Square: S1- Writing Format: Flashfic

Warning: NA

Summary: Tony’s thoughts when he dropped the nuke         

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17682830

That was it. A huge yellow ball of fire, he kept his eyes open, had to see, had to watch the destruction. A whole ship, miles long, a whole race?

No.

He didn’t want to think of it, of anything, but suddenly he was thinking everything: aliens attacking Earth,  death, the fear, the pain, random moments from his life, who he was, who he thought he was, who he had wanted to become, Pepper’s eyes, being trapped in the cave and thinking about her, always her, would she miss him?, the first time Dum-E picked up a fire extinguisher, fucking Captain America telling him he was nothing (was that this morning, my god, this morning?), his father (my greatest creation - fuck that, you weren’t a creation, well, you weren’t going to be anything now), terror, anger, Rhodey’s smile, meeting a fucking god, Natashalie and her triple agent spying, oh god, he didn’t want to die yet, the stars, the universe, the feeling of never having been good enough-would this be good enough, finally-

- the nothