#unnumbered

No I'm aromantic I just want the reassurance that you'll never leave me and I'm your favorite person in the world and you care about me and would hold me if I was sick and would care for me if I was catatonic and would still love me if I was unpleasant and would pick me and only me forever even if I don't ever want to have sex or kiss and can never do any labor mental physical or emotional-

Unnumbered #102 The Riddle

My third album title, eventually.

No, okay. It’s a re-arrangement, a literal transliteration of some synonymous meanings of the words of my name.

No, okay. It’s a concept: of an ocean of melancholy. but i am no longer drowning in it, though i used to. The leaves of the waves are beautiful and fading but they are still burning, and there. 

No, okay. It’s a loci: of the space I hold in emotional conversations. When I am sad but I am not sad, because the ocean is sad but I am not the ocean. I am next to the ocean but I am not the ocean. Even if the ocean is my online name it is not my name. Even if it signifies me, it is not me. 

Which means I get to be happy even when I am swimming in the autumn ocean.

No, okay. It doesn’t exist, except where I define it to exist. It has never existed even on Google as a fully defined concept before me, because it is close to my story and I choose it to symbolize and summarize my story but it is not my story. On Google, to other people, it is usually the marriage or adjacence of two concepts - the autumn and the ocean. But the autumn ocean is mine even if other people use the same words.

No, okay. It is an ocean full of autumn, or autumn as an ocean, or a deep autumn with an ecosystem, a deep melancholy with its own ecosystem.

close your eyes can you count to the heartache of me? we are always searching for races and racing.

if i think of nothing my grasp on reality is too tight if i think of climbing my head throbs once it’s digging at the surface of my teeth  and soft palate digging deeper

i mean the people who were ahead of me are so much now so the people who were behind me are so much ahead now so

(fck me i feel like a historian)

have you ever had time rush by you? forever? i mean i took my astrology chart  and i know why but it doesn’t make it hurt any less