#tsogtr

Okay so overall review, the use of word choice, the whole name thing (I’ll explain further), the dialogue, THE WEATHER, it’s all amazing. This chapter as a whole is a great first chapter to look into Grell’s general life and how he’s been living this whole time. Looking at it as someone trying to see it as a standalone as to be able to show it to a wider audience, it’s great. All the elements that make up an exposition are there. We get to know Grell as a main character as well as his father and mother as part of our main side characters. The dynamic between Grell and his parents individually is well explained and so thought out. All of my thoughts here are gonna be separated differently from the prelude so I’ll explain it now:

If you saw the last analysis, you’d know that it’s a compilation of paragraphs and pointed out quotes and that worked because of how the prelude is written like in terms of length and structure. This one is way too long to fit it all in like that so I’m gonna separate my thoughts into three sections which are named father, mother, and George as the chapter is separated into those three parts naturally already (not named that, though, that’s just what I’ve dubbed them as lol). Each section will be essentially like how I did the other one before with callouts to specific quotes but it will probably be more mixed in and in a paragraph format. Idk as of writing this if I’ll do bullet points, but we’ll find out together. Okay, on to section 1 of chapter 1!

Section 1: Father

So to kick off, I’m gonna first mention the whole name thing that I said I’d explain as well as the pronouns. Grelle, the Grelle that we know, didn’t always know that she was, well, a she. “She” was born a “he” and so chapter 1 gives us that “he”. Here we aren’t with Grelle, we’re with Grell. As such, the name not having the “e” at the end and the pronouns being he/him are very important to note. Moreover, I actually like this choice of not starting with a Grell/e that already knows who they are gender-wise. I know that first instinct would have many want to do just that, but for a formative piece like this, it wouldn’t fit. We aren’t here to see Grelle be the badass we know she is, we’re here for the angst /j. 

Anyways, the use of the different versions of Grell is great and I think it’s really important to point out. I know some people may see it and be like “oh but isn’t that disrespectful” and while I am not the best representation of the trans community as a person who doesn’t even really know their own gender, I’d think it’d be disrespectful not to show Grelle as Grell. They can and do co-exist, to some degree. The erasure of one is just as bad as the erasure of the other. 

Okay so I’m gonna go in order of just how the fic is written so as to not jump around too much. So the first thing I wanna point out is Grell’s body language in how he’s sitting. He’s described to be “in a much more tense and humble position, hands rubbing together like star cross’d lovers.” There is some wording here that I’m gonna pick at, first being “more…humble position”. First, there’s a power difference here. Grell isn’t in a more humble position just because he’s nervous (though that is a part of it). There’s also the fact that that’s his father and they have been in this position many times before. While I’ve never been fired from a job (knock on wood, thank god, please don’t fire me boss), I can’t imagine the part where I’d have to tell people would be very nice. Seeing how Friedrich sighed before he sat, he probably had to go get Grell too or, at the very least, was close enough to not have to be told like his mother does as mentioned in the future. That less humble position on his father’s side, though, shows who’s in charge which just further displays the power difference. We learn that this isn’t Grell’s first time losing a job later, but I’m sure that this stance has stayed the same since the first time. The nerves are just even higher now because this is just another time where Grell messed up.

The next wording I wanna point out (mainly just because I really like it) is how his hands are described as “rubbing together like star cross’d lovers”. The way that “star cross’d lovers” was spelt immediately jumped out at me and my fellow Em doesn’t do things by accident, not on desktop and not in this story. So, naturally, I looked it up. It comes from Romeo and Juliet, apparently (making a disclaimer here, I don’t like Shakespeare. I don’t like any of his works. I never have, and most likely never will. So yes, I have to look these things up. The Macbeth thing was a fluke because I had to study that god forsaken play two years in a row. Some things I know, but most I don’t so I will instead be going to our friend Google for help. Rant over, back to analyzing). I don’t think it means much story-wise, but it is a little snippet that alludes to how a lot of people think that Grelle is a Shakespeare nut, something which Ell’s notes also agree with. It’s a cute reference, I like it. When I first read it I was like “ha I see what you did there”.

