This is a post about doomersis' apology put out around 3 ish days ago. I know it isn't aphobia related, and I'm sorry, but I think it is a point that I need to get off my chest. Her words have affected me deeply to the point I'd be up at night shaking because I couldn't stop thinking of the words she said.
I will be paraphrasing and linking some of her posts so if you are sensitive to suicide baiting, deadnaming, misgendering, dehumanizing, and violent fantasies please keep yourself comfortable and safe and scroll on. Take care, please.
If you aren't transmasc, a trans man, or anything adjacent, you do not have the place to forgive and forget the transphobia of doomersis.
Her apology was very empty and it will never undo the mountains of vile transandrophobia she spewed every day. It was quite telling that she was more worried for the future consequences of violent hatred than she was of actually owning up to and making steps towards being a safe person for trans mascs to be around.
You don’t get to call trans mascs 'testosterone hysterical women' and get away with it. You don't get to say it makes you happy to know a trans guy is being buried with [his] deadname on [his] grave and get away with it. You don't get to say you want glass to [their] eyes and get away with it.
A simple "I'm sorry I was mean I still believe they're privileged btw but I no longer want to kill them" is not enough to undo the vitriolic TERF rhetoric you spat out.
Her words had real, tangible effects. Telling a mother that she wished her trans son's suicide attempt had actually worked is despicable** and she shouldn't get away with it.
The asks she has received telling her that she must be such a good person because everyone makes mistakes and her owning up to it is outstanding piss me off. And while yes, I can admit that a shitty apology is better than no apology, she isn't a 'wonderful person with a wonderful apology.' She didn't really make an effort to actually apologize for any of the hate speeches she made.
It was so obvious that she would rather have every single last trans masculine person dead and gone in a slow, painful, violent death than she wanted every single lasy trans feminine person have a good and long and happy life.
Bottom line, her words will never be forgotten by many trans men and mascs, and she shouldn't be forgiven. I am creating this post because I do not want her apology to be the thing people know of her. She is a transphobic terf and doesn't deserve the forgiveness and forgetness of the trans community. Until she drastically changes, she doesn't deserve our forgiveness.
And for heaven freaking sakes do not send harassment her way because I've spoken about this. Just ignore her. Please. Harrassment and death threats aren't they way to go about this.
**Below the cut are screenshots I took of this post back in June from one of her old accounts. It includes dehumanizing and suicide baiting, please be cautious if this hurts you.
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When I went to a psychiatrist for my autism evaluation (age 15), they sent in a med student to do the initial "are you depressed?" charts with me. The psych office was in an unfamiliar building and I was completely overwhelmed and had temporarily lost speech, so I couldn't respond to his questions about the chart. He chose to react to this by talking to me in a baby voice and asking if I knew what "depression" was, and said "it's when you're very sad for a very long time." I have not felt white-hot rage quite like what I felt then before or since.
Even if I had been nonverbal, it still would have been completely inappropriate for him to assume that I was intellectually disabled as well. I know he meant well, but that just made me so angry. It was especially frustrating because I was physically incapable of correcting him, because I could not speak. Easily top five worst medical experiences I have had.
This is infantilization. I'm sorry this happened to you. You shouldn't have had to be treated in such a way and that doctor should've had consequences.
Also just fyi, even if you had an IDD he shouldn't have talked to you in baby talk. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and with no infantilization. It's one thing to consent to it/explicitly say to someone that you don't care/that you like it if they talk to you that way. But no one, and I mean no one deserves to be dehumanized in that way. As infantilizing is a way of dehumanizing people, because children aren't really seen or respected as people until they're adults.
Commander Oracle brings a fist to their mouth and goes quiet in thought. Across from them, a sharp-suited representative waits for their response, tapping a stylus against the datapad on his lap.
"Well, Commander?" the representative pushes, which draws a defeated sigh from Oracle. The hand in front of their face moves to meet the waiting handshake.
"It's a deal."
“Wonderful. Now, we'll just need a few signatures to officiate the transfer. Your initials, please- here, and here, and here…"
Three weeks earlier…
"We're behind schedule," Representative Silarn snaps at a nearby lab tech. "Two-hundred revisions deep, and this damn thing hasn't been right for a single one of them."
The lab tech winces, the expression tugging at a highway of subvox bioplating on his cheeks. He clumsily tries to hide it by twitching the rest of his face, recentering a matrix in front of his eye- but Silarn catches it anyways.
