I think a lot about those years.
And I know that I am not quite yearning for them,
And I know I am satiated with
What has come to past.
But in some ways I am yearning for them—
I feel as though I have just blinked,
And everything has run past me.
It is the not being able to catch it
That has me running faster.
Kurt Vonnegut said something along the lines of
Everything is happening all at once—
Your past, your present, and your future
Are all mingling together amongst the moment,
But I cannot seem to grasp everything that has happened.
There are ghosts that haunt me,
But the scariest ones are the past versions of myself—
The ones that I cannot quite bring myself to face.
And it always feels like times were simpler
Right back there in the past,
But I know that things were as messy then
As they are now.
But to sit again in my father’s house—
The room above the basement—
Sharpieing quotes on the walls…
That might just be something that I’d make an exchange for.
-k.f.
