#ubomb

In Minhyuk’s hometown, there were several big events throughout the year, but the biggest was the annual week-long fair with a huge carnival filled with rides, games, and delectable fair food along with cook-offs, live music, and a small menagerie of animals for the little ones to ride or pet and feed.

Minhyuk had attended every annual fair since he was a toddler. His mother and father were co-chairs of the planning committee. When he was old enough, he began to volunteer – starting with brushing the animals and feeding them which he had loved to cleaning up after them (not so much love there) and onto more responsibilities as he grew older.

As a senior in high school, his volunteer duties involved signing up acts for the live music stage in addition to running the kissing booth for his high school. The proceeds from all the kisses would go toward new uniforms for the football team and cheerleaders. Minhyuk was mortified by the whole ordeal. He’d attempted to wiggle out of the job, but as student council president, it was his job to aid the school in any way possible.

As he fretted with his hair before leaving the house, he stared at himself in the mirror and wondered who exactly would pay to kiss him? Student council president, vice-president of the astronomy club, and an enthusiastic member of the chess club, he’d never gotten a kiss for free, let alone for a dollar or two – depending on where you wanted the kiss (cheeks or lips.) Why the captain of the football team wasn’t tasked with this job, he’d never know. The girl that would sit opposite him was vice president of student council but also a cheerleader – popular and pretty. Everyone would want to kiss her.

Minhyuk was… Maybe average? If he was lucky. And presently at war with a section of his hair that wished to stand on end rather than lay nicely with the rest of it. He rubbed a little gel into his hands and attempted to flatten the hair once more. It finally gave in and he let out a sigh as he left his room.

His house was eerily quiet as his parents had been at the fairgrounds since six that morning for set-up. It was nearly three in the afternoon, and he was just getting there. School was a month from letting out and he still had plenty of work to do. He’d convinced his parents that he couldn’t possibly devote the entire day to these volunteer activities.

When he showed up at the fairgrounds, he went directly to the volunteer station where his mother was coaching a group of volunteers that would be working with the animals. How Minhyuk wished he could go back to doing that. He’d shovel goat droppings any day over sitting at a kissing booth being humiliated for an entire evening.

“Minhyuk-ah!” His mother called, waving him over after she sent the young volunteers on their way with their “Big Kid Helpers” – the slightly humiliating term given to the teens tasked with minding the little ones in the animal pins.

Minhyuk accepted his mother’s embrace and then took a badge with his name and photo on it from her.

“Will you check in at the music stage before heading off to the kissing booth?” She grinned at him every time she mentioned the booth and, every time, he groaned internally but kept his face neutral.

“Sure, Mom. I’ll make sure things are going smoothly. Where’s Dad?”

“You know, I’m not sure. I’ve lost track of him. I hope he’s not eating another fried Oreo.” She glanced around anxiously as if his father would magically materialize in front of them.

“I’m sure he’s fine. I’m going to head out.”

“You have your cellphone, right?”

When did he ever leave home without his phone? He planned to play video games or read an eBook on his phone the entire time he was not being kissed. “Yeah, Mom. Call if you need anything.”

“Sure, honey! You’re on the booth at four, right?”

“Around there.”

It was five, but he wanted an hour to ride some rides before the lines were too long and stuff fried Oreos in his face while his mom wasn’t looking. He’d packed a tiny toothbrush kit and minty fresh gum for after even though he was sure no one would be getting near enough to his mouth to know.

 As his mother requested, he stopped by the music stage which already had five volunteers surrounding it. Still, because he was an obedient boy who respected his mother, he checked in with all of them to be sure things were running smoothly before he walked off to find the first ride he’d enjoy – the Ferris Wheel.

The Ferris Wheel had been his favorite ride since he was tall enough to ride it. His father would sit with them then and they’d wait, excitedly, hoping that they’d get stuck at the top. Well, Minhyuk would wait excitedly while his father humored him like any great dad.

“We’re gonna get stuck up there forever, Son! We’ll live on top of the world!”

That’s how it felt to Minhyuk, like being on top of the world. He could see the entire fairgrounds, of course, and off into the edge of town. His father swore he could see clear to their house if he looked hard enough. Minhyuk would lean as far forward as possible when he was young, straining to see their house, sure he’d do it one day.

He knew now that their house was much too far to see even from the top of the Ferris Wheel, but he still felt like he was sitting on top of the world.

It was too early for the majority to be riding rides. Most waited for night fall when everything was lit up and exciting. Minhyuk loved riding in the daylight when he could see everything and there were fewer people to crowd him. He was given a little seat all his own and, since the volunteer controlling the Ferris Wheel was a member of his Chess club, he knew he’d be stalled at the top of the wheel for longer than would be necessary even if there were other riders to let on and off.

Sure enough, after their second time around, the wheel stalled, Minhyuk’s seat rocking gently directly in the middle of the giant wheel. He sighed and sat back against the metal seat, staring out over the fairgrounds. He spotted his mother and father on the nearby stage where one of the cook-offs was taking place. He imagined his mother gingerly scolding his father for taking more food than was needed to sample the offerings. He smiled but averted his eyes when he heard a commotion down below on the wheel.

He leaned over the side of his seat to see an arm waving out to the side a few cars down – stalled toward the “front” of the wheel. “Come on! There’s no one here! Let’s move!”

Minhyuk recognized the voice immediately. It belonged to the boy that had once been his best friend. They’d been inseparable when they were babies, toddlers, and up until eighth grade when suddenly Yukwon became “too cool” for him. The girls had started to follow Yukwon around like he was a lost puppy that needed looking after and he didn’t seem to have time for his “nerdy” friend, Minhyuk, anymore.

Now, Yukwon had a reputation for being a “bad boy.” He drove a sports car – always too fast – wore black all the time, had a piercing in both ears and one in his nose. Minhyuk thought that one was fake, but he couldn’t be sure. Yukwon never deigned to come close enough to him to find out. He was also sure that the rumors of tattoos were fake, but again, couldn’t be sure.

A part of him hated the sight of Yukwon – his once very best friend and closest confidante – that had betrayed him, left him alone in favor of popularity and girls. He’d never forgiven him for that and, yet, he knew that if Yukwon ever came back to him, asked to be his friend again, he’d say yes without a moment’s hesitation. He missed him.

Beneath that bad boy façade, Minhyuk was sure that his Yukwon was still there. He missed him so much. Five years had passed and he still wished Yukwon were there with him. When he became obsessed with a new video game, he recalled the years of playing Mario Kart with Yukwon after school and wondered if Yukwon would like the new game.

He was sure Yukwon was too busy driving his ridiculous car or kissing some girl to play video games, but still his mind couldn’t help but wonder.

When the ride moved again, he wanted to slap Yukwon for, not only, ruining his perfect moment at the top of the Ferris Wheel with thoughts of him, but also for berating his poor Chess club friend until he started the ride going again.

