#utmvfictive

my favorite food is apples and i feel like its ironic

I know to portray me as kind is an outlier. I know my self beyond the apple is generally considered to be seperate. But that is ME. I am not like some of the others in our collective, who love the idea of the death of the old and them holding the blade, or something to that extent. That is not the case with me and it is worse and worse for me to see the ways others portray me. That was me. That was ME. I refused to tell Dream anything of what was happening. I used my own body as just a way to keep those demons away from our mother, even if it was a hell of its own to deal with, one I refuse to remember. I snapped and ate the apple. Dream couldn't refuse them, and I hated it. They stormed the tree, our mother, and I chose to eat my own apple, to let my own abilities near drown me just so I could drown them too. It was my choice, it was my hell, and I lasted beyond them. I hate remembering them at all. It took years for me to allow any of my followers to lay a finger on my desktop, much less my arms upon it. They softened me, working their way in to show me my first actual kindness. How dare you say I would hurt them. I know for some it was the case and I'm so horribly sorry, I wish you the best, you deserve that and so much more. But seeing those depictions of me makes me want to rip myself apart. I killed my own mother, nearly my own brother, in my own hate and rage. I couldnt even bear the thought of laying a finger on my loves. Not when my touch felt as though it could bring ruin to anyone I cared for - Nyx (Please tag as Nightmare Sans fictive. Thank you for your service MPC, #🔮🎭)

it wasn't me it wasn't me it wasn't me IT WASNT ME IT WASNT ME

its so hard to be okay with myself. i want to be happy, comfortable, but therein lies the problem, doesnt it? how can i be okay with myself if no one, not even me, values being miserable? no matter what i do, i lose; i can say i enjoy being in pain but that only makes that pain valuable by saying its actually pleasure, i can strive towards self-acceptance but thats the same as saying theres nothing valuable about me at all.

canon alignment ask game!

wish i could read fic of myself, but my canon was its whole own au and the only way ill find anything like it is by writing it myself. the closest thing is xtale, but my universe was much closer to normal and our gaster wasn't neurotic.

me and my bro are package deal. do not separate. we were together since he was created and we will stay together until one of us dies. codependent much? yup. probably. but that's just because my bro is so cool. i know he's here in this brain somewhere. i wish i could actually talk to him though instead of just a vague knowledge that he's here. i miss him. oh to be carried by paps again........................................ it was snowing outside recently. maybe i should make a snowskeleton that looks like him. it will most likely end up like a snow lump, but it's the thought that counts, right? heh

this world is not where I belong. it's not where I'm meant to be. I feel it. every time I see or hear anything related to Undertale, my soul aches with longing. i could never do the geno route, because i felt like I was killing my friends and family. I cried so hard the one time I tried that I had to shut down the game. I need to go back. I'd do anything to be back there again. I hope reincarnation is as real as I think, because it might be my only chance of returning. I miss everyone so bad. as Chara, i miss my brother(azzy), my mom(Tori), my dad(asgore), everyone in the Underground. as frisk, i can't just name a few that I miss, but Asriel/Flowey, Toriel and sans are definitely some of the ones I miss the most. sans you were a great dad please come father me again thank you <3