#traumatic experience

The apartment was so cluttered and both of them were shopaholics. I thought my ex-fiance had booted that habit like she said that she did prior to us moving in together, but I was very quickly shown that she had not. Her closet was so packed with things that it broke one of the doors (it was a sliding door. My ex-roommate's room didn't even have a walk way. Every single counter and space you could put stuff on was covered in junk. It wasn't just items, it was literal trash as well.

I would try to clean it a lot, but I'm disabled so I have a hard time with doing that without experiencing intense pain. The counters and floors were always sticky and the bathroom where the little box was kept smelled so foul the fan needed to be on at all times, but even then you could still smell it. The tub was always grimy. There was this mattresses in the apartment that smelled actually rancid. I was informed near the end of our lease that the cats actually used that bed to piss on sometimes. I would lay on that bed occasionally which disgusts me that I even touched it.

You couldn't walk barefoot in the house either, which was similar to another prior hoarding situation that I lived in temporarily which was much worst than this. I would keep my shoes and socks on all the time in there. I used to love being barefoot but walking on bare floor now without socks on is extremely stressful.

I don't want my new place to get messy and even though I'm with people I know are clean and safe, seeing clutter reminds me of the past. I'm trying to unpack as quickly as I can but, again, disabled.

Moved out of college, graduated with honors. It was a scratch and a crawl but I did it. I have a suspicious lack of emotions considering I left school and haven’t cried or really sat and felt bad about it. I also started up talking to an old fling so maybe my endorphins are just flooded. I feel better, I feel a little more secure.

I am back home now with my family until I move out in the fall. I will live alone in Nashville, I’m pretty excited but nervous. I know I will be more nervous when I get there, but for now I’m just taking things day by day.

जीवन सदैव वीरतापूर्ण नहीं लगता हेडन पैनेटीयर. हीरोज़ अभिनेत्री उस गहरे दर्दनाक अनुभव के बारे में खुल रही है जो उसने तब सहा था जब वह सिर्फ 18 साल की थी। उन्होंने अपने आगामी संस्मरण, दिस इज़ मी: ए रेकनिंग की रिलीज़ से पहले, जय शेट्टी के पॉडकास्ट के 11 मई के एपिसोड के दौरान इस बारे में खुलकर बात की। हेडन पैनेटीयर ने उस भयानक घटना के बारे में बताया जो तब घटी जब वह 18 साल की थीं। (इंस्टाग्राम) यह भी…

Went to visit my brother and sister in law today. They live an hour away but they’re the closest family to me, and I like hanging out with them a lot. I told them everything that happened, they knew a little bit of the story but no details. We were at a fast food place in a big college town, and I kept looking around because I felt terrified at the thought of people around me knowing who I was talking about, and going back and telling them. My normal mind is telling me of course not, but I’m scared the surrounding people knew the names of the people involved, and I just want to move on and never speak to them again. But anyway. Not much I can do about it besides sit in my own anxious misery. I’ll just wait it out I guess.

Besides that I had a good time. We joked around, I played with thier dog. I went to tjmaxx and found a nice smelling perfume.