Minhyuk motioned for his friend to let him off the ride when he reached the bottom. The small boy a grade lower than Minhyuk – apologized profusely, but Minhyuk kindly waved him off.

As he walked off to find a different ride, he looked back at the wheel, foolishly searching for the shape of his former best friend. Yukwon was somewhere at the top of the ride by then and he couldn’t see him. He imagined for a moment that Yukwon was looking down at him, missing him the way that Minhyuk missed him.

He turned, shaking his head at his ridiculous thoughts. He was certain that Yukwon never wasted a moment of his time on him.

His next stop was a rollercoaster, followed by the tilt-a-whirl, and finally a food stand for a fried Oreo and a corn dog. He wasn’t usually allowed to eat that sort of food. His mom was a lovable health nut. She joked around, but he and his father were given a free pass at the fair.

When he finished his snack, he walked around a while longer, used his tiny toothbrush to freshen up, and then begrudgingly walked toward the kissing booth which was at the front of the fairgrounds at the beginning of a line of carnival games. The High School wanted to catch as many people coming in as they could.

He nodded a hello to Ellie, the cheerleader and his student council vice president, when he slid into the seat beside her. “Gum?” he asked, offering her his small pack of mint gum.

She fished in a little purse she had laid on the table in front of her and revealed a pack of gum. “Already brought my own.” She smiled sheepishly. “I was afraid of how my breath would be,” she admitted.

Minhyuk nodded, popped a piece into his mouth and then shoved the pack into his pocket. They sat awkwardly silent then before Ellie instigated small talk about some end-of-the-year party that Minhyuk hadn’t been invited to. He smiled and nodded mostly, offering the occasional affirmative sound when necessary.

He was glad when their first “customers” approached the booth. One of them was Ellie’s boyfriend, Riley; the other, his little sister who paid to get a kiss on the cheek from Minhyuk.

And that set the tone for the night.

Over the next two hours, several guys from popular to relatively unknown, approached the booth and shelled out two bucks to get a little peck on the lips from Ellie while Minhyuk had the odd toddler or grade school child get a peck on the cheek or forehead because their parent wanted to donate to the school. The children were sweet and Minhyuk had always liked kids despite never having small siblings of his own. Maybe that was the reason he liked them so much. Everyone he knew with siblings didn’t like them.

When the sun went down, the fairgrounds came to life around them. The games amped up, color-changing lights highlighting their signs and the volunteers shouting out encouragements to passersby, drawing them in. From his seat, Minhyuk could see the pulsating lights on the Ferris Wheel. He wished he could be there rather than stuck at the table kissing babies like a politician. Ellie had joked that he got stuck kissing the babies because he was president of the student council. He laughed but didn’t find her joke amusing.

He didn’t find Ellie Chambers amusing, as a rule, and was glad when she announced that she needed a drink. It was closing in on eight o’clock and he wanted to go home. His mother had him slated to sit at the booth until nine. Who cares about a stupid kissing booth that late? They hadn’t seen anyone that wasn’t one of Ellie’s friends running over out of some loyalty to her or the school or whatever in over an hour.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“Water,” he said, producing a few dollars from his pocket.

“That’s okay, Mr. President,” she said, giggling. “I’ll cover it. Don’t kiss too many babies while I’m gone!”

He rolled his eyes at her back and sat back, pulling his phone out of his pocket to check the status of his game. He was awaiting supplies from a neighboring village. Three real-time hours remaining. He closed it out and opened the eBook he had nearly finished it.

He hadn’t even managed to get through a page before he heard a throat clearing above him. When he looked up, he almost dropped his phone.

Yukwon stood above him, smiling (or perhaps smirking) at him. “Two bucks for a kiss on the lips, huh?”

Minhyuk nodded. He couldn’t speak. He was pretty sure those were the first words that Yukwon had said to him in five years.

Yukwon reached back to pull a black leather wallet from the back pocket of his jeans which Minhyuk noted were tight black, ripped skinny jeans. He averted his eyes when he caught himself looking at the curve of Yukwon’s backside when he turned slightly to dislodge the wallet.

He had just begun to realize that he found Yukwon to be attractive to him as more than a friend when Yukwon abandoned him. He still wondered sometimes – mostly late at night when he couldn’t sleep – if Yukwon had sensed that and it was the real reason he left him. He couldn’t imagine that to be true, but it still plagued him, as did the thought that someone might find out that he thought of any man that way.

“Minhyuk.”

Minhyuk jumped, Yukwon’s sharp voice tearing him from his thoughts. “Hmm?”

“Two bucks…” He shook two bills in Minhyuk’s face.

Minhyuk snatched them away, embarrassed and annoyed. His cheeks burned red. “Ellie will be back in a minute. She went to get a drink.”

Yukwon cocked his head to the side and a slow smirk slid onto his face. “I’ve already paid my two dollars.”

“Yeah, I’ll tell her when she gets back.”

“Maybe I don’t have time to wait for my kiss.” Yukwon’s eyes burned into his.

Minhyuk gulped and his cheeks burned hotter. He couldn’t possibly mean.

“Stand up, Min… Unless you want me to bend over for you.”

Minhyuk almost leapt out of his skin. Yukwon was the only one to ever call him Min or Min Min, for one. He hadn’t heard the little nickname in years. The flood of nostalgia it brought on could have knocked him off his feet had he been standing. Not to mention… Surely, that last statement wasn’t meant to sound as sexual as Minhyuk’s overthinking brain took it to be… Right?

“Wouldn’t…” He cleared his throat. “Wouldn’t you rather wait for Ellie?”

“If I wanted to wait for Ellie, I wouldn’t have come over when I saw her leave. Up. I’m not going to bend over for you.” He winked that time and Minhyuk nearly suffered a heart attack.

He stood on shaky legs. He fought to hide his nervousness but was absolutely certain it was on full display for Yukwon who had the nerve to chuckle at him when he bumped the side of the booth coming around to stand by him.

“I’m getting the VIP treatment, huh?”

“What?”

“Don’t you usually stay behind the booth?”

Minhyuk felt his cheeks blush again. He did stay behind the booth. Why had he come around for Yukwon? Because he wanted to be closer to him and Yukwon must know that now. “Sometimes,” he lied.

Yukwon smirked. Had he always had that smirk? It seemed like a he had a trademark on it now. Minhyuk wasn’t sure he liked it. “Alright, now… I better get my money’s worth, Min.”

He took a step closer to him and Minhyuk’s mind was at war with his body. His mind screamed, “RETREAT” while his body inched closer to Yukwon. He hadn’t been this close to him since the last time he saw him – standing on Yukwon’s front step while the latter told him he didn’t think they could hang out anymore. “We’re just different now, Min Min. You’re so…” He had shrugged casually while Minhyuk’s heart broke. “We’re just too different now.”

He’d walked home in tears, something he’d always wanted to tell Yukwon just to see if he’d apologize, if he’d feel any regret.

