#trauma integration

Toxic behaviour is found in being human. It makes it way more conplicated, if we put the labels female & masculine in front of it. People just have unhealthy patterns that keep them from being loving individuals. Of course we can individuate what is what for whom, but in general, the source of imbalance is the same. It is the same issues that make us act ugly towards others & towards self.

Whenever you find yourself longing for a partner, believing that once you have them by your side you will feel whole, loved & at peace, remember that you are projecting the responsibility for your well being onto your romantic partners. Don't try to go to them to find release! As children, we long for our parents to save us, to love us, to give us what we need. & as we grow up these longings still exist within us. We still want our mother to soothe us & we still want our father to be proud of us (vice versa). To live fulfilling relationships with others we have to speak them free from needing to heal us. They are not here to do this job & whenever you put them into this role they will set boundaries, hopefully. We will meet resistance at least & then we ask "why don't you just give me what I need? Why are you hurting me? You need to be different!". We can not put this burden onto them. It is our task to care for us, to join groups in which we can be honest & authentic about our feelings, in which we can heal & release the pain, to become so loving with ourselves that we don't project the parental role onto more or less romantic encounters anymore - sometimes it's just friends, or teachers, or whoever you meet, anyone who is a space to project your mother/father on. Speak them free & become your own loving parent by no longer trying to get from them what you need to give yourself. It's time to meet as equals, fully responsible for how we feel.

A lack of relationship skills & unhealed childhood trauma leads to a chaotic recreation of "love" in later relationships. It is the inability to soothe oneself & care for one's own needs (those we wished our parents would have fulfilled) that leads to disoriented romantic relationships - always fighting for what we need. All we wish for is to feel at home in another ones arms. All we find is the roller coaster of connection & separation created by showing up immaturely & not being able to handle inner conflict with grace & patience. The only way to create harmonious & peaceful relationships is by building a home within self & looking at those self sabotaging patterns. All we want is peace, but inside there is still war, so there must be peace first. It starts with being okay about the places where there is war - Acceptance of self.

The question is when did it feel so unsafe to express myself openly that I rather shut down & started to hide parts of me...