"You're the best of the best, are you not? Surely you can reprint a clone properly."
"With all due respect, sir," the tech dangerously ventures, "this level of mutation is unprecedented. Physiological values are standard- and have been through every iteration- but its mental faculties have been altered in a way we can't unwi-"
"Can't, or won't? This is a standard reconstruction job, and we've collected every microgram of biomatter to do it with. Don't insult me with the thought of 'we can't do this.'"
The tech removes his calipers from the brain-dead clone's system port and turns to face Silarn. "Sir. I've personally scanned its synapses- everything should be functioning. This isn't a neurological issue, it's a paracausal one. The thing that killed it… it's not something you come back from."
"Maybe for people," Silarn scoffs, "but this is a clone we're talking about. It just needs to do what we tell it to. If it was up to me, I would've dismantled this Frankenstein operation a hundred revisions ago, but this thing is important to the Midnights. Now, fix it, or I'll hand you over to their care instead."
That makes the tech finally break. All the color drains from his face as he mentally lines up the pieces. Wordlessly, he nods to Silarn and goes back to the clone's neck. Behind him, he hears Silarn let out a heavy sigh.
"RA help us- let 212 be the last of this damn thing."
Peter felt the haze in his head begin to clear. He felt the table his body was pressed against. He felt the restraints keeping him down. He felt the overwhelming urge to run as his spidey-sense went haywire. He opened his eyes and was met with a blinding light, he screwed them shut. He tried again and this time he succeeded, he saw Norman and Octavius at one of the computers while Harry loomed over him. His yellow eyes bore into his soul, his smile stretched across his face. "Morning, Pete."
"Wha- what's going on?" Peter felt groggy from his chemically induced sleep. Harry chuckled, Norman came forward with a syringe with a black and red liquid. Norman pressed the gun-like syringe into the crook of his arm. "Wait don't." Norman pulled the trigger and injected the strange substance into Peter's bloodstream. Peter felt the prick and he felt something change in him. This black and red substance enveloped him he felt his mind being ravaged by the intruder in his body. This creature only had one thought 'obey' and that thought terrified Peter.
His mind felt like it was ensnared in webbing, the more he struggled the tighter it got. He felt the restraints, a voice inside him spoke. 'Free' He felt those same restraints snap as Peter moved. Why was he moving, he needed to get out of here. His vision blurred and his body twitching he rushed forward as he tried to jump up and escape. Jumping up he grabbed hold of one of the computers and propelled himself towards the stained glass window. After the computer had fallen to the ground and shattered he heard Norman yell "Stop." Peter froze in place, why did he stop, why wasn't he running? Norman lowered his voice a bit, tone cold and commanding. "Come here." Peter dropped down on all fours, back hunched like a predator awaiting orders, Norman chuckled as he circled Peter. Calculated footsteps echoed throughout the room, Norman looked downright gleeful.
Octavius was less than pleased, "Do you know how much data was on that computer!?"
Norman was busy admiring Peter in his new form as he addressed Octavius, "Just send me the bill."
"ARE YOU KIDDING, LOOK AT ALL THE CARNAGE THAT BRAT CAUSED!!" Octavius exploded.
The Osborns didn't give much of a response until Harry spoke up. "Carnage, I like the sound of that."
"I think it suits him, after all Harry," a sinister grin found its way on Norman's face. "I know how much you've always wanted a pet." As he patted Peter on his head. Harry walked over and reached out his hand and stroked Peter's head. "I think I have a job for you Carnage."
-
Danny felt the crash shake the helicariar, he was expecting this. All the agents ran to the cockpit where Harry and Octavius were wreaking havoc. The team was headed in the opposite direction, to the labs. From Peter's file, they knew what Norman was after, DNA, specifically Luke's his invulnerable skin and strength make him a prime target. Dr. Conners was currently working on the antidote for Harry at the moment so Danny just hoped he wouldn't be in the same lab as the villain's target.
They didn't see Peter which worried them and relieved them. Danny was running through the halls with the team. He only hoped they weren't too late. That hope was dashed when he saw the creature in the lab. It looked familiar, almost like he had encountered one before. Danny donned a look of realization as he whispered, "Venom."
"What?" Sam looked confused. Luckily the creature hadn't seen them yet.
"Just before Spiderman- Peter became an informant we had battled a creature like this, he said it was created from his DNA. It is some sort of living liquid, it takes a person hostage and uses them like a puppet. There is someone inside that creature, most likely Peter." Danny explained to the best of his ability.