Okay we’re moving on where I start the count of how many times Friedrich calls Grell “my boy” so I can comment on it later. We’re at one.

Grell’s out of work “again” (it is at this moment that this Em regrets using italics for all the quotes bc I’m hand typing them) which signifies what I already said about this not being the first time Grell’s been fired. The difference here, Grell defends himself. We aren’t told of how the other conversations may have gone, but it doesn’t take a genius to look at the words “Grell swallowed hard” and know that this is probably his first time trying to defend himself. This Grell is supposed to be a reflection of Butler Grell™ after all and Butler Grell™ was not the most confident of people let’s say. To keep with that, he also stutters while trying to say it. When I hear it in my head I also imagine that his voice is wobbly too. They don’t have the best relationship, hell they don’t even have a good one. But I’m supposed to be going in order so we’ll come back to this.

The next paragraphs are about the job that dear Grell just lost. There’s weather here, but it’s more just atmosphere things rather than emotional things (though I can argue about how it was this atmosphere that adds onto the lifeless bleak that is how Grell will get to, but I digress). Anyways so they’re (Grell and his former boss Sally Bones) working with fish and I totally understand why Grell’s feeling sick because I would be too. Don’t get me wrong, I like fish when I’m eating it, not when I’m looking at it while freshly dead. As I was reading, I literally felt myself getting nauseous along with Grell so if that was the mission, mission accomplished. 

First for this part, the name Sally Bones. It sounds so generic and like something that I’ve heard a million times so I looked it up, as one does, and will now share what I found, as I do. The first thing that would come up no matter how I typed it was a character from a book series called Varjak Paw. Sally, in that context, leads, and I quote from the fan wiki, “the largest group of rogue cats in the city.” Sally Bones…cats….Sally Bones here….fish…hmmm. I don’t know if that was on purpose but if so, I like it and if not, I still like it. Sally Bones is also apparently a totem with blonde hair that people like to write in porta potties but that’s wildly off what’s happening here so there’s just a new piece of information for you.

Continuing on, the fish stuff. While Grell gets fired after seeing the harvest for fish eggs, probably salmon from what I gathered in research but it could be another kind, it’s not said what happens after. I watched a video and, again, I completely understand Grell’s being sick because just bleh. Not for me. I don’t know at the moment if this fish stuff will become important, but I’m keeping it in the back of my mind because pigs did get connected so I’m keeping fish around too.

Okay back to Grell and his father. (For those following along with the fic on another tab, we’re at “I do not care whose fault it was, Grell,”)

And actually, that’s a line I wanna bring up. This is the first of twice that Friedrich says a direct statement of holding back anger. The other time which comes later is a much bigger stretch to say, but can still be said to be out of anger, just in a much more manipulative sense. Friedrich has dealt with all of the times that Grell’s gotten fired and is said to have had to have paid for it too. He’s frustrated, I get it, I can understand where he’s coming from. One thing with Friedrich, though, is he’s a smart man. He knows his way around words and non-verbal language (which in this case relies on tone and body language). As soon as Grell tries to defend himself, Friedrich  cuts him off and Grell goes right back to being small again. He remembers his place next to his father and just becomes smaller and smaller as time goes on. It’s even said specifically that Grell bows his head in an accustomed shame. He’s used to this, especially when with his father. This shame comes back in the George section, but we aren’t there yet, so I’ll leave it for then. 

Add a count to the Friedrich calls Grell his son counter. And in the sentence he forgets his own son’s age *insert sarcastic woo here*. There’s not much to say, it’s just showing another way that Friedrich is showing his lack of interest with his son (his only son, as we come to learn).

We also get our first look into the development of Grelle and her want for children. Grell doesn’t know it yet, but the insinuation is there and I’m pointing it out. I know your future, Grell, you can’t hide from me.

