#tulpish

Even if a tulpa can communicate through vocality just fine, they may want to use other methods on occasion to connect on a deeper level and to make their feelings heard. Sometimes, stress can cause a tulpa to be unable to use vocality for some systems, and tulpish may be used.

There’s no shame in using tulpish, head pressures, or emotional responses. You’re doing just fine with what you can do.

A similarly terrible day work-wise. The stress is eating it's way through me and it's taking its toll.

However! There were some interesting developments today in terms of Melissa. Did a spot of narration as I came into college, nothing spectacular there. No interaction for the rest of the day until after lunch. I was scheduled to meet with a woman working in student services, to discuss how to go through the whole UCAS process which eventually leads to going to Uni. The woman was called Karen, so that there's no confusion when I go "she this she that".

I took a seat by Karen's desk, and attempted to imagine Melissa in her own chair beside me. I quickly lost that image having been paying attention to Karen and what she was discussing. But when we got into looking at the actual UCAS website, and starting looking at courses, my head started to feel funny. It was some kind of queasiness, not like the dizziness from before, nowhere near severe as that, but I definitely did not feel right. I obviously took this as Melissa, and that she must be wanting me to follow this path and go to Uni. This would make sense, as I have been building her to be intelligent, caring, and encouraging. This uneasiness faded after a short while despite encouraging Melissa to keep doing whatever she was. My concentration was just too split between Karen and her in order to harbour anything more from Melissa. The rest of the meeting carried on as normal.

On the car ride home, I was giving her hugs and telling her how happy I was that she had managed to do something like that despite my mind being pre-occupied. I felt that similar warmth spreading from ear to ear again. I took this as a potential sign that she's wanting to say something to me. So I then spend all of my energy on her, focusing on her completely. She's right in front of me, and I say something along the lines of "I'm listening Melissa, speak". And then I could swear I heard the faintest mumble. I asked her to say that again. The mumble was the tiniest bit louder. Then I tried something which someone had suggested as a vocalisation exercise, I imagined myself being surrounded by speakers, and she the microphone connected to them. I said again "speak". And this was met with a definite mumble, It was not anything intelligible, and thus is what has been adopted as "tulpish". I don't know if after the first time how much I was parroting her or not, but I'm willing to give her the hugest benefit of the doubt because holy crap guys she's mumbling tulpish on day 5 if that was all her. DAY 5!

She's exceeding all expectations I've ever had. If we can develop this into full independent speech even if it takes 2-3 months I'll be so happy.