"I'm guessing just blasting it into bits and pieces is a no?" Danny and Ava shot Sam a hard glare. "Just asking."
"Well, we can't let it take P.M.'s blood," Yuki interjected. "Is there any way to get that shit off him?"
"Its weaknesses seem to be heat, when I was possessed by one Peter used electricity from a generator. But from the files, any kind of heat will do. And we might find it beneficial to destroy Luke's blood samples if it comes to that." Danny explained.
Ava was watching the creature through the cracked door. "Ok here's the plan."
-
Carnage walked over to the final part of the lab, where the blood samples were. Carnage wrapped his tendrils around the fridge door and ripped it off its hinges. The majority of the blood was labeled Yuki, Ava, and Sam, he found a container labeled Luke. It had vertically placed viles inside, but that's not what made him stop. He saw another name, Danny, which sounded familiar. He didn't have time to contemplate that thought as a beam of light hit him in the back, knocking him forward and into the fridge. A few vials smashed to the floor and the blood pooled around the floor. Carnage wiped his head around as he faced his assailants.
There stood SHIELD's team of superheroes, they didn't waste another second. Power Man threw Cho at Carnage, and he shot a tendril at her only for her to dodge and use it to jump up and over him. She delivered a roundhouse kick mid-air as White Tiger slashed at his chest with her claws. They both dashed to either side as a beam of energy hit him straight in the chest sending him back into the wall. He pried himself out of the dent in the metal wall.
Before he could make a move towards them he felt something familiar, a strange warmth, it was like someone was gently knocking on a door in his mind. It felt nice, he wanted to let whoever it was inside, but something stopped him. The more he tried to go to the door the harder it was. He could see it though, the door looked like his at home. The knob had this golden light emanating from it. He still moved to the door, his hand was barely an inch from the doorknob when a crash tore him from his thoughts.
Carnage now saw the heroes lying down two of them were unconscious, except for White Tiger, Nova, and Iron Fist. Harry stood over Iron Fist as he tried to stand, Harry kicked Iron Fist in the back causing his legs and arms to give out from under him. Carnage saw the look in the hero's eyes, he was sorrowful, and he didn't understand. Why would he look at Carnage that way?
He was Carnage.
But... there was something wrong, the more he ignored the feeling the worse it got. The only time it went away was when he saw the glow of the doorknob. He heard something in the back of his mind, it was faint, but he heard it, as if his uncle was right next to him.
"With great power, there must also come great responsibility."
NO, WE ARE CARNAGE! ONLY CARNAGE!! This was just a trick, CARNAGE IS WHOLE.
Nothing will change that.
"Peter, please."
He heard a voice, calm but filled with pain when they spoke. Yet the sound was smooth and sweet like honey. It reminded him of someone, someone he trusted, someone he loved. It reminded him of a warm feeling in his chest, the taste of pizza, the scent of different kinds of incense, and the hair he would mindlessly braid. It reminded him of Danny.
Peter saw the door and charged towards it. The tendrils kept him back but he needed to get out, the door was right in front of him. He kept moving, the monster yelled at him in his mind to come back. Making empty promises it swore that it would keep him safe, keep his family safe, keep his friends safe. It even went as far as to promise him Danny, but Peter didn't want to have Danny. He knew that if Danny never wanted to see him again then he had no right to complain. He'll be damned if he lets Danny get hurt because of him again.
He just barely grazed the glowing doorknob, he was almost there, just a little more. He felt a phantom hand push on his back and he grasped the doorknob and turned it and light poured into the darkness. Peter silently thanked his uncle before he left, he hadn't given up on him after all.
●
Danny fell to the floor as Harry kicked his back. Yuki was still regenerating her right side, while Luke blinked blurrily at the lights while cradling his arm, obviously with a concussion and likely a broken arm. Ava was pinned under a steel beam and Sam was getting his bearings back. Harry turned to Peter and ordered him. "Get the blood samples."
"NOVA, NOW," Ava screamed at him, in response Sam shot a beam of pure energy and heat. The container exploded the blood itself boiling and corroding. The blood had become unusable, nothing but black sludge that gave off a sour odor. Harry was enraged. He threw a device that caught Sam in a green orb. Sam tried getting out but ot proved to be futile, his prison would just absorb his energy making it stronger in the end. Ava was trying to get out of the tight spot she was in. Yuki was almost done regenerating. Luke was unsteady as he rose to his feet. Nova glared at Harry who glared back.
