#trigger warning vent

and now ive been frontstuck for 3 months.

it just feels like.. feels like our brain is using me like a sponge to get all the remaining stress from (vaguename event) and then its gonna knock me out like everyone else. its just a weird? thing to anticipate?

we dont have much amnesia so when (if?) i come back i might not even know this is who i am. but i dont wanna be here if none of my other friends are here either. but i think the worst part is that hardly anyone will miss me.

I'll make this my pinned post for a little while just so everybody knows what's going on. My navigation post will be here, just in case someone needs it.

Hello, my darlings. I'm sorry if this seems sudden, but I've just got something to say really quick.

I won't be responding to any vents that are/were sent in my inbox for a little while. I'm really, really sorry, but I'm not in the right headspace to look at or answer those asks.

I'll be doing the stuff I usually do, like writing, reblogging and chatting but I'll probably be way less responsive/talkative. I just... Feel a bit drained at the moment. ^^'

You don't have to send me any sort of uplifting messages in my inbox either. It's good to know that I may have your support, but I'll just feel like I'm sorta... Forcing you to do it.

Please note that none of you have ever or will ever bother me. I'm just going through my own shit that I have to get through before being able to help others.

CW for vent under the cut.

Me when I remember I opened up to my therapist about struggling to do schoolwork and she tried to force me into going back to irl school and asking my doctor for ADHD medication instead of actually helping me not panic and scratch my arms and bite my hands until they hurt when I try to do any type of math past like 4th grade level

Ever since my dad died, almost 2 months ago now.. jesus christ, its been longer than I thought- my mom seems to be growing further and further away from everyone in her life except one person. And that one person isn’t me. He drinks like he’s a fucking college student, I mean the man can’t go a DAY without drinking at least five beers.

There’s a history of alcoholism. My mom keeps spending hours upon hours at the bar, then she comes home at 3-4 AM reeking of alcohol and giggling “for no reason”.

I have to scream for her attention anymore. She won’t watch movies with me, she’s hardly been cooking, she doesn’t even watch the tiktoks I send her.

I know my dads death was hard on her, but she knew him for 16 years out of over 40. I’ve known him for 15 years out of 15.

I look like my dad. I know I do. I see his face in the mirror every fucking day and it makes me sick. I just wonder if that’s why my mom’s been avoiding me.

I don’t know why I’m posting this. I guess I don’t wanna burden any one specific person. I’ve done that enough. I just want my life to be normal again.

I'm so pissedn right niw I can't even fuicntion

I'll pick up shit tomorrow

But for today???

I'M MOTHERFUCKING DONE