#tulipsink

with tears running down her face, she looked at him and said, “this is it isn’t it?”

so i’ve become the girl who cries wolf and then finds a home inside of the wolf’s belly / i told everyone i hated you but every time, i was lying / i told everyone to unfriend you on all social media and deemed them bad friends if they didn’t / i told everyone at parties that you are a mean, vindictive person / the thing is, though, i really believed it at the time / i really thought when i punched you in the face and blocked your number, i could walk away from you and be alright / but in the morning, i texted you and apologized because i felt so bad / and in the end, i forgive you for the pain you’ve shed / i hate you / i love you / get away from me / come closer / i can’t stand the way you make me feel / i’ve never felt anything better / i told everyone i’d never go back to you but here i am again / it’s like every day is a screaming match with myself and i’m a sucker for dramatics / i can’t help it when you’re the only person who has ever made me feel wanted / i mean, sure, you’re doing it with three other girls but when you say you miss me, i still believe it / so yeah, people are so sick of hearing me cry about you and then hearing about me waking up in your bed / if i don’t even want the best for myself why should they want it for me instead / i don’t know, i just want to see the day where i stop screaming / i don’t know, i just want to see the day where i stop feeling

You went back though didn’t you? Even after you promised your best friends that you wouldn’t You went back just to remind yourself why you left in the first place Just to feel it all one more time You went back because you thought it would be different this time didn’t you? Even after your mother told you boys like him will never realise what they’ve done Tell me did he make your heart beat butterflies this time? Or was it the same old fire in the bottom of your stomach? The feeling you swore you could never handle a second time round Tell me where did running back to him get you? Was the breakdown in the school bathroom all worth it for one more day of feeling him? Was the second heartbreak anything like the first? Did it teach you anything about running back? Please tell me you’ve finally learnt that boys like him will always feed you poison And girls like you will always swallow it whole

I feel so sick and I’m gonna pretend that it’s because of the alcohol and not you, and the fact that the lips on my neck tonight weren’t yours. Everything I did with him should have been you, and now he’s attached and I’m still hurting and everyone’s cheering because someone else just took off their top , and all I can think about is how fucking in love with you I am, and how if you were here maybe I wouldn’t be sitting in a room with a bunch of half naked drunk teenagers, And I guess I kept hoping you’d turn up and we could talk about the future and how you want to die just to find a way to come back alive again But you never did turn up, So I let him do what he wanted to do to me, Because for once I just wanted to feel some affection, Even if it wasn’t from you.