He couldn’t tell him now not when he was about to kiss Yukwon. Kiss Yukwon. He never thought he’d do that, though he thought about it often. He’d seen plenty of dramas where the most unlikely of couples got together in the end. He still saw his as a million in one shot. He was more likely to be struck by lightning.

“Do you always make your kiss recipients wait in such suspense?” Yukwon’s lighthearted laughter was familiar and tugged at his heart.

“Yukwon, I…”

Yukwon silenced him when he took hold of his wrist and tugged him closer to him. “You always did overthink everything,” he muttered just before his lips pressed to Minhyuk’s.

Minhyuk tried to ignore the jab and let himself process that he was kissing Yukwon! After five years, they had reunited and now they were kissing! Was this kissing booth thing just a pretense, an excuse for Yukwon to confess that he’d had some feelings for him all the time?! Had his own feelings scared him away from Minhyuk? After all these years, he might have the answers and the resolution that he had craved. He might have his Yukwon back.

He brought his hand up to rest on Yukwon’s chest, pressing just a little closer to kiss him back.

Then came a bright flash of light.

Was he actually being struck by lightning?

Then came the snickering and the hooting.

Not struck by lightning – photographed.

He pulled away from Yukwon, jerking his head to the left. Yukwon’s gaggle of new friends stood in a huddle, cackling and snapping photos of him with their phones.

“Told ya he was gay for ya, Kim!” A boy Minhyuk only vaguely recognized, shouted out to Yukwon, laughing like he’d just cracked the world’s funniest joke. “You were all into it, weren’t you, homo? You probably volunteered for this just hoping to kiss a bunch of dudes.”

The rest of the guys threw out jabs filled with homophobic slurs. Minhyuk was frozen to the spot at first but snapped out of it when Ellie returned to the booth. “What is going on?”

It was then that Minhyuk realized one of the guys in the brood was her boyfriend. He didn’t usually hang with Yukwon’s crowd, but he must have made an exception for this spectacle.

“Babe, you’ve been sharing a booth with a homo this whole time. He just attacked Yukwon.”

Minhyuk’s eyes widened. He turned to Yukwon, thinking surely he’d argue with this. Surely, he wouldn’t let them say that. Yukwon wouldn’t meet his eye. He said nothing. His face was unreadable. Minhyuk wanted to scream at him or hit him. But his body wanted to cry and run.

“I’m quitting for the night,” he said to a startled Ellie.

Tears filled his eyes as he hurried away, listening to the homophobic shouts behind him. His tears gushed harder the further he got from them. How could he have been so stupid to have trusted Yukwon again? He’d been such a fool to think that Yukwon would come back to him after all these years and not only want to be his friend but want to kiss him.

He cursed at himself as he searched the lot for his car. This would be the second time in his life that he made the journey home in tears because of Yukwon.

 He sent a text to his mother when he arrived home. It wasn’t the whole truth, by a long shot, but it was close enough that he didn’t feel like he was lying to her, something he had never done.

I went home a little early. Not feeling well. Don’t worry about me! Have fun!

She replied quickly, as always: Feel better, sweetie! Your father and I will be out late. Call if you need anything. There’s ginger ale in the refrigerator if you’ve eaten too much fair food.

Despite everything, he smiled at her message. He knew she was genuinely concerned for him, but the fact that she couldn’t resist throwing in the fair food jab almost made him want to laugh. Almost.

He left his phone on the table in the foyer and went up to his room to have a long, hot shower. He wanted to wash away the shame he felt. He could still feel Yukwon’s lips on his. He’d felt like he was in heaven for those brief seconds before everything went to hell. The taunts rang out in his ears.

People always said things like, “It’s not that bad. I mean, it’s 2018. Come on. No one is that small-minded.”

Funny how they were always straight people who never had to justify their heterosexuality to anyone, never had to “come out” and say that they were attracted to the opposite sex. The idea of coming out at all felt like an offense to Minhyuk. Why should he have to make a spectacle of his choice to love a man?

He had hoped a shower would make him feel better, but his mind just ran and ran, overthinking everything. He left the shower feeling angrier than when he went in.

He’d just put on his pajamas and decided to stuff himself with junk food from the stash he kept hidden and watch Netflix as a second shot at calming his anger when he heard a loud knock at the door.

He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. It wasn’t quite nine, but he still wondered who could possibly be at the door. If his mother had come to check on him, she’d have used her key. His father, maybe. He’d be more apt to leave his keys behind. But the house key and the key to his car – that he’d definitely need to get home – were on the same ring.

He slipped into a pair of house slippers and made his way cautiously to the front door. Knowing his luck, it would be a serial killer. Humiliated and murdered all in one night. Sounded like his luck.

Another knock came – louder and more insistent.

Did serial killers knock? They made phone calls, he knew that from his horror movie viewing history. But he didn’t think they knocked at the door…

When he looked through the peephole, his hands clenched into fists. A serial killer would be preferable, he thought, in a fit of great maturity.

He jerked open the door and used one of his fists to punch Yukwon in the face.

The first punch he’d ever thrown in his life.

And it was terrible.

He had aimed for his nose, imagining how it would crack under his knuckles, permanently marring his beautiful, stupid face. But he’d hit him somewhere lower(?) and to the left(?), colliding awkwardly with his cheek, lip, and teeth.

Yukwon stared at him wide-eyed. “What… the hell was that? Did you just punch me?” He brought his hand up to brush at his mouth. The punch had been so weak that it didn’t really hurt, just a light sting. He was startled though. He never imagined Minhyuk would have the guts to raise a hand to him.

“Yes,” he said hesitantly because, honestly, what the hell was that? He really needed to work on punching things. He considered trying again, but demanded instead, “What are you doing here, Yukwon? Are your friends out there to take pictures of me again? Just… get off my doorstep.” He slammed the door in his face.

Get off my doorstep? What am I – a ninety-year-old man yelling at a door-to-door salesman?

How did he get so pathetic?

“Minhyuk! Open the door! There’s no one here, but me! I want to talk to you!”

Minhyuk wanted to swear at him, but he didn’t really swear. It just wasn’t his thing. Instead he threw out a bunch of intelligent insults, using words that he was certain Yukwon wouldn’t even know.

Silence.

And then, “Did you just swear at me in Middle English?”

“Early modern English, actually,” he answered though he was unsure why he bothered.

He thought he heard Yukwon snort. “You’re such a dork. Can you please open the door?”

He felt anger rising in him again, his heart pounding. How dare Yukwon even come here after what he did? He jerked the door open again and raised his fist to hit Yukwon a second time.

“Don’t!” Yukwon jumped backward. “Come on, don’t. You can’t even throw a punch, Min. Just… don’t. Can we just talk?”

