#type contrast

ISFPs take immediate action on their passions and want to get physically involved, and INFPs fantasize about their future and dream about it, since that seems more interesting than doing it. So, if an ISFP falls in love, they want to consummate that love, because touching is an act of love. An INFP wants to daydream about that person, and maybe write poetry to express their feelings, and to share their ideas with them, because to them, sharing the self (feelings, thoughts, ideas) is part of the allure of being in love.  

Next, the ISFP has singular views on things, thoughts on how something is going to play out, and is sometimes negative about it (“this will happen, and it will lead to that, and it will be a tragedy, and there’s no escape”). INFPs instead have particular sentimental items or holidays or experiences that they hold to, and refuse to compromise on; they are persnickety about how they want to do something or the ‘right way to do it’ according to their learning process.

In ESFJs and ISFJs, you will usually find more similarities than differences. However, when contrasting these types to one another you will generally find:

ESFJs are more warm (if healthy), and will either mirror the emotions/demeanours of those around them or be very emotionally effected by other peoples feelings. If they do not like someone in a group, they will not exclude them as the opinions of the majority matters to them (however they might try to influence others opinions of that person). Can be VERY persuasive (or manipulative). Like verbal affirmation and compliments.

ISFJs are more reserved, and prefer one on one time, or smaller groups. Rather than controlling a group, they would like to serve it. They are slightly more open in sharing their opinions, and if they dislike someone they would prefer to keep a distance from them if possible. Instead of compliments, they like loyalty and appreciation for their efforts.

Margaery Tyrell + Sansa Stark (Game of Thrones)

Margaery (ESFJ) has exceptional Fe, and plays pretty much everyone she talks to like a fiddle (minus Cersei). She sees Sansa as a way to ensure they Tyrells get control of The North (by marrying her to Margaery’s brother). It’s pretty difficult to be sure of any of her real motives beyond just wanting “to be THE Queen”, however it’s safe to assume that everything she does is to support her own ambition. She walks Sansa around beautiful gardens, telling childhood anecdotes, having girl-talk, leading up to propositioning her to marry Loras. She tells her how amazing their lives would be together, and really sells it... and conveniently doesn’t mention that Loras is gay.

Sansa (ISFJ) has such an intense longing to belong that when Margaery comes to her with all of these plans to send her to live in the beautiful High Garden and marry the handsome Loras, she is the happiest we have ever seen her in the show. Finally her Si dream of living in a castle with a Prince was going to come to fruition. She can’t see that this is a grab at her right to Winterfell, and doesn’t even consider that Margery could have an ulterior motive.

Another fictional example would be grandmother and grandaughter, Emily Gilmore and Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls.

Real Life Example -

Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian

Enemies lol but I’m gonna try be impartial even tho I have strong opinions on what happened

Taylor (ESFJ) outgoing, prefers larger friend groups, cares very deeply for her friends, fans and family. Doesn’t want to rock the boat and prefers to solve conflict quietly rather than publicly (she generally sends people bouquets to smooth things over). In 2014-16, a huge topic of conversation in the media was her “squad”, which has since shrunk to a more select, closer-knit group of friends. Taylor doesn’t do paid meet-and-greets, but rather hand selects her fans to meet off of their social media accounts online.

Kim (ISFJ) while not as outwardly warm, fiercely protects her family and brand reputation, and will not hesitate to call people out publicly if she feels threatened. However, if people within her family are acting in a fashion she deems inappropriate, she will try to talk to them privately (as filmed by the KUWTK team lol) rather than call them out publicly (unless it’s for a publicity stunts for the show). You can see struggles to control her husband Kanye when he wants to rant, as she doesn’t have the dom-Fe knack for persuasion.

If you’re confident of being a 9, which is a generally positive type, rather than a 6, who excels at worst-case scenarios, then you kind of … have to assume inferior Ne over secondary Ne. This isn’t always the case, but inferior Ne has a bit of a reputation for being afraid of change, fearful of the future, apprehensive about new ideas and the unknown, because it doesn’t “value” anything that doesn’t seem practically applicable.

I know numerous 9s who are both INFP and ISFJ, and being a 9 doesn’t alter Fi-dom; the IFP is still firmly aware of their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc. They care about not disrupting things unnecessarily, because they don’t want to be inconvenienced; it’s not about taking on the outside perspective or thinking about how their behavior affects those around them on an emotional level. Of course, they CARE, but it’s not their first priority to care about “what I do affects you” the way Fe automatically feels that way and frames their actions through it.

One random example would be that the IFP 9s I know don’t alter their opinion or hide it, if they disagree with you; they will just state their disagreement and not want any argument about it, whereas an IFJ 9 will often faux-agree with you even if they disagree or don’t intend to follow your advice, because it’s about pleasing you in that moment. For a Fi, being “totally authentic to my feelings” always comes first, ahead of any desire for harmony or peace. One Fi-dom friend says occasionally she feels her 9 trying to “merge” into someone’s views, and instead of allowing to happen the way an IFJ would (it feels right for that moment, for them), it just makes her angry, since it’s a loss of self and see as a boundary violation against her own will. The Fe/9s I’ve known (and that includes EFJs and ISJs and ITPs) don’t see it that way; right now and here is temporary, you’ll leave me be if I smile and nod and go omg yes, and then leave me alone to do my own thing.