Okay so this next part is speculation and very iffy and mainly just that Ell told me there was something here and that it starts here with Grell listing out all of the jobs that he had previously.  I was told to look at the scene where Grelle is talking about Beast’s death in the anime for Book of Circus. So I did. If we’re talking about speech patterns, then that’s something that I’ll have to keep in the back of my head to see throughout the whole thing. If we’re talking story-wise and what Grelle’s saying rather than how, I’m completely lost lol. My thought process went like this if we’re talking story-wise: scullery maid (that’s what Beast’s mom was), scullery maids are the lowest of the low servants and are assistants who do laborious tasks often working for the kitchen maids and are also the youngest usually, all of Grell’s jobs have something to do with kitchens (milk, eggs, bread, pig) so maybe that’s it. Grelle also calls Beast an “ugly old sow” but I don’t think that connects to anything really other than hey look more mentions of pigs. Essentially, the two things that this could lead to (from what I’ve gathered) are just speaking patterns when it comes to listing, or scullery maid in the kitchens.

We’re not done with this paragraph, though, nope not at all. Two things, then we can move on. First, donkey’s don’t have cud. For those who don’t know, cud chewing happens when an animal's stomach sends food back to the mouth to be chewed a second time. I know that donkey’s don’t chew cud because my mother is Jewish and there are dietary restrictions and stuff and donkeys aren’t allowed to be eaten because they don’t chew cud and don’t have split hooves. So take that baker, you don’t know what you’re talking about. That, or I’m taking this too literally. Oh well…Second! The pigs are back. So Grell “really, truly hated pigs.” but also, as I pointed out in the prelude, there is pig blood on him (or I guess by then, her). Whether this will be a change in heart or profession at some point, or maybe just a murder spree, is something we’ll have to find out as we get closer to the scene from the prelude.

  Okay moving on (I’m gonna try and go a bit quicker now bc we’re edging 2.5k words and haven’t moved past section two sjsjsj)! Friedrich starts heavy here with his digs of “wtf is wrong with you” type stuff, especially when he says that “it’s as if you [Grell] intend on not working at all!” Throughout the whole conversation, Friedrich talks down to Grell as if he’s a child rather than a 27 year old which I can understand to an extent but ultimately isn’t the right way to go about everything. There’s a quick interjection about Grell feeling sick again about the image of cutting into an animal to “rearrange his insides” which to me is funny considering we all know how murdery Grelle becomes. It’s with the next paragraph and the next bit of dialogue that really kicks off what I like to call manipulation (also add one to the “my boy” count).  

“Not many fathers would be as pliant with you after so many years of this… this… insolence.” That line is so hard hitting because, well, it’s true. A lot of fathers would have thrown him out already; this pattern of not being able to keep jobs just would not stand. Most of all, Grell knows it. He’s nervous because of it, as his dialogue and own body language goes on to say. 

Friedrich continues on with his little scolding speech and I won’t pick at every line he says but just know he goes back and forth between the blatant digs while also having that like fake niceness in between. What I will point out for those who saw it and decided not to look it up, what he’s saying in German to Grell is “Damn boy. You will be the death of your family, I know that.” This has a double meaning to it as he means, literally, the death of the family in terms of lineage as Grell is an only child with still no heir of his own and, figuratively, the death of the family if he can’t get his shit together. 

We continue on with Friedrich trying to just be like “yeah, we’ll find you something, it’ll be great.” but Grell, having gone through this cycle many times already, doesn’t display the body language that he obviously wants from his child. Grell purposefully makes himself small. Granted, Grell isn’t a very confident person regardless and would probably have issues with generally any and everything he came to do. Word choice I wanna point out here is that Grell is trying to make himself “small and remorseful”. The “remorseful” part specifically makes me think that part of this is Grell playing it up so that this conversation can finally be over and done with. I think that Friedrich picks up on this too which is why he goes in deep and says that he’ll kick Grell out of the house. They say that eyes are the window to the soul, but that “gentle” look in Friedrich’s eyes, I don’t buy it. Does he probably have good intentions inside, yeah, of course he does, that’s his son, his only child. But uh all those scenarios where Grell’s imagining his father throwing him out? Horrendous behavior right there. That tells me a bit differently.