“Why would I want to talk to you, Yukwon?! You dump me because I’m not cool enough for you and then five years later, you finally talk to me, kiss me, and humiliate me. Why would you do that? Did you need to do that? It’s been five years and I’ve never done anything to you. I’ve never even spoken to you. You had to come up and get your friends to take photos of me kissing you and call me all of those awful names? I’m sure they’re putting those photos all over Twitter and Snapchat and they’ll probably print them and hang them up at school.”

Yukwon was shaking his head before Minhyuk even finished his sentence. “They won’t do that. I made them delete the photos. I didn’t know they were going to do that, alright?”

“Liar. I don’t believe a word you say, Yukwon. I don’t trust you!”

“I know you don’t and I know that I haven’t given you a reason to. What I did to you when we were younger was stupid and mean. I was stupid and mean.”

“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.” Minhyuk was really showing his maturity tonight.

“Look, Min, I need you to believe that I didn’t know they were going to do that. I didn’t think they were even around. I left them at the Tilt-a-Whirl and came to find you. I got lucky when I saw Ellie getting up to leave.”

“You expect me to believe you? You expect me to believe that you didn’t have her boyfriend call her away or something, so you could come and humiliate me.”

“She didn’t even show up until after they were there, and she looked confused, Minhyuk. How does your theory even work?”

Minhyuk hadn’t thought about it before he blurted out the words. They made zero sense. Her boyfriend wasn’t even a regular in Yukwon’s crowd.

“I don’t even know why Riley was hanging out with us tonight. Steve, I think.” He rolled his eyes.” Look, Min… I’m sorry, okay? I never meant for that to happen, honestly. I just…”

“Just, what? How am I supposed to believe that you just wanted to come over to, what? Talk to me? Kiss me? That’s the most ridiculous load of crap. You wanted to pay to kiss me at the kissing booth?”

“So, what if I freaking did, Minhyuk? Would that be so horrible?” He stamped his foot on the porch. “Can I come in? It’s getting chilly out here.”

The April air had turned colder the longer the sun was down and Yukwon wore nothing, but a thin t-shirt and his skinny jeans with large rips. Minhyuk noticed how his muscular thighs showed through the rips.

“Whatever, fine.” Minhyuk walked away from the door leaving Yukwon to enter and close the door behind him.

He walked to the opposite side of the room and stood broodily in the doorway that led off to the kitchen. His mind was spinning with ‘So what if I freaking did, Minhyuk?’ He didn’t want to believe a word he said. The more distance he put between them, the easier it would be to do that.

Yukwon seemed to forget why he had come as soon as the door was shut behind him and there was no longer a real barrier between them. He ran his hands through his hair which he’d bleached blond during Christmas break. It was fading, his black roots growing larger with each day. Minhyuk thought it looked sexy, but he’d sooner tear every hair from Yukwon’s head than tell him that.

“Min, look…”

“Please stop calling me that,” Minhyuk snapped.

Yukwon looked at him, bewildered. “What?”

“Stop calling me ‘Min.’ We’re not friends anymore. You can call me Minhyuk or nothing at all.”

Yukwon stared at him for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve said that quite a few times now. I still don’t believe it, so you can save your breath.” Minhyuk’s voice was even belying the anxiety coursing through his body. His heart hammered against his rib cage and he felt slightly lightheaded. He never thought he’d be able to muster the courage to stand up to Yukwon. He was terrified, but he wouldn’t back down. Not after this humiliation.

“Minhyuk, shit, please!” Yukwon stomped his foot again, like a petulant child. Minhyuk recalled that he’d never been good at not getting his way.

“How dare you say that to me, Yukwon?! You ended our forever friendship over some jerks that you thought were cool and some stupid girls who thought you were hot! You dumped me at the start of eighth grade when everything was changing and scary. You just abandoned me to go be cool with some freaking jerks! And now you expect me to just hang on your every word and forgive you everything, believe the disgusting lies that come out of your mouth! I don’t believe for one minute that you didn’t set me up tonight, that you didn’t get your jerk friends to take pictures of me, so you could – at best – laugh at how much of a stupid ‘homo’ I am and – at worst – spread them everywhere to ruin my life! What is wrong with you? You used to be so… different. Better. You used to seem like an actual human being. You’re disgusting to me now.”

“Do you feel better now, Minhyuk? Huh? Does it feel better to say that to me? How long have you wanted to say that to me?”

Yukwon expected Minhyuk to shout back at him, but the latter just sighed and shook his head. “No, Yukwon, it doesn’t make me feel better to say that to you. It would make me feel better if I didn’t have to say that to you. You think I want to hate you? You think I want to think that you’re a disgusting thing that somehow took over my best friend? I don’t. I want to go back to seventh grade when everything was right and you still cared about me.”

“I didn’t stop caring, okay? It just…”

“Don’t tell me a bunch of bull… crap, Yukwon! I don’t want to hear it!”

“It’s not bull crap, if you just let me finish!”

“Hurry up, so you can go. I don’t want to look at you.”

Yukwon jerked like he’d been slapped. He deserved that, but it was hard to hear. “I deserve that. Just… I was stupid, okay? I ran away from you, because shit got weird.”

“Screw you. You left me, because I was a nerd and you wanted cool friends.”

“Screw you, Minhyuk! You don’t know what I wanted!”

“You told me! You said we’re just too different and you shut the door in my face and I walked all the way home in tears, Yukwon!”

“Yeah, I said we were different! I never said you weren’t cool enough! You made that leap on your own.”

“Oh, well how we were so different then? Any differences we had didn’t seem to bother you before that!”

“We were different in that I was growing up, becoming a teen, I guess. My hormones were going mad and I couldn’t stand to be around you. You were always so calm and cool and you just read books and played video games like when we were kids.”

“Oh, and that’s so wrong, is it? You know there’s nothing different from what you said and I what I thought. You were growing up and becoming so cool and I was still just some loser kid. Right?”

“Wrong.”

“I don’t believe you!”

“I know, but I’m telling you the truth! And maybe you’d believe if you just shut the hell up for a second and let me actually tell you all of the truth instead of just pieces of it for you to freak out over.”

“Well, I told you to hurry up!”

Yukwon crossed the room until he had closed half of the distance between him and Minhyuk. “It will go a lot faster if you stop interrupting!”

Minhyuk sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Get it over with then. I won’t interrupt.”

Yukwon walked a little further until he was in front of the bookshelf where Minhyuk’s mother kept her collection of classics amongst several family photos and cute trinkets. He stared at photos of young Minhyuk, recalling the days they spent together as kids. He had spent years feeling like a complete idiot, but it was worse now. He was overwhelmed with regret. “I remember this year,” he said, pointing at a photo of Minhyuk, age seven, with a fat orange cat on his lap. The photo was taken a week before the cat ran away. Yukwon was allowed to stay the night with Minhyuk on a school night that night to comfort him.

Minhyuk gritted his teeth. He didn’t understand what this had to do with Yukwon’s big truth, but he didn’t dare interrupt when he swore that he wouldn’t.