Danny's attention however was on Peter, he saw the smile fade and his eyes go wide. Perhaps he was coming through. Danny took the opportunity and kicked Harry off him. Harry fell back and rolled, getting back up he had a sly grin on his face. Danny rose to his feet just as Yuki and Luke joined his side. Yuki tried to hide the way her legs shook, her stamina was running out. Luke kept his feet planted as he glared. Danny thought he'd be able to get through to Peter one last time. His fist was alight with his chi as he closed his eyes he whispered a small, "Peter please."
Harry snorted, "Do you really think you'll be able to talk him out of-." Harry was cut off by the small grunts Peter made, hunched over his eyes were wide and globs of the creature were falling off. The creature was trying to stay on him. The face of the creature melted off Peter's face and dripped on the floor in a puddle. As Harry looked on he felt fury swell in his chest, the symbiote retreated from Peter's body. Harry just shook his head, anger clear on his face. Yuki and Luke helped Ava to her feet. Harry turned to Sam and a wicked grin appeared on his face. "You're forgetting I still have a hostage."
Harry pressed something on his wristband, which caused the orb to glow. Sam's screams filled the room as green lightning enveloped the cosmic hero. Dr. Conners rushed into the room as well and Harry saw another opportunity as he threw a pumpkin bomb above the doorway causing it to cave in. The ruble fell on Dr. Conners crushing his arm. Harry quickly pulled out a device and captured the symbiote before hopping on his glider and taking off. But not before Ava managed to claw at his calf.
Then another explosion, and another, the helicariar started tilting as it plummeted towards the unforgiving Sea. Sam was still screaming as Yuki rushed over to get him out of there only to scream as soon as she touched the orb. She mumbled an indifferent, "That's new." Peter rushed over and grabbed hold of the device, screaming in pain. He crushed it, the orb disappeared, and Sam's screams along with it. Everyone was then thrust into the wall as the helicariar crashed into the bay. Peter didn't waste any time.
"Is there a way out?!" Ava turned to Peter, her eyes widening.
"Move it to the escape pods." With Peter's help, Luke was able to get Dr. Conners out of the rubble. They had made their way to the escape pods, Ava set an unconscious Sam in one and strapped him in. The pod closed and descended as a new pod took its place. Next was Luke, then Yuki was practically shoved into hers. Danny was about to sit down, when he grabbed onto Ava and pushed her in. He quickly apologized and closed her door. Danny had expected Peter to have left by now he didn't expect to be shoved into a pod.
"What are you doing?" Danny didn't know why, but he had a feeling.
"What I should've done from the start." Peter simply stated. And the doors closed, the pod moved before he could possess anything. He banged on the door in a futile attempt to get to Peter but that only got him flung out of the pod as it wound up on the shore. He rolled as he flipped and landed watching as other pods came onto the shore. Where was Peter? He should be here by now, Danny was looking around in the chaos. He walked up to the other pods helping other SHIELD agents out of them. Peter was saving them, saving everyone he could. Nearly all the agents were accounted for when a devastating explosion shook the bay as the helicariar split in two. Ava had to hold Danny back from jumping in and trying to find Peter.
There was nothing but complete silence as the agents and heroes processed what had happened. Peter saved them, he didn't let them die. Fury looked remorsefully at the water. Luke who was in a cast looked in shock at the wreckage they once called home. Yuki was speechless, angry tears bled through her mask. Sam lay surrounded by medics checking on him as he finally came to. Ava clung to Danny as he fell to his knees, quietly sobbing as he held onto her in turn. Sam was the one who broke the silence, he didn't tell a joke or try to lighten the mood. He just asked a question, "What are we gonna tell his Aunt May?"
"Tell Aunt May what?" Surely Danny was hallucinating, that couldn't be him. Danny looked up to see Peter climbing out of the bay, it looked as if he had swam all the way here. How long did that silence last? Was he going mad? Peter panting as he walked on the shore, he didn't have a smile on his face. He looked more worried than anything else. Danny moved before he could think, he engulfed Peter in a tight hug, perhaps too tight if the wheeze was any indication.
"How did you- I thought you were dead." Danny stuttered as he held him gripping his shoulders. Peter gave a sheepish smile.
