#usermehr

Hindsight is always 20/20, unfortunately, and Marjan tends to learn that the hard way. Realistically she knows better, yet every time she pushes herself too far she finds herself frustrated with her body’s limits. She shouldn’t still hurt like this, she reasons with herself, it shouldn’t be this hard.

She said that but she knew it was the opposite in reality. She already did things doctors told her she would never be capable of doing, and she did them on the daily. That comes with clear risks, of course, but Marjan didn’t worry about them. Not in the moment, anyway, because all she really wanted to do was help people. She was in it for the fulfilment of her childhood dream and the need to help others, though she would also admit the adrenaline rush is pretty great too.

Marjan should be more careful, it's what her parents and friends back home tell her constantly. They’d seen all her videos and the risks are evident but Marjan never listened too hard. She’s Firefox for goodness’ sake, one doesn’t go viral by being careful or by being treated like glass. That's what she told them every time and it's what Owen needs to be reminded every time he expresses his concern. She knew they nag because they’re worried but she’s 25; one would think Marjan could take care of herself by that point.

That’s what she muttered to her captain when he nudged her on their way back to the rig. She was limping, she could feel it in the way her body instinctively favoured her right side. Something wasn’t right and Marjan knew that but she had hoped no one would notice. Usually capitan Strand was too preoccupied with his own thing to really notice, but that wasn’t the case on this day.

“Marwani, you okay?” His voice was lowered, thankfully, and Owen waited until Paul had gone off to help Mateo with the hose before he spoke. They had an agreement that Marjan would keep him updated on her condition so long as he didn’t let the rest of the squad know. Considering the amount of things he kept a secret from his son in the past, she hoped he could apply that to the whole 126 this time around.

“Fine, Cap,” she answered as she went to hoist herself back into the truck, trying to hide her flinch when she leaned too much on her leg.

“Marjan.”

“Just a strain,” she promised, settling down in the seat she usually claimed. A quick glance out the other window told her the others were coming into the rig. Giving Owen a look, Marjan went to fiddle with her seatbelt in an attempt to avoid eye contact, hoping he would take the hint. Marjan didn’t need the concern and she certainly didn’t want the rest of her crew to know anything was wrong. Nothing was wrong, after all; or at least that’s what she told herself.

Even still, she had to admit paying attention to any conversation was extremely difficult. Actually, Marjan was having a hard time focusing in general, her brain feeling like it was stuffed with cotton. All she could think about was the amount of screaming pain her leg was in at that point, the ligaments in her knee being particularly bothered. Any movement sent harsh tugging motions through the connective tissue, making Marjan grit her teeth and hide her flinch as the rig came to a less than gentle stop in the station.

She was the last one out of the truck, pretending to fix her scarf and tugging on her undercap a bit. The boys didn’t bother her or look in her direction whenever she did that, something she was always grateful for. In that situation it gave her some time to have them disappear to shower or change, leaving Marjan mostly alone so she could relax for a moment.

That was the idea, anyway, but it was easier said than done. Even after sitting and trying to relax her muscles for a moment, Marjan could only feel pain. A gentle hand pressing on the back of her knee through her gear felt like she was being hit with a baseball bat, causing her to stifle a pained sound. She had to stand up, though, because her staying in the rig for this long was already a cause for concern.

Holding onto the handle for support, Marjan lowered herself out of the seat, praying she didn’t fall off the step with how unstable she felt. Her head was spinning, an uncomfortably familiar sensation caused by her adamance to push through the pain. Even as she tried to regain her footing, she knew she pushed herself too far this time.

She had declined Paul’s offer to be the one to rappel into that building, insisting it was her turn and hooking her harness to the rigging system before he could argue. She had been fine all day, through the walking and heavy gear and even while carrying a little boy out of a house fire. She miscalculated her stability during the rappel down, though, and a stumble when going to break a second floor window with her boots had her knee buckling. The initial pain was bad but the aftermath made it feel like a pinprick in comparison. She wasn’t sure what she had done but the way she had to grit her teeth with every bend of her knee told Marjan it was way more than just a strain.

“Marjan?” Mateo was behind her all of a sudden, a gentle hand on her elbow when she teetered on her unstable legs. She winced because she wasn’t sure how to avoid the truth but this wasn’t a situation she could hide from them. She was hurt, that was clear, and she couldn’t smile her way out of the concern of her crewmates.

“I’m fine, Probie,” she replied before he could ask, “Knocked up my knee a bit is all.”

“I’ll get Tommy.”

“Mateo, no,” Marjan said quickly before her friend could run off to find the paramedic capitan. She tried to shake her head, meaning to put on a brave face and promise she was just fine, but that was a mistake. The rapid head movement only worsened her vertigo caused by the discomfort, the room spinning and her leg threatening to buckle under her. Mateo must have noticed because he grabbed her again, quick to help support her right side because Marjan was clearly having trouble.