AND THEN HE KEEPS GOING!! Friedrich pulls the “I’m only doing what’s best for you.” card!! And then he goes on and continues to repeat the “not everyone would be like this yk” bullshit and as someone who’s heard the whole “you should be grateful” speech many times, it’s not a tactic of motivation. It’s a tactic of manipulation. Friedrich is manipulative and this is a hill I will die on. 

But the conversation moves on and Friedrich dismisses Grell to the kitchen to deliver the news to his mother. The way that Friedrich tells him is absolutely criminal in my opinion, but whatever, I’ve gone off enough about how my initial reactions to this man aren’t positive. 

So before I move on to section 2 (omg we’re almost there, it’s real), there are two things I wanna go over. First, the name Friedrich. The rough meaning of it is “peaceful ruler” and the name was first given to a bishop. The last part “ric” can also mean power. He has power over Grell as his father. You see what I’m doing here. Just wanted to say. Also I was told by Ell that Friedrich is a first generation immigrant and that his original last name was Schadenklippe. So I googled the name. I got nothing lol. The page was blank. So I googled it separately. “Schaden” means damage in German and “Klippe” means cliff, so that was a start. Schaden is a verb for doing harm or causing damage. So he causes damage to Grell there, boom, analysis over thank you for coming. No, but, I’m just saying because I had this info given to me so I might as well overthink it.

The other thing is what separates the sections as they naturally are from each other. If you’re on desktop, you might not be able to see it, I know I couldn’t until I was on mobile. But it’s a record. A cinematic record, if you will. If you don’t understand the implications of that then I’ll give you a minute…got it? No? I’m telling you anyway: we’re watching Grelle’s records. This is a confirmed fact Ell confirmed it so it’s real. There was also a possible joke made that this is like Eric who’s watching it which would mean that Eric would have been the one to have reaper Grelle which is like to me the best thing ever. But it could’ve been a joke. Ell is cruel like that with me as I am simply just a lowly puppet on the strings which her big brain is holding up /j (the big brain part, though, that’s true y’all they’ve got some serious brain power).

But this FINALLY leaves us at the end of section 1. Onto section 2 which will be hopefully shorter for your sakes and mine.

Section 2: Mother

Okay I’m gonna try to not make this as long as section 1 was let’s see how well we fare. 

First thing’s first, Ell revealed to me Grell’s mother’s name and is allowing me to use it here. Her name is *drum roll* Hilary. So the name Hilary means cheerful or happy and the Greek origins of the name come from the word for gracious. In other words, Hilary is not sad and will be giving us wholesome moments :D until they’re not wholesome anymore, of course, because we all know where this fic is ending up eventually and with all the scenes that Ell has alluded to me about…yeah that’s all I’m gonna say.

So uh remember how I mentioned the weather? Yeah well there wasn’t really any weather in the last section but there is now! It is sunny and nice(ish) out and sunshine means happy times are afoot. Which kinda makes sense considering how Hilary’s name means happiness, after all. The sun is usually used to show positivity and life in literature. Keep this weather in mind as it is here, it really helps set the atmosphere.

Next thing to point out (this is where I’m back to going in order for those following with the fic I’m right after Hilary asking Grell if he thinks the sun will stay out) Grell is a momma’s boy. Rather than tell her the truth which would probably make her sad, he holds out hope that the sun will stay out. This is the first instance of momma’s boy Grell, we see more as it goes on. 

So now we’re at the inevitable confrontation. Hilary suggests a celebration for Grell’s job which she doesn’t know he lost yet. The way that she talks about things is just so much different from how Friedrich does, specifically when talking to Grell. I know that the contexts are different; he’s essentially scolding for losing another job while she’s blissfully unaware, but even just the way that Grell mentions how Hilary might react if Friedrich did kick him out shows that she’s most definitely the less harsh of the two parents. Hilary exudes warmth, that’s what I’m trying to say, basically. 