"I am a master thief." Danny could only groan at that response. Danny practically dragged Peter over to the medics and forced him to sit still. "Look I wanted to say I-"
"Peter Parker." Fury walked over. "We need to talk." Peter couldn't help the audible swallowing in his throat. "I'd usually have you arrested, but I'd like to give you an opportunity here. I want to make you an agent of SHIELD instead of a prison sentence. You work as an informant, occasionally joining missions, and you retire with a clean record." Peter was just looking at Fury with wide-eyed shock. "We'll discuss the rest later, right now you need to get checked for major injuries."
"But I dont-" Peter was cut off by Danny.
"Sit. Down." Peter gave him a little salute as he sat back down.
-
Aunt May was inconsolable as she wrapped her arms around Peter. She invited Fury and the rest of the team inside, they had discussed Peter's predicament and the surveillance discussion on cameras. They negotiated and finally came to an agreement, Ava turned to the others. "Well, we should find a place to stay."
"Wait, you all lived on the helicariar?" Peter asked with both confusion and concern.
"Well, not anymore." Yuki casually responded. Luke elbowed her with his good arm. "What it's not like we have a lot of other options."
"Well, you could stay here." Everyone turned to Aunt May, looking at her in bewilderment.
Luke looked a little nervous, his eyebrows raised behind his glasses. "We appreciate it, ma'am but we're heroes we can't reveal our identities."
"Luke you have sunglasses for a mask, I don't wanna hear it." Aunt May said in a brutal deadpan.
"While that's very kind of you, I think we shouldn't." Ava was cut off by Fury.
"No, you should." When the others looked at him increasingly, Fury continued. "While he is an agent now I want you to keep a close eye on him. Parker, I want you to report on any and everything you gather to White Tiger. Understood?" Peter nodded.
-
Once the team was settled enough to properly sleep in the Parker home they went to bed for the most part. Peter however couldn't sleep, he was still thinking about Danny. How tight he hugged him and made him sit for a medical checkup. Yet, he hasn't said a word to him since then. He thought he should probably go grab a glass of water or something. The cameras in the living room and kitchen were going to take some getting used to. He nearly tumbled back as he almost walked right into Danny.
"Oh, heh... guess I'm not the only night owl huh?" Danny just stared for a moment, before he responded.
"I suppose so." Peter had wanted to hear that voice for days. Even if it was a bit bittersweet with the circumstances at play. But there was something else, something he wanted to know.
"Was that all Fury's idea, y'know making me an agent?" Peter had to know, to know if there was a slight chance that Danny didn't hate him.
"Ava, proposed the idea and we voted, I broke the tie." Peter was stunned, he looked into Danny's emerald eyes and let out a breath of relief he didn't know he was holding. "I do not know if I would ever be willing to trust you with my heart again. However, I believe you deserve a second chance."
"Thanks." That was all Peter could manage to say before the tears pricked the corners of his eyes. He felt Danny rest his hand on his shoulder. Before he walked back up to the guest room where, Luke and Sam were snoring. Peter felt exhaustion finally wash over him, and he passed by the basement door that Aunt May had refurbished into a bedroom for Ava and Yuki. He silently walked up to his bedroom, and climbed into his bed, this time he wasn't plagued by nightmares like usual. He thought that was nice.
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people will dehumanize you your whole life , and then suddenly try to re - humanize you the second you call yourself nonhuman .
i was always forced to play the dog when i was little when my classmates played house / family , and now that i genuinely dont see myself as a human , they are suddenly weirded out ? the same people who made me be on my hands and knees & bark are suddenly judging me when i do quadrobics and wear tails ?
Hey so did anyone ask for Safeguard angst? Well it's right here.
I'll warn there is mild gore and Safe does get into his own head about being awful so please read at your own risk, aside from that everything is under the cut be safe and have fun!
Safeguard sighed as he found himself resting his head back against the glass walling of one of the Belltech enclosures, exhausted and worn from a recent skirmish with some calmaity creature he and several heros had won. Though now he was starving. And not the kind he could fix with a simple trio the stores. The kind that left his stomach aching for hostility and people. So why did he come here? Because as much as he hates it there's one person he can unfortunately rely on for a quick meal.
The sound of steady nonslip work boots made their way down hall, pausing momentarily to deviate form the path, before continuing. Though as they approach the enclosure Safeguard sat himself in they pause. “Safe? What are you doing in there?” Cleaner asked gently, opening the door to the enclosure and making his way over to join his friend.
Safe cringed looking away. Cleane does this every time, the same cautious questioning the same curious look. He feels awful, so awful about this but he could manage at the very least he needed to talk to him. “Oh- um.. I'm just handing out, waiting for you. I didn't want to be in anyone else's way.”
