Over the years I’ve become very good at one thing in particular, waiting. Waiting to feel comfortable in my own skin. Waiting to feel pretty or beautiful. Waiting to look in the mirror and like or understand what I see. Waiting to feel like my body is truly my own.

And finally, I’ve become closer to that upon realizing I am transgender. I am a boy and my life became infinitely better-and worse-with this information. Better because finally, fucking finally I understood myself. I understood who I was and what I was. I was. boy.

Well then came the next process of waiting. Waiting to gain the courage to come out. That took a lot longer than I had hoped, but I did it. And of course being the sappy loser I am I did it in the mall parking lot of Love, Simon.

Then, came waiting for my family to understand and take action. This didn’t take long as they immediately scheduled me a gender therapist. And I finally met someone who truly understood. Who listended to every word I said and got me and what I was going through. He saw every part of me and not once did he ask, “Well are you sure?” Or, “Just wait a little longer.”

But the worst waiting of all has been waiting for the permission to finally transition. Words surround me though, practically drowning me.

‘Just wait’

‘Let us catch up’

‘This is hard on all of us’

‘It’s not all about you all the time’

‘Stop being so selfish’

But then I heard words that pulled me to the surface.

‘Son’

‘Brother’

‘He’s my friend’

‘Handsome’

‘His name is Jay’

Personally, it does bother me when cisgender people do this. It can come off as dismissive towards those who do care about what pronouns people use for them (usually trans people) because it can make it seem like trans people are the only ones who care about how they are perceived- when that’s not true. If everyone started calling you “he” and “him” whenever they talked about you, you might not feel the same way as you do now. 

But the thing is, people are probably still going to use she/her pronouns for you when you say you “don’t care”. I’ve seen numerous cisgender people announce that people can use “whatever” pronouns for them, but not once has anyone called them anything but their correct pronouns. 

When a non-passing transgender person does that, it’s a completely different story. It’s a privilege that (most) cisgender people have, to be perceived as and treated as the gender that they are. I would say (and this is for everyone), tell people the pronouns that you would specifically prefer. If you wouldn’t be comfortable with everyone calling you “he”, then don’t say “any pronouns work”. Be as clear as possible. 

To all cisgender people, I recommend saying the pronouns that “match” your gender (ex. if you are a girl, say “she/her pronouns”). Don’t complicate the situation by adding in other possible factors that you may not be comfortable with. I hope this helped. If you have any more questions, feel free to send us an ask!

From my understanding, it was coined by someone who identifies as otherkin. [Here] is a link to a post explaining the pronoun’s origins. The pronouns definitely seem to have strong ties to faekin and angelkin identities. 

I don’t identify as otherkin so I personally can’t tell you if it’s right or not. But, in my opinion, you should only use the pronouns if you feel a strong connection with and identify with the meaning & origins of the pronouns. Not just because you like the sound of it. 

I hope this helped. If you have more questions about those specific pronouns and their connection to otherkin, I would suggest asking the one who coined the pronouns or another person who uses those pronouns. Good luck!

First of all, I’m so sorry that happened to you. You have every right to be upset. Having your trust betrayed like that can really hurt a friendship if it isn’t talked about. She may know you’re mad, but she may not fully understand why or how much it hurt you. I suggest having a conversation about it, why what she did wasn’t okay, and how to build back that trust. You don’t have to lose her as a friend because of one hurtful incident, and talking about it can help prevent another one. Good luck with everything

I would definitely suggest talking to your boyfriend about how it makes you feel. Communicating with each other is so important in relationships, especially when you’re in a complicated situation like yours.

Let him know how it makes you feel and that you know it isn’t his intention to make you feel unwanted. See if the two of you can figure out a way to make it a little more comfortable. He might not realize how it’s affecting you.

Mod applications are currently open, and will be closing on Wednesday, February 1st.

In order to more fully address the wide range of questions we receive, we are specifically looking to add trans people of color, intersex trans people, and trans people who have experience with hrt and/or surgery. If any of those describe you and you’d like to use your experiences to spread knowledge and give advice to other trans people, we encourage you to apply!