#transtherapy

I had my last appointment with my therapist today and I cried like a little bitch.  It might seem silly to a lot of you, but she was more than just my therapist....she helped me grow in a way I don’t think I could have without her. I know it is her job to listen and provide guidance but she was more than that, she was a friend. I got her a thank you card and wrote a little note in it. One of the things I said was this: “It’s one thing to see me as I am, see me as who I want to be, and to lead me there. It’s another thing entirely to see exactly who I am, and to walk with me hand and hand, to arrive to the answer myself. That’s what you did, you let me find myself.” I didn’t think I would cry when leaving her, but she stuck out her hand for a handshake, and then we hugged and I was just overcome by emotion. This person played a huge role in my life for 6 months....navigated through all the dusty corners of my mind, and see’s me as this strong, handsome, level headed, kind, loving, and hard working man. She showered me with compliments and told me to wait for the lover who will give me the world. That I was worth more than always taking on the job of fixing something. That I have no personality disorders, her only diagnoses for me was gender dysphoria. We’ve had very productive talks. From day one I’ve been straight up about my flaws and my struggles, my worries and concerns, what I believe that I am, and what I want to become...the man I dream of being. And she saw me for all of it. She glows when she talks about how put together I am....how I am worthy of something so powerful, and it’s right at the tip of my fingers... I believe her. Because her soul goes beyond what she does for work....I can tell she genuinely cares about me, about my life as a man, and about the purpose I am carrying out in this world...the message I have to spread to everyone I encounter with... She says I am someone great, someone solid, someone good, someone intelligent and intellectual... And as I left, my eyes filled with tears and I told her I would miss her. She told me she would never forget me and said it was okay if I forgot her, and I said I would never forget. How could I? As a lover of the universe, a lover of connections, a lover of anything that grows and waters my roots, how could I forget someone who was so detrimental in me finding myself? How could I forget the person who helped me come out to my family? How could I forget the person who did WORK with me? I couldn’t and I won’t. I’ve seen countless numbers of therapists in my life and only two will forever be embedded in my memory because they shaped me into the solid person I am: Dr. Kate Mulrinin and Dr. Cheryl Stolz. Those two powerful women will never ever leave my heart and I will carry them among my journey forever.