Cleaner nodded his eyes clearly up turned into a smile, as he moved to sit down in front of Safeguard ready to enjoy conversation.”Were you out when the sky turned red again? You were helping people weren't you?”
Safe nods back , feeling the urge to lunge at Cleaner. Though he holds back, he can't do that to him. Cleaner deserves a peaceful or at the very least dignified death. He can wait , he knows how this plays out. He knows Cleaner is going to offer him food and a hug. It always happens. “I was, it's my job Cleaner..” His tone is almost snappy and hostile despite the fact he doesn't mean it to be, but the hunger is killing him.
Cleaner looks visibly upset for a moment before standing up gesturing for Safeguard to stay put. “Then stay there. I'm sure you're starving after helping so many people.” Safe watches, him leave the enclosure and run up to his cart, pulling out his own lunch box and running back in. “Here. It's my lunch, but you can have it, I'm sure you need it more right now anyways!”
Safeguard feels like he should leave. He can hardly believe his train of thought as he watches Cleaner offer up his lunchbox. Can he really go through with killing one of the nicest people he knows, again? A sharp pain in his stomach urges him to continue. “Thanks Cleaner, I really appreciate it.” He mutters with a frown , opening the lunchbox and picking up a familiar sandwich despite how heavy it feels in his hands. Tearing off a bite and staring at it for a moment he can already feel the protest form the Chaos demon, but he attempts to eat it anyways.
Cleaner simply smiles at him just glad to help, though Safeguards hesitance to eat makes him a little worried. “Are you okay after everything? Would you like a hug?” He offers tilting his head and opening is arms
Safe can feel his stomach drop with dread as Cleaner offers, he has to make this quick. He'd hate for Cleaner to suffer any more than he has to during this. He gives Cleaner a half smile as he nods. “A hug would be nice..” He can't help but sigh, feeling the familiar weight as Cleaner hugs him. His conscious guilty over the fact he's considered and done this multiple times over , but he hugs him burying his face into Cleaners neck as he whispers a very quick apology.
Before burying his claws deep into Cleaners chest. He cringes at the noise, muttering apology after apology as he hears his friend choke on his own blood. He feels awful, sick of himself even as he desperately needed to make the death as quick as possible, he wishes he could make it painless too, but he'd have to compromise one for the other.
When Cleaner slumps against him Safe can feel the tears at the edge of his eyes, but at this point he doesn't stop. The hunger is his driving force as he tears in. Trying his best to be considerate, and eating away at things he knows can either be easily replaced or fixed. He's starved and he knows he is, it's truly his own fault for waiting.
Minutes go by, then an hour , maybe two. He hates to admit it but he eats until he's satisfied, until there's no trace of hunger left , and he feels sick of himself. Eating a person. No, eating a friend of all things, a friend who's offered him nothing but kindness despite his hostility and anger. He's awful.
For a moment he considers actually killing Cleaner just to put him out of his misery. That's something he should ask through, and despite being satiated the demon encourages him to eat more. Shaking his head free of the thoughts he digs his claws into his arm, scratching at the markings, hoping to get rid of them but knowing they'll just bleed into the cuts and scars almost as if they were always there, apart of him.
Carefully Safe lays Cleaner on the floor. And makes his way out of the enclosure, he can't bother to clean himself of the blood right now as he walks to Strays enclosure and lightly knocks against the glass. “Hey Stray, make some noise. Get someone down here. I— I have to go. Be careful, I'll.be back on better terms another day okay..” he hardly waits for Stray to acknowledge him before he turns to leave, he needs to go before he considers something worse.
As he leaves he makes half an effort to not walk along the streets a bloody mess, but he can't help but worry. It feels like people are staring even though they're not, he feels like a monster, like the worst person alive. It's not like Cleaner deserved it. No one really ever deserves it. He wonders what Alaska would think. What would she think if she saw him like this, bloody, satisfied with himself, and almost content. What would she say if she saw him tear into Cleaner. Would she hate him? He certainly isn't the person he used to be, so would she even recognize him?
He hopes she wouldn't. He hopes she'd never find out about any of this. Honestly he hopes she just thinks he's growing up and distancing himself, while still holding his promise to look after her. He just doesn't want her to look at him differently..
Every fucking trans person you'll ever meet: Transitioning has positively impacted my life and I don't regret it.
Cis scientists after some research: Turns out these creatures are sometimes happier when they transition!!!! Who would've guessed!!!! It's such a shocker!!!!
