#discrepancy

The drive home was almost impossible, shooting pains going up to her hip and leaving her regretting that she turned down Mateo’s carpool offer that morning. Marjan knew it was risky to drive like this, especially when her gait had been so unsteady after their last call that she nearly tripped over herself stepping out of the shower. Still, she refused to show weakness and she couldn’t stand the questions that would come up if she had asked for a ride home while her car was right outside.

She made it home, though, albeit almost twenty minutes later than she usually was. The steps up to her apartment seemed more like a mountain trek at that point and she found herself gripping the railing tightly out of fear that her knee would give out under her.

Marjan’s frustration rose as she hobbled into her living room, her work bag dropping on the ground heavily as she no longer had the strength to carry it to her room. Her forearm crutches were hidden away in the closet, just in case any of the boys came over, so she would have to head in that direction anyway. All of this made her want to cry, the overwhelming sense that she wasn’t good enough hitting her hard as she sunk down to the floor.

As demeaning as it felt, she had no choice but to half crawl to the side table where she kept painkillers in the little drawer. Marjan fumbled a bit trying to get the cap off, whether it be due to the child lock or her own overwhelming frustration at herself. Dry-swallowing the two ibuprofen hurt but it was all she could do to stop herself from gagging, sinking back against the front of the couch weakly. She should put her brace on and rest in bed, she knew that, but getting up felt too daunting. Being curled up on the floor wasn’t much help in that moment but her knee ached far too much to even think about standing.

“I can’t do this on my own…” she whispered to her empty apartment, though she knew it was pointless. It was an empty comfort to her, the thought that someone would be able to help if they knew. This was Marjan’s life, she chose this path even though she knew how hard and painful it would be. She had long since accepted the constant pain and couldn’t rely on anyone else to help her. They would only coddle her and keep her away from her job if they knew, it was pointless.