i keep showing you doors

i’m so fucking sick of feeling like this. i’m fucking sick of being told that no, he doesn’t come first, no, I don’t know, I think I like you, no, you have no reason to feel this way, no, it’s okay, and then watch while you’re making plans with HIM on the weekend that I was supposed to come see you without even telling me that hey, I might not be in after all

And I’m sick of your “I didn’t know” and “I didn’t think” and “I thought I got it right” because you could’ve just asked what dates instead of not telling me until it was finalised. and I’m sick of feeling like even though you’re not saying it you’re always going to go for the mediocre white boy because you’re too much of a fucking coward to actually take a risk once in your life and it’s fine, I’m reclaiming my own life and I’m going out and I’m trying to do what’s right for me but it still fucking hurts and if I tell you that all I’m gonna get it “I didn’t realise” or “I didn’t think” because you never fucking do.