I wanna mention an analogy that I forgot to mention here because I think it’s a beautiful way of putting her ignorance and hope: “...suddenly the kitchen felt warm as she smiled at the thought, wrapping the notion in a handkerchief and putting it in her lunchbox of faith.” This is technically about Hilary hoping the sun stays out, but I think it has a deeper meaning in the end. Hilary likes to keep hope out for things, she’s positive about situations, even little ones like the sun staying out. This extends to how she most likely views Grell and his whole, to put it lightly, inability to do much. She wraps the notion of hope in a handkerchief and puts it in her lunchbox of faith. She loves her son, and there’s nothing that’d change that and if something does change that I will start to cry (/hj).

So Grell’s trying to tell his mother, whom he loves so much, that he lost yet another job. And he just can’t do it. He can’t look at the woman he loves most in this world at that moment and tell her that he disappointed the family again. Looking at the comparison of their hands, a mother who loves her son and a son who loves his mother, Grell just can’t bring it to him to tell her. I like the comparison of their hands. 10 PM Em who had a day full of going to a party and so. many. errands. who I know for a fact won’t go back and edit this can’t tell you why, but know that I do. 

A lot of this section is just kinda setting up Grell and his momma, particularly Hilary. Her ability to find the positives and be blissfully ignorant, whether from her own will to ignore the bad or just true ignorance to reality, is a contrast from the realist and literal person that is her husband. Grell might have gotten his smarts from his father, but you can tell that a lot of his personality most likely comes from his mother rather. Sure he might not have the childlike wonder or the ignorance, but he has the compassion and empathy, even if we’ve only seen it with his mother up to this point. 

There are mentions of birds as well (for those following along we’re at the paragraph which starts “Oh, aren’t they lovely?”), specifically blue and coal tits. Spiritually, the blue tit represents happiness. It can also be an omen of love on the way as it represents love and trust as well. It can even represent the arrival of a bright future. This can be symbolic to how Grell’s future may play out. While we fans of Kuro already know what’s going to eventually happen, and we know it is much less than happiness, I think that there will be pieces of happiness before the fall. In order to fall from a great height, one has to get to that height in the first place, after all. Alternatively, we could ignore the happiness and omens of love and take it solely for the bright future which could be symbolic of her future as a reaper. It’s another fall from a great height, buuuttt, Grelle as a reaper seems to be really good at her job. Sure, William might chastise her for being lazy, but he does the same to Ronald and we know that he’s also a pretty competent reaper. Grelle gets what she needs to do and is a strong reaper, able to go against who is probably the strongest reaper we know of in the series, the Undertaker. Grell has a bright future ahead once he figures out who he really is as Grelle and in the profession of a grim reaper, both which are symbolized by the blue tit. Similarly, robins, which are also mentioned, can represent a myriad of things such as the arrival of new beginnings, redemption, and happiness. Once again, this can be symbolizing an ascension before the fall or Grelle in the future. I’m leaning more towards future Grelle because of the whole new beginnings part, but that’s up to the reader. There are other tits mentioned but I couldn’t find anything about them so we’re leaving it with the blue tit and robin.

With all the beautiful birds, there’s also one that’s mentioned to be disfigured and ugly. Despite that, Hilary still wants to help it out. I want to say that this bird is supposed to represent Grell, in a way. Compared to all the other men his age, he’s disfigured. He doesn’t have a stable job (let alone a job in the first place), a family of his own, not even a wife or girlfriend at the very least. Compared to the rest of society, he’s disfigured. Despite that, his mother still wants the best and wants to help him. All of this feels like foreshadowing to me, but I could be reading into things just way too much. We’ll see as more comes out.

Part 2 and 3 of Grell being a momma’s boy, he cuts the bread for her and later on goes to make a list of groceries for her rather than having her write it herself so he can go get some things that are needed. Hilary has a form of arthritis and so this is just another way that he can help look after her. He’s a good son and I love them so much, they’re so cute. It is a little worrying that it’s mentioned that it shouldn’t be as bad as it is given the time of year, but I’m going to brush over it for now and just keep it in mind for later.