“Carrot was such a good cat. I still miss her sometimes.”

Minhyuk wanted to punch him in the throat. “Tell your truth or get out.”

Yukwon hung his head. “Sorry… Eighth grade was a weird year for me. Like I said, I was changing and you were staying the same which wasn’t a bad thing. I wanted to stay the same too. I wanted everything to stay the same, for us to be friends forever and just play video games, go swimming in the lake during the summer, stay up all night on weekends talking about silly stuff and making jokes. But I started to feel weird when I was around you. I started to feel like my older cousin always said he felt about the girl who lived next door. They were friends with they were little kids and then one day, the realized that they wanted to kiss each other. I found myself wanting to kiss you and hold your hand in more than just way that you held it as we ran around. I didn’t know what to do with those feelings. I didn’t know anyone that felt that way. My parents don’t support the lifestyle. I had no idea what to do and I was sure that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me if you found out. You wanted a friend to play games with, not some freak that wanted to kiss you. I thought I was doing us both a favor by leaving. I realize now that I was stupid, that I should have trusted you enough to talk to you. But I was terrified. I wanted to dump you before you had the chance to dump me after probably humiliating me.”

Minhyuk’s heart felt like it was in a clamp. He wanted so badly to believe him. What if he was lying? He couldn’t take the humiliation and pain of believing another lie.

“I know how stupid I was, Minhyuk, and I’m so sorry. You have to believe me when I tell you that I’ve never regretted anything more than I regret what I did to you.”

“Okay… I have to believe you, but you don’t really give me any good reasons to. How am I supposed to believe that you were so filled with regret when you had five years to tell me that and you didn’t. Five years, Yukwon. Why would you wait this long?”

“Well, I knew that you hated me, and I didn’t know how to talk to you at all, let alone try to apologize.”

“If you had come to me the day after, I would have forgiven you everything!”

“I couldn’t! I was ashamed of the way I felt. I thought I was a disgusting piece of shit that ruined our friendship with my gross feelings. I couldn’t come to you then and the more time passed, the more impossible it seemed.”

“So, what changed? Why bother now?” Minhyuk felt fear twisting in his stomach. Had Yukwon somehow discovered his sexuality? He had gone to great lengths to hide the fact that he was attracted to men. He never dated men, but his being a nerd covered that. No girl wanted to date him anyway.

“I’m tired, Minhyuk. I’m tired of being so fake all the time. I’m sick of pretending to be this cool badass idiot that doesn’t care a damn for anything. I’m tired of spending time with people that believe I’m really that person. I’m tired of this damn thing.” He reached up and pulled the fake nose ring out, dropping into the little waste bin by the wall.

Minhyuk gasped quietly. I knew it, he thought but said instead, “I don’t think I can believe you.”

“It’s all true, Minhyuk. Also… The biggest reason that I had to make some kind of move now… We only have a month left before we graduate. You’re so smart, always have been. I knew that you’d probably go to some huge university far from here and… And I might never see you again. I had to say something before we went our separate ways and never saw each other again.”

“So, you wanted to accomplish what, exactly, by telling me all this.”

“I want us to be friends again. I… I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to you. I’m so sorry for the way that I made you feel. I never stopped loving you, Minhyuk. I still consider you the best and only real friend I ever had. Do you hate me?”

Minhyuk withered when Yukwon met his eyes. His mind didn’t want to believe him, but his heart was giving in. It wanted to believe every word, believe that Yukwon would never hurt him again. He stepped closer to him. He wanted to hug him, to feel Yukwon’s arms around him. He wanted to beg him to kiss him, deeper than at the kissing booth, deeper than he’d even let himself imagine countless times.

“I love you.” The words rushed out of him. He’d intended to say, “I don’t hate you.”

Yukwon bit his lip when it started to quiver. He wasn’t about to have an emotional breakdown in front of Minhyuk. “Do you want to be my friend again? Two months and we’ll be away from high school. All that shit can be behind us. I’ll do whatever you need me to do to make up for being such an asshole to you, I swear it, Minhyuk.”

“Kiss me.” A rush of words again, seemingly flowing against his will.

Yukwon started, shaking his head a little, and pulling his head back. “What?”

“I want you to kiss me again.” Minhyuk’s entire body trembled with anxiety as he stumbled toward Yukwon. “I want you to kiss me right now, not like the kissing booth. Kiss me like you mean it.”

Yukwon’s eyes went comically wide. “You – you want that?” he sputtered. “You actually want me to kiss you?”

A moment later, Minhyuk was so close to him that Yukwon could feel his warm breath on his face. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since we snuck that dirty movie your cousin had and watched it together.”

The look on Yukwon’s face might have made Minhyuk laugh if he wasn’t so focused on kissing him. “You, wait…” Yukwon pushed him back a little, breaking the tension between them slightly. “Wait, you mean that you wanted to kiss me back then, too? You’re actually… gay?”

Minhyuk’s entire face, neck, and ears tinted pink. “Yes… I thought… You knew. Your friends called me a homo.”

Yukwon rolled his eyes. “Those assholes call each other ‘homo’ for spending too much time with their girlfriends instead of doing ‘manly’ things like racing cars and being massive tools.”

“You know that you’re one of the biggest tools at our school, right?”

Yukwon looked away, fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. “Not really. I just fake all that crap, so they won’t find out that I’m really a… homo, or whatever.”

Minhyuk let out a loud sigh. He felt like the world was spinning. So many feelings coursed through him. He still desperately wanted Yukwon to kiss the hell out of him, but he also, sort of, still wanted to punch him. But, also, was his real Yukwon really back? Or was this another set-up? Was there a camera somewhere to catch him in an even more vulnerable state? Why was he thinking of being in such a state with Yukwon right now?

“You’re not messing with me, right? You’re not going to pull out some camera that’s been recording all of this? You’re not going to tell me that I’m some pathetic homo that’s been pining for you all these years, right?”

“I don’t have anything, Min… Hyuk. I don’t have a camera and there’s no one waiting to jump out. I swear to you. You can search every inch of me.

Yukwon grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and started to lift it.

Minhyuk wildly grabbed for his hand. “Don’t!”

“You want to make sure I don’t have a camera, right? You don’t trust me and for good reason. I’m a piece of shit! I’ll show you!” Yukwon stepped backward and pulled his shirt over his head. “Nothing!”

Minhyuk stared at his exposed torso. He couldn’t help it. He had never seen Yukwon this way before. When they were thirteen, Yukwon’ had looked nothing like this. He’d been scrawny and pale. Eighteen-year-old Yukwon was tanned – bronze and glowing – his torso all planes of lean muscle, a slightly defined six-pack. Minhyuk gulped as he took in the V of muscle disappearing into the waistband of his skinny jeans.

Yukwon turned “Nothing on the back either.”