Detail-wise, it’s an iffy thing; my ISTJ mother can’t remember jack, but she’s meticulous at what she does, insanely pragmatic, and highly concrete. She just can’t remember huge chunks of her life or details about much of anything; she’ll read the same book twice, have forgotten most of it, and make the same wrong guesses in a whodunit every single time. But an ISFJ I know has an insanely good memory; she describes it as having an inner library and knowing which book to pull off the shelf, to open herself up to a memory. She can even retrace her steps mentally to figure out what she did with her keys. So I think a good memory is dependent on genetics or passion or importance or just random.

Si-dom values the process and knows that anything worth doing takes time; low Si devalues the process and feels frustrated at the need to be detailed or that it’s taking too long or is too fussy. Secondary Ne is fluid, moving from one opinion, dream, concept, idea, process, to another, as guided by Fi – envisioning the many ways my life could go, the jobs I could have, the ways I could become famous, the novels I could write. Lower Ne is not good at brainstorming on the spot and doesn’t like to be responsible for doing so on their own; it resists anything that seems too novel or risky. Then there is intuition. Intuitives just ‘know’ things without being told; they piece together reality and believe it, whether or not it’s true. The reason someone did this, said that, were there that night; the true motives at work in this situation; whodunit; inferior Ne doesn’t like the intuitive leaps of high intuitives. Their response is, “Where’s the evidence for that? What steps led you to that conclusion? What did they say that makes you think that?” or my ISTJ mother’s personal favorite: “you can’t know that for sure!”

Look at the big picture. Which type fits you better?

ISFJ: my memories are deeply meaningful to me, but so are the people in my life, and I am responsible for their feelings.

It’s not strictly true; I’d say it’s more often true that an ETJ understands their own feelings quite well, but not why others don’t seem to care as much as they do about what feels “important.” Which is to say, they excel at Te-related things: self-motivation and organization, knowing how long something is going to take, creating a structure that is right for them, being pragmatic and aware of how you get things done (as you read in my book… X leads to Y and then I can get that degree and have a job…). This is effortless for them, whereas FEELINGS (dealing with other people’s in particular) is a struggle. ETJs are quite good at knowing what they want and listening to that aspect of Fi, but it may be sidelined in a sense that it won’t stop them from being logical about a situation unless it’s “triggered.” Fi being triggered is this huge NOPE. And then there’s no compromising after that happens.

But to answer your question about inferior Fi vs. Ne… ISJs have trouble brainstorming on the spot, thinking that change is welcome if it’s not their idea, that ideas for their own sake are being impractical, etc. Ne is something others seem to do well, but that can feel dangerous, ungrounded, or irritating – watching higher Ne’s go off half cocked, change their mind on a dime, and not have a “settled” sense of themselves, of the world, of their desired future, etc. Ne for an ESTJ is a “playful” and loud function; they use it for humor, witticisms, creativity, brainstorming, changing tactics if something isn’t working (Te/Ne – this is inefficient, how can I think of a better method or one that isn’t boring?), being intuitive and looking for the meaning in things, wanting to open up their life and be expansive, and often doing that when they’re off the clock.

The higher the Ne, the greater your capacity to instantly pivot and pursue alternative ideas if your first one isn’t giving you the results you want. It’s playfulness in the realm of ideas, concepts, possibilities, beliefs, general openness to “new” and “exciting” things to explore, which in an ESJ is “high enough” for them to get out there and pursue them.

Tert Fi and inferior Fi are different, in that it’s an inward function; how do I feel about this, does it fit the kind of person I want to be, I am responsible only for myself. ETJs being extraverts are a bit more in touch with the outer world than ITJs, who have a blind spot when it comes to other people’s emotional states. ETJs may underestimate them more, but ITJs get caught up in thinking about their own feelings over someone else’s response to it. ITJs dwell inward more often.

And that’s something else to think about… are you outer-focused? Able to instantly react to things as they happen? Aware of what’s going on – in the room, in the culture, at your work, in the stock market, wherever you take an interest? Extravert. Are you more in tune with your memories, experiences, thoughts, feelings? Introvert.

The fact that you didn’t resonate fully with Si-dom, but you saw yourself in STJ / the ESTJ section suggests you are probably ESTJ.

Can you please give examples on the Fe +Ni dynamic (the difference between Fe-Ni and Ni-Fe)

In one of your answers you mentionned that Fe doms would gather objective info then give it to Ni to form patterns, whereas Ni doms Judge first then percieve things to fit in their judgements (if i got it right?)

Any tips, more info, examples on how to notice these things please?

Also another question:

As someone with social anxiety and being an Fe user, i still can't figure out if im introverted or not..

Any tips besides the whole "gets energized/drained around ppl bc it's not so easy to pinpoint the reason when u have social anxiety + Fe ..

Thank you so much!!

ESFJs are extremely social, extroverted, and industrious, often balancing a super busy lifestyle with their hobbies and interests; their lives are built around people, maintaining connections, and staying involved in the lives of their loved ones; it's very difficult for them to detach and see things from an unemotional perspective, because in their frame of understanding, all of society's functions exist to serve humanity. They like to adjust to the emotional environment and/or want other people to do the same, so everyone is comfortable, and see things in term of "we" and "us" instead of "me" and "I."

Tertiary Fe: I can talk my way out of this, no prob. *turns on persuasive charm*