There’s mention of a baker, Hargroves, but I doubt that he’s going to be too important so I won’t do much with him. (His name means “from the hare’s grove”) All that the paragraph really reveals is just more about Hilary’s personality and kindness as she would refuse free food, even from a friend/referenced past lover.

The last thing I wanna point out is the last phrase “sweet in gesture, bitter in procedure.” which is in reference to a kiss that Hilary gives Grell before he leaves to go get the stuff. Like I said before with the hands, 10 PM Em can’t say what and if I figure it out while I sleep I'll come back and edit this and if this is still here, know that I forgot. Okay? Okay. From what I can say right now in my state, Grell loves his mom and so the gesture is sweet, however all the underlying things that he never said or made known makes the whole thing bitter. I’m probably wrong, but that’s what I got.

Section 3: George

Last section woooo! Can you tell I’m losing my mind? 

First thing’s first, the weather. It’s back to being grey and gloomy out. This grey and gloomy is probably going to be a recurring thing, not just because that’s the weather in Cornwall but also because it’s symbolism for Grell’s overall being. It’s like how in the prelude it was storming while Grelle was killing herself and how it’s much warmer and sunshiny with Hilary. Grell is just overall grey right now, and the weather reflects that. 

The chapter opens with more Grell and Hilary bonding moments from the past and it’s cute, they’re cute, we know this. He’s helping her with her handwriting and we’ve seen Grelle’s handwriting in one of the chapters (I can’t remember which) but it looked really nice so it makes sense that he’d want to help. Hilary also apparently knew a lot of what was going on, which is like cool to me. 

Quality control is here now everyone I went to sleep and now it’s the next day and I can properly think. For those wondering, no I’m not going back and editing the previous portions. I think it’s funny to see me descending into madness because I’m weak and can’t stay up past like 11 PM on a good day and function. I’m more functioning now, let’s continue.

So we’re gonna talk hair now because that’s where I left off. I tried looking up the significance of long hair on men in cultures, but I don’t think that that’s where anything is going to connect. Rather, the long hair is significant to Grell/e themselves. When Grell, there isn’t really a reason for him to have his hair long. In the late 18th century, it was commonplace (mainly in the 1780s) for men to lightly powder their hair, but by the 1790s, it was really only something that the older men did. Considering that it’s outright stated that Grell doesn’t like (or at least isn’t fond of) his hair, he doesn’t have a reason to have it long. Honestly, I just thought that Butler Grelle (who this Grell is based off of) had their (?? idk what pronouns to use for Butler Grelle I’m just gonna use they/them) hair long because it would’ve been easier for Grelle herself, but I digress. It doesn’t seem like Grell’s ever had his hair really short, so the fact that he does can either be a surface level keeping his mother (who does seem to like it) happy or a deeper subconscious where it kinda feels right but he can’t figure out why and he doesn’t like it but can’t part with it. Then again, we do know that Grelle has her hair short in the OVA and so the long hair could eventually be cut down to that length to show her moving on from her past, as the cutting of hair usually symbolizes the end of a chapter in life. That one’s probably the most probable.

So now we get into the meat of this section where George and unnamed other man friend of George come across Grell while he’s out. Grell is not ready for this interaction, obviously, and I won’t lie, I was kinda scared reading this part. At first I thought they were gonna be like mean and not friendly at all, which isn’t completely the case. They’re just people who know Friedrich.

George and unnamed man kind of take the whole time to just talk about Grell as if he isn’t right there in front of them. They talk about the struggle to get a job, what he looks like, the fact that he’s pretty quiet (not even saying a word the whole conversation), and even talking about Hilary right there in front of him.

The main reason that Grell doesn’t speak is because of a) the discomfort he’s feeling and b) the overwhelming anxiety coursing through him. He’s become very aware of the fact that his father talks about him and goes through a mess of thoughts as he overthinks it all. In fact, he overthinks everything that’s said to him, a testament to his horrible confidence in himself. Anyways so I’m gonna pick apart what they say about Grell now so bullet point time!