“Wait…” Minhyuk had noticed something as Yukwon spun, a flash of color on his lower side.

“What? Did you see the wire? Oh, no. Min, come on. I don’t have a camera, I swear. I’m so sorry, but…”

“You really have a tattoo?”

“Huh?” Yukwon jumped and spun around again, scrambling to put his shirt back on. “No.”

“Liar! I saw it! There’s something on your side! I thought that was just a lie! Some crap to feed your bad boy image.”

Yukwon snorted as he tugged his t-shirt back down. “Well, it would hardly work for that.”

“I thought you didn’t have one. You lie like it’s your job.”

That stung, but Yukwon tried not to show it.

Minhyuk apologized quickly. “Sorry… I shouldn’t have said that. It was mean. I just need some time to forgive you, I guess. Can I see your tattoo?”

“No.”

“Why? Come on. I’ve never known anyone in real life with a tattoo.”

Yukwon snorted again. “You should see Taeil now.”

Taeil was Yukwon’s older cousin – three years older than them. He’d always been nice to Yukwon and Minhyuk, though, treated them like equals and friends. He’d bring them candy and always rented movies or video games for them. He’d been a little steamed when he discovered Yukwon had swiped his filthy movie, but even then he’d been cool about it. Minhyuk would never have imagined him as the type to have a tattoo, though. He was small for his age, had glasses too big for his face, and had been more interested in science and math than something like a tattoo.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s covered in tattoos.” Yukwon laughed and pulled his phone from his back pocket. He swiped through his photos until he found one from the previous summer when he and Taeil had gone to the lake for a week together. They spent nearly every waking hour swimming. “Take a look.”

Minhyuk took his phone and his jaw dropped. The guy in the photo was obviously Taeil – still short and still wearing huge glasses too big for his face, but they suited him now. He had shocking blond hair, cut close to his scalp. His skin was absolutely covered in tattoos. Arms, legs, neck, chest, hands. “He has tattoos everywhere!”

Yukwon laughed heartily. “I know, right? He went to university, quit after a semester, and became a tattoo artist. He did some of them himself, but most of them were done by his boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” Minhyuk’s eyes shot up from the phone to Yukwon.

Yukwon walked to him and swiped over on the phone. There was another photo of Taeil at the lake, but there was a massive, tall guy behind him. He had a huge grin on his face as he leaned over to wrap his long arms around Taeil’s neck. “He’s tall.”

Yukwon laughed again. “Yeah, he really is. He’s a good guy, though. He and Taeil have been together for about three years, I think. They met in that one semester Taeil did.”

“Wow. I didn’t know Taeil was… Well, is he gay?”

“He’s gay.” Yukwon took his phone with Minhyuk offered it to him. “He told me that he thought he was bi when we were younger, but then he realized that he really just liked guys.”

“Does he know that you’re…?”

“He’s the only one besides you that knows. Well, Jihoon knows too.”

“Who’s Jihoon?”

“His tall boyfriend.”

“Oh, right.” Minhyuk looked away for a moment. “So… You’ve never had a boyfriend?”

He shook his head. “Nah. Who am I gonna date around here? If there are any gay guys at our school, they’re certainly not advertising it. I went to a party at Jihoon’s university last year and made out with a kid that was there touring the campus, but that’s about it.”

Minhyuk had never even kissed anyone, aside from Yukwon at the kissing booth, and Yukwon was off going to college parties making out with random guys. No wonder Yukwon had thought they were so different back when he dumped him.

“You disapprove?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re scowling at me like you think I’m gross for making out with some guy at a party.”

“Oh, no, sorry. I was just thinking how you were right to say we were different back then. I understand why you wouldn’t want a friend like me. You’re the type that gets tattoos and goes to college parties to make out with random guys while I like to stay at home with a video game and a book and have never even kissed anyone aside from you at a kissing booth.”

Yukwon was filled with a weird feeling of relief. For some reason, he liked knowing that he’d been Minhyuk’s first kiss. “You’re wrong. I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. It wasn’t like that, Min. Sorry, Minhyuk.”

He shook his head. “You can call me Min, I guess.”

A small smile flashed across Yukwon’s face quickly before he returned to a serious look. “I was afraid of my own feelings, Min. Honestly, that’s it. I was afraid of the want that I had to kiss you all the time. I thought it was my only option and I couldn’t go back. I’m not lying when I tell you that. I told you that earlier and I meant it.” He shoved his phone back into his pocket and walked toward Minhyuk. “I will do anything to make it up to you, okay? I’ll do anything I can to get you to trust me again. I just want you back. I miss you.”

Minhyuk stared at him and then at the floor. “I miss you too,” he admitted finally, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve been missing you for years.” He looked up again. “It was so hard to see you all this time, wanting to be your friend, thinking about what it might be like to kiss you, all while hating you so much for what you put me through. Hating you but not really hating you at all. I… have thought about this so many time. By this, I mean, you coming back and being my Yukwon again, the Yukwon I remember and not the jerk with the nose ring.”

Yukwon laughed. “It was fake… It’s in the trash.”

“Excuse me… The jerk with the tattoo that he won’t let me see.”

“If I let you see, will it earn me some points toward trusting me again?”

“Half a point.”

“Can I have a full point if I tell you what the tattoo means?”

“Maybe if it’s a good story.”

“Come on, Min. I’ve never told anyone what it means, not even Jihoon when he did it.”

“Jihoon did it? Not Taeil?”

“Taeil refused to do it. He didn’t want me to hate him if he messed it up.” Yukwon started to take his shirt off again.

“I’m pretty sure that I can see it if you keep your shirt on.”

“Oh… Right.” Yukwon blushed a little and held his shirt up. “It’s really low on my side. You won’t be able to see the bottom of it unless I pull my pants down a little bit. I’m assuming you don’t want that to happen.”

Minhyuk nibbled at his lip. “I’ll see what I can see.” Minhyuk inched closer to him and leaned over to look at the tattoo. He couldn’t see it clearly, so he sank to his knees.

Yukwon stared down at him. His stomach did a little flip at seeing him like that, on his knees so close to…

“Mario and Luigi.”

Yukwon jumped at being pulled out his thoughts. “Hmm?”

“Mario and Luigi…” Minhyuk flicked his eyes up to Yukwon. “You and me?”

When the were little, Minhyuk’s mother had compared the two of them to Mario and Luigi. They were close like brothers and always going on adventures – whether real or in their favorite video game – with each other. The boys ran with that comparison. Minhyuk got to be Mario because his name started with M and he was two months older than Yukwon like Mario was older than Luigi.

“Do I still get a full point if you guess the story behind it?”

“You got a tattoo of Mario and Luigi for you and me?”

“As soon as I turned eighteen this year.”

Minhyuk brushed his fingertips over the video game characters. Yukwon wiggled and squealed. “That tickles, Min!”

Minhyuk grinned. “You’re still ticklish?”

