#u!thomas

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Patton had to take a deep breath before knocking on Logan’s door.

There wasn’t any reason to be feeling nervous right now, if he was perfectly honest. He was feeling silly if even knocking on a door could make him nervous, but he was starting to doubt his ability to understand what other people meant these days. Thomas was dismissive and manipulative, and people shouldn’t treat other people that way preoccupied, Virgil just stared, not bothering to say anything didn’t really talk to him, and Logan was just…

Logan didn’t put the effort into trying.

Well, hopefully Logan would do so this time, because this was an important matter! An important one like this needed resolution straight away, for the sake of Thomas and Patton alike! 

This was more for Thomas’ sake, of course. Patton would never put his own needs above that of Thomas’, even if this made it seem that way.

He put aside the mean voice in his head that said otherwise and went to give the door another knock, but his hand fell through air. Logan had opened the door.

Something about how crisply he had tied his tie, how neat and well put-together he looked, how very in control, set Patton a bit ill at ease. Maybe that wasn’t right. Patton mentally reprimanded himself. Logan wasn’t bad at all. It was just hard to understand each other’s particular ways of viewing the world when it was a one-sided effort. 

He gazed at Patton dispassionately.

“I heard you the first time you knocked,” he said. His voice didn’t contain any question.

“Sorry,” said Patton softly. “Didn’t want to upset you.”

Logan did not specify whether or not he had upset him, instead opting to stand up a bit straighter and disregard it. “You wanted to see me, then.”

“Yes.”

“Then please, don’t waste time. We don’t have all day. Some things ought to be discussed quickly.”

Patton stood in the doorway, staring at his own hands as he linked them together. “It’s about Thomas.”

“Yes, and your relationship with him.”

“Right! And he’s been loving and kind, of course, because… well, he’s Thomas… but recently. I dunno. I’m starting to think that something’s wrong.”

 Patton became vaguely aware of a pressure on his hands; he realized that he was squeezing them so tightly that it began to hurt. Even so, he couldn’t let his own hands go.

“I don’t want to say manipulative—”

“Then don’t say it,” said Logan plainly.

Patton stared into Logan’s room, so clean and spotless that it was uncomfortable. “It’s like he’s always judging me for decisions I make..”

“Of course he does. It makes sense for him to be concerned with what you choose to do, since it affects him.”

“You’re missing the point.”

“I don’t really think I am.”

“But he points out if I’m doing any small thing wrong.”

“It sounds like he’s simply giving you criticism. After all, you are a Side,” said Logan, “your decisions do reflect upon him.”

One by one, Patton’s objections were failing, and something told him that this wasn’t right. Something was not right.

“And he…” Patton felt his hands tighten around themselves, felt every bone in his body cry out to not tell, but his voice gave way. “He’s made me do things that I—” (didn’t want to do) “—that I wasn’t sure I wanted to do. Do you understand?”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me what you expected from being with him.”

Something in Patton broke. All he could do was open his mouth and try to protest, but no words came.

 Logan groaned. “Seriously, Patton, look at yourself. You’re coming to me, making this a huge concern when it isn’t. Have you even tried talking to him?”

“I’m… I’m—”

“Scared, yes, I should have guessed.” Logan pushed his glasses up.

His face was unexpressive. He didn’t say anything. Nothing in his expression said anything, but his eyes…. What was that look in them? Either way, Patton wanted to run.

He couldn’t run. He wasn’t a coward, he needed to hear what Logan had to say, just in case anything that he said might provide him with some kind of closure.

“If you want the truth from me, Patton, you’ll get it. You’re making much ado over nothing. You’re making small problems into big ones. You pretend like you didn’t know exactly what you got yourself into.”

Patton tried to say something, but Logan simply dismissed him.

Even if he didn’t, there really wasn’t anything that he could say.

“Goodbye, Morality,” he said firmly. “You’ll save us a lot of time if you just deal with your problems on your own.”

*  *  *

Patton managed to get to his room before breaking down, but no tears came as soon as he stepped over that line.

What were you expecting Logan to—

I can’t think about that right now.

There were good memories, but that was a path he wasn’t sure he was ready to go down. At the same time, he really didn’t know an alternative. What were his other choices? 

He could daydream about a far-off future where Thomas…. Actually, the future was ambiguous and frightening. 

He could focus on right now, if ‘right now’ wasn’t so horrible. There was nothing for him, and there wouldn’t be anything for him, unless—

Patton noticed a card on his desk. It was printed on buttercream-yellow paper, written in obsidian ink that still sparkled, and marked with an exquisite signature and complex design that took a while to interpret as “Deceit”.

He picked up the letter, looking it over.

Morality– 

I couldn’t help but notice what’s happening with Thomas, and I do hope that you’ll forgive me for addressing it. I haven’t had the time to stop by, and even if I did, I’m not sure what I would say (other than profuse apologies, which often simply make things worse). If you need me, however, you need only say so.

Patton didn’t really register anything beyond that, other than the fact that Deceit was clearly choosing his words carefully. Anger and sadness, maybe? He wrote it with such deliberation, with such careful wording to describe what he knew and how horrible the situation was. How many hours did he spend carefully poring over it, selecting each phrase….?

Everything was just too much, but he didn’t want to put away the letter. As a compromise, he folded it up.

He didn’t feel like crying. At the same time, he didn’t feel like not crying. He glanced at the one line that stayed in view after the paper was folded.

Tomorrow will be better, it said.