“Your father tells us you’re struggling to get a job.”

Friedrich talks about Grell during his work. We never get clarity on exactly who George and Co. are to him, but it’s people who at the very least have known him for long enough to have known of Grell since he was somewhat younger and have interacted with Friedrich in the near past. Either way, Friedrich talks about Grell during work or just while out and so yeah. 

The whole looks like his mother or father thing

When being described as looking similar to his mother, Grell’s happy and gets a genuine blush. At this moment here, before realizing that “he” might not be “him” after all, Grell’s just happy to be compared to his mother in a positive light. He’s described as feeling “lighter” and that it feels like the sun has come out (more weather symbolism where sunshine = happiness = Hilary). Then George says that he’s more like his father and Grell just deflates. There was a post that Ell had reblogged about this scenario too that I connected to this and that one gets to a more subconscious level. Basically, it’d be that Grell liked being compared to his mother over his father because it means that he’s seen in a more feminine way which, as a mtf trans person, would be ideal.

There’s the misunderstanding with Grell shaking his head at his own thoughts and George and Co. thinking he means otherwise, but there isn’t really anything there besides him (Grell) almost speaking but getting interrupted in the end

George and Co. talking about Hilary also doesn’t have much to say except that Grell got somewhat visibly upset

“broad-buckled and like a cryptid he remained.”

This is another way to show Grell not being confident. A lot of times, people will feel huge and like a monster when they don’t fit in (and use it as a reason why they wouldn’t fit in). I’m explaining it poorly, but the best most recent place I can remember it being used is in Taylor Swifts’ MV for Antihero (I think, don’t quote me on that, it’s one of the recent ones) where she’s much bigger sitting in a dining room. The lyrics reflect it as well when she sings “Sometimes, I feel like everybody is a sexy baby/And I’m a monster on the hill”. The feeling is similar to that

 “Friedrich said that was his namesake, aye.”

The name Grell means “rough angry.” I have no idea what they’re talking about. But okay. 

There’s more to this, but I feel like we need more info on Friedrich in order to make the connection (or at least, I need more info) so it’s another thing going to the back of the mind.

“Have you taken a liking to the family profession, yet, lad?”

Irony. Grell doesn’t like the “visceral mutilation” of his father’s profession. Grelle does. She even finds a wife out of it (Redcliff supremacy idc). It is nice that Friedrich at the very least never pushed Grell into going into the medical business, only using it as a last resort or empty threat, but I still don’t like him very much right now.

Okay we’re at the end now so back to paragraphs. We’re just at where they say that it’s a shame that Grell doesn’t follow in Friedrich’s footsteps as he is a great man. Grell can’t imagine having a similar life as his father as a husband and father himself; it makes him sick to do so, enough to rush away. He states how he’d never feel a true connection with his imaginary kids and it sickens him. Grell does not want to be the man nor person his father is or ever would be. Grell doesn’t want the family (kinda), he doesn’t want the wife he pretends to love, he doesn’t want the strained relationship with his kids. He doesn’t like it, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The only thing wrong here is the expectation that that’s what he needs to succeed. As a person who doesn’t want nor has ever wanted kids of my own, I can relate to the kids part. Constantly I get told that I’ll change my mind when I’m older and I have a partner of my own who does want kids, but I know that that will never happen. Kids aren’t needed to be successful, and neither is a proper family. Unfortunately, the stereotypical family man of the late 1700s is what’s expected of Grell and so he can’t really promote his thinking of otherwise, especially when he’s the one carrying the family reputation in a sense. 

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 If my over 6k word analysis is to say anything, let it be this, this story is filled with so many things that I love and can’t wait to see where it goes. I’m gonna start a taglist for this, so if you wanna be added, tell me and I’ll add you. And let me know what you all think of my ideas as well or share any ideas you may have!! Comments and asks are open so please, I love talking about this and as the appointed co-number one fan and analyzer, talk to me about it and I will love you forever. Okay that’s all I’m gonna go take a fat nap now haha. Until next chapter!