“That doesn’t just go away.” Yukwon wiggled and hopped away when Minhyuk purposefully tickled his side.

Minhyuk giggled softly. “I want to see the rest of it.”

“What?”

“I want to see the bottom of the tattoo.”

Yukwon hesitated for a moment before he walked back over. He removed his phone and placed it on the sofa table next to him. He undid his pants and rolled down the waistband a bit, so Minhyuk could see the rest of the tattoo. There were three life hearts under each character. Mario’s hearts were all red – three full lives. Luigi’s hearts were empty.

Minhyuk flicked his eyes up at Yukwon. “Why doesn’t Luigi have any lives?”

Yukwon hitched up his pants and buttoned them back. He couldn’t look at Minhyuk when he spoke. He busied himself picking up his phone and shoving it into his pocket.  “I thought I was being clever, I guess. I didn’t feel like I had a life without you, so Luigi didn’t have any.”

Minhyuk stared at Yukwon’s back from his place still on his knees. He stood up a moment later and placed a hand on his back. Yukwon spun around and wrapped his arms around his back. “I’m telling you the truth, Min. I missed you so much! Please believe me.”

His hand tightened into a first around a section of Yukwon’s shirt when Minhyuk rested his head on his shoulder. “I want to. I’m trying.”

Yukwon held him tightly. They hugged silently for several minutes before Yukwon whispered in his ear. “Do you still want me to kiss you?”

Minhyuk nodded, pulling back just enough to get his mouth in line with Yukwon’s. “I want you to kiss me.”

Yukwon pulled him close and their lips collided. Minhyuk was a surprisingly good kisser for not having ever kissed anyone. His lips were soft but insistent. His eagerness revved up Yukwon’s own and he kissed him harder, pushing him back, guiding him until his back hit the wall behind him.

Minhyuk whimpered when Yukwon pressed him against the wall. Their kiss grew sloppy and feverish, desperate. Yukwon just wanted more and more of him. He broke away from Minhyuk’s mouth finally, ignoring the whine of discontent from Minhyuk. He kissed his way to his neck where his mouth latched onto his pulse point and he kissed him there, sucking gently at his neck.

Minhyuk squirmed beneath him, mewling softly. He’d never felt anything like this before. He’d fantasized about this very thing, though. Yukwon holding him against a wall, a door, maybe, ravishing him. A heady feeling took over as he realized that his fantasy had become a reality but also wondered if he was imagining the whole thing.

He put his palms on Yukwon’s shoulders and pushed him backward.

“Sorry, sorry…” Yukwon was quick to apologize and back away even further.

Minhyuk struggled to catch his breath, to tell him it was okay. Yukwon had started to pace around the little sitting room and foyer.

“Shit. I’m sorry, Min. I didn’t… I got carried away.”

“Don’t. I didn’t… I needed a breath. I was overwhelmed.”

“I’m sorry.”

Minhyuk went to him, grabbing his face. “Is this real, Yukwon?”

“Is what real?”

“This… Everything. You being here, the kissing, the promises. Is it real?”

“Yes, I swear. I want to be here. I want us to be friends again. I want us to be more than friends. I want to kiss you. I want to… I want you.”

Minhyuk brought his face to his, smashing their mouths together for another frenzied kiss. Moments later, he was being shoved against another wall.

Eventually, they made it down the hall to Minhyuk’s room where their shirts were thrown to the floor just inside the door before Minhyuk was shoved against said door, forcing it closed.

“Shit, you’re so beautiful, Min,” Yukwon muttered as he covered every inch of Minhyuk’s chest with kisses, flicking his tongue over the most sensitive areas, raking his teeth over a nipple just to see Minhyuk’s reaction. The arch of his back, the low groan… Minhyuk knew how to put on a show and Yukwon couldn’t get enough of it. He wanted to map his entire body with his mouth. It gave him a rush knowing he was the first to see Minhyuk like this, to kiss him, to make him moan and whimper.

Minhyuk couldn’t string together a coherent thought. His mind was a hazy mess of want and need. He wanted Yukwon’s mouth all over his body. He needed his touch, craved this closeness.

When Yukwon reached the waistband of Minhyuk’s jeans, he looked up to Minhyuk for permission. He was on his knees in front of Minhyuk and the image made the latter feel weak.

“Can I go further?” Minhyuk asked. “Can I take your pants off?”

A tiny voice in the back of Minhyuk’s mind warned him that this might all go wrong. He shouldn’t go this far. His heart and his body took over. He didn’t care what consequences there might be, what might possibly go wrong. This felt so right. He nodded quickly and watched as Yukwon’s head moved forward. He pressed a gentle kiss to Minhyuk’s stomach as he popped the button on his jeans. He continued to kiss him as he unzipped the jeans and pulled them slowly, gently off his hips.

The tell-tale tent in Minhyuk’s boxers made Yukwon’s stomach flip. He wanted to touch him so badly. He could. His hands were only halfway down Minhyuk’s thighs. He could reach up and take him in his hand, caress him.

He stood and pulled Minhyuk’s pants back up to his waist, zipped them, buttoned them.

“Yukwon, what… What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

Yukwon held his face gently and pressed a kiss to his lips. “No, Min. I did something wrong.”

Minhyuk’s heart felt like it dropped to the floor. He felt the familiar squeezing ache of a panic attack in his chest. What had Yukwon done? He’d known better. He never should have… He struggled to take in a deep breath, his eyes falling closed. His therapist had taught him deep breathing as a technique to fight off his panic attacks. He struggled this time.

“Min, are you alright? Min.” Yukwon gave him a little shake.

He forced his eyes open. “Just leave,” he choked out.

Yukwon’s eyes widened. “Min, no. Why? I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to push it. I didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you. I did you so wrong in the past. I don’t deserve to have this with you yet. I want you, but I need to earn your forgiveness first. I need to earn you.”

“Wrong in the past…” The pain in Minhyuk’s chest lessened. He had been so afraid when Yukwon said he’d done something wrong. He feared that he was admitting to having a camera or telling his friends or something awful. He was speaking of the past, just the past. “I misunderstood.”

Yukwon kissed him gently on the cheek. “I’m so sorry. Min, you’re so beautiful and I want you to trust me and love me before we do anything like this. This will be a first for both of us and I want it to be good. I want us to be on good terms when we do it. Please trust me.”

“I try. I will try. I want to trust you. I want to believe you and love you. I want you.”

Yukwon took hold of his hand, threading their fingers together. “I just want to be back in your life. I want whatever you’ll let me have. And I don’t want to lose you when we graduate. I don’t want to lose you again.”

Minhyuk leaned forward, resting his forehead on Yukwon’s. “Don’t leave me then.”

Yukwon closed his eyes. “I won’t. I won’t leave you again.”

 Two hours later, the two of them were curled up on the couch in the Lee’s family room. “Yukwon… I know that I said I didn’t want you to leave me, but I think you should probably leave. If my parents come home and find you here, it probably wouldn’t be good.”

