#trust them

So if I can only get one thing to sink in, let it be this.

five years ago, i ended up dragged along to this fancy-ass tasting menu restaurant with my husband, my mother, and my boss's mother in law. menu was very, very not vegetarian, and i was nearly vegan. a note at the bottom said you can email them if you have dietary needs-- but any vegetarian will tell you, no vegetarian menu items mean the option presented to you will either be 'hummus sandwich' or 'seasonal roasted veggie'

i was like, let's go all the way with this. ask for a vegan tasting menu, me and my husband both. see what happens.

we show up with my omnivore parents and they start bringing out the courses, and it's grudging apathy beyond my wildest dreams. every course they serve us either either:

-exactly what the omnivores are eating, with parts/layers of the dish removed-- i.e. a custard and tapioca dish with the custard removed. no extra tapioca, no attempt to rebalance flavors, nothing.

or

-a single, barely-seasoned seasonal roasted vegetable in place of meat

legendary example: meat course, skewered steak cube. vegan course, skewered beefsteak tomato. literally the same thing guys

(keep in mind this isn't any cheaper than the full meaty menu)

but that's not even my favorite part

at the end of the meal of expensive mediocre vegetables i excuse myself to the restroom and wash my hands. huh, that soap smells nice, like rosemary, lemme check the bottle to see who makes it--

the fucking soap