fans?â you gulped your own saliva.
âWhat about âem?â he asked really unconscious of all the bad things that ran on your mind.
âWhat if they get upset about me having a baby and taking a break from touring and stuff, what if they hate me for you know having a child with... you.â He moved to rest his head on your legs, and you started playing with his hair. âYou act like itâs not a big deal but there are many girls out there dreaming about carrying all of your children and call them stupid shitâ you sang Hourglass, one of his most famous songs. It was your turn for stupid jokes. He laughed like a madman.
âAre you serious, Y/N?â he said when he noted that behind your humor was your real concern.
âYeah, Iâm worry about all thatâ
âOh câmon, love. Itâs gonna be okay. I promiseâ he sounded so sure of it that you relaxed a little âYouâre over thinking and itâs not good for you or you both...â he touched your stomach and kissed it quickly. He was right, you were overthinking and overreacting. âWe are in this together, Iâll take care of you and our mini-Vanâ he already had chosen a nickname.
âThe fans will wait, they love you. If BeyoncĂ©âs has done it, you can.â Another reference to your biggest idol, he knew how to calm your nerves with a stupid joke âAnd about my fans... well, theyâll get over itâ He hushed his shoulders, ââsides, Iâm making tons of new songs that they gonna to love it, just keepinâ âem fed well, yâknow?â he recorporated himself on the couch and gave you a kiss on your forehead when you rested your head on his shoulder, taking a deep breath.
He made everything looks so simple; you admired his capacity to be relaxed all the time about stuff that freaked you out. It was the perfect balance between your personalities.
You didnât know how you were going to deal with pregnancy for the next few months, or how hard it would be to keep doing what you loved and carrying a child at the same time, or even how you would tell the world about it. But you knew one thing for sure, with Van by your side; everything was going to be alright.