“They hate me, don’t they?”

“You know my parents. They could never hate you. You were like a second son to them. But they just… They were hurt when you disappeared too, you know? They lost a second child when you stopped coming around, or whatever.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t want to have to explain everything to them after we’ve been making out all night. I’d rather explain to them when my head is clear and maybe after we’ve been hanging out for a while.”

“When you’re sure that I won’t go anywhere?”

“I trust you. I’m trusting you not to do that again. Not to hurt me.” Minhyuk turned to face him, pulling his legs up to sit cross-legged on the couch. Yukwon mirrored him. “You understand what that means, right? I’m giving you one chance, Yukwon. If you betray me, we’re done forever. I’ll never forgive you if you hurt me again. If you betray my trust, it’s over. I’ll never speak to you again.”

“I won’t. I won’t do that to you. Let’s start out by restoring our friendship, okay? Let’s hang out again. We’ll start tomorrow at school. Okay? Everyone will see that we’re friends. I’m going to be late to school. I have a doctor appointment in the morning.”

“Are you okay?” Minhyuk interjected.

“Yeah, it’s just a therapy thing.”

‘Therapy?”

“Mental therapy. I take pills sometimes to help with stuff.” He shrugged his shoulders.

Minhyuk wound his fingers into the hair at the back of Yukwon’s head and caressed it gently. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I’m fine. I just have to go in once in a while to talk about things and see if I still need the pills or whatever. I’m okay. I’ll find you at lunch tomorrow, okay? I’ll sit with you.”

‘Seriously? What about your friends?”

“My friends? Firstly, they were never really friends to begin with and do you honestly think I would still hang out with them after what they did to you tonight? I would never, Minhyuk. I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch.” He leaned in for one last quick kiss before he stood up to leave.

 Minhyuk went to school the following morning with an anxious ache in the pit of his stomach. If Yukwon didn’t show up at lunch or if he sat with the others, he would know that the previous night meant nothing. Everything Yukwon said would be a lie.

He wanted so badly to trust him, but the ache in his stomach said he wasn’t quite there.

He couldn’t focus for his first three classes. They passed in a blur.

After calculus, it was time for lunch. He dumped his books off in his locker and walked slowly to the cafeteria. He’d eaten lunch in the corner with his chess club friends every day that year. He looked around for Yukwon, wondering if they would sit at their own table now or if Yukwon would take up with his friends. He couldn’t imagine his friends would like that much. He felt sick.

He turned to rush to bathroom when Yukwon’s blond hair caught his eye. He stood by his old table, talking to one of his old friends – the same one that had been front and center snapping photographs and shouting hate at Minhyuk the night before.

His eyes filled with tears and he rushed down the hallway into the bathroom. He stayed there through the lunch hour, fighting off a panic attack. When he finally left the bathroom, he went to the school nurse and got a note to take the rest of the day off.

Yukwon blew up his phone with over ten calls and twenty texts.

When Minhyuk’s doorbell rang at half past three, he knew it would be Yukwon. He heard his mother’s curt response. “Minhyuk is sick.”

Yukwon tried to argue, but his mother was unmoving. Another call came in, followed by two texts just after he heard the door shut.

He turned his phone off and rolled over to face the wall.

“Minhyuk…” His mother poked her head into his room. “Do you want to explain to me why Yukwon Kim was just here begging to see you.”

“No.”

“It’s been years…”

“I know.”

“Did something happen with him?”

“I’m sick, Mom. I just want to rest.”

“I think you should see the doctor tomorrow.”

“Fine.”

 Minhyuk saw the doctor the next morning, earning himself another two days off school and free from volunteering at the fair which was on until the following Sunday. One of the chess club members brought him his homework and he had everything finished by the time he returned to school on Thursday.

Yukwon was waiting for him at his locker when he walked into school. He turned to walk away. He could carry all the books that his friend brought to him. He’d carry them all day if it helped him avoid Yukwon.

“Minhyuk!” Yukwon ran for him when he saw him walking the other way. “Minhyuk!”

“Get off me!” Minhyuk shoved him back when he grabbed his arm.

“What?! How can you say that to me? You haven’t been at school all week and you won’t answer my calls or texts. Your mom won’t let me in. She said that you’re sick! What happened? Are you okay?”

“Like you even care. Stay away from me, Yukwon. So help me.”

“What are you talking about?! What did I do? We were fine Sunday night! We were supposed to meet each other at lunch and you never showed up.”

“I did! I showed up!” Minhyuk got in his face. “I showed up and I saw you chatting happily to that freaking jerk that called me a disgusting faggot! So, screw you. Get away from me and don’t ever talk to me again.”

“Minhyuk, no! I wasn’t talking happily to him! He called me over. I told him that I meant what I said the night before. He threated to tell everyone that I was a homo. I told him to tell everyone. I didn’t care. I told him I didn’t care who knew but I wasn’t going to stop hanging out with you. I told him that you were my best friend and nothing he said was going to change that. And then I waited around for you. I even asked your chess club friends. They didn’t tell you? I asked some other guys and Ellie. She broke up with Riley, by the way. She didn’t want to be dating someone that acted like he did. Anyway, no one knew where you were. And then I couldn’t reach you and I was scared as hell.”

“I thought…”

“I told you, Min. I told you that I’d be there. Why didn’t you come to me?”

“I… I thought you were playing me again. I thought… I had a panic attack and went home.”

“I’m so sorry.” He kissed his forehead quickly. “I’m sorry. You can trust me, I swear.”

“I’ll try.”

“I swear I’ll do everything I can to earn your trust.”

 Yukwon spent every day trying to make things up to Minhyuk. He brought him little gifts. He played video games, reinventing their lost childhood. He made up with his parents – a tear-soaked event – spent nights and weekends with them.

Graduation came and went and they celebrated together. They had a post-graduation vacation together – a gift from Minhyuk’s parents. A beautiful cabin in the woods where they could camp and fish and swim.

They came out when they returned home. Yukwon earned huge points for standing bravely at Minhyuk’s side while they tearfully explained things to his parents. For their part, they were very accepting of their relationship but wanted to be sure that the physical side of their relationship didn’t go too far, too fast.

Yukwon’s fear of moving things forward physically remained until their second year of college. They went away together, lived in a small apartment together.

They made love for the first time only after Minhyuk told Yukwon that he finally fully trusted him.

 Lying in bed together after their first time, Minhyuk gently traced the tattoo on Yukwon’s side. “I think you should have Jihoon change this now.”

“Hmm?”

Minhyuk leaned down and placed a kiss on Yukwon’s warm skin over the tattoo. “You should fill in the lives. It’s time, Yukwon. I’m here and I’m not leaving you.” He kissed his way up his chest and to his mouth. “You have your life back. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

Yukwon pulled him closer, kissing him intently. “I love you.”