I Turn Poison Into Pretty Wording

so i have to write it

because no one can else can write what we had

you got arrested and chose me to call

and that has to be romantic right?

i tried to call you

but knew it would go to voicemail

i keep dreaming of you

you weren’t even that great

no matter how much you tell yourself it is

nothing is ever invincible, not even us

no matter how much we convinced ourselves nothing could ever break us

no matter how many times we rebuilt what we’d lost just to watch it come crashing back down

sometimes i visit the lake we use to go to when one of us sad or when we wanted an excuse to smoke our lungs black or drown our livers in the alcohol we weren’t old enough to buy yet

i think about all the things we left behind and how a tiny piece of me would give anything to have it back

but darling we have taken this too far to bounce back this time

the castle on the hill came crashing down

you’d already had too much practice

so by the time i met you

the whole of this god forsaken town already knows the story of us

people i’ve never seen before in my life still say your name when they find out mine

does it kill you knowing that they know everything?

because i cannot live with the whispers behind my back anymore

how do you like everyone knowing our secrets? our broken promises? everything we ever whispered behind closed doors when we thought no one could hear us?

did you know it would end like this?

maybe we both knew we’d go up in flames from the start

maybe we chose to ignore it

i am in love with you. and it doesn’t matter that you don’t love me back anymore because i think that loving you saved me. when dirty hands were touching me, you’re voice was in my head telling me “no”, telling me “that boy is in love with your body and not with you, this isn’t what real love looks like”

It creeps up on you at the exact moment you thought you’d lost it for good

And something inside you clicks and you don’t want to die anymore

All of a sudden, sad songs are just sad songs

And ghosts still appear every now and then but you’ve learnt that you can just blink them away

You notice things you never noticed before when you were too stuck inside your own head

Like the painting the sun makes when it’s setting but hasn’t fully disappeared yet

Or the way even when the darkness has completely taken over the stars finally get to show their beauty to the sleeping world

The happiness shines through the scars and the pain and shows you beauty you never thought you’d be capable to see

The happiness shines through and it gets better

It gets better and you don’t want to die

You don’t want to die and you’re alive

How am I suppose to forget your face when I see your eyes every time I shut mine?

They say with time things get easier and you move on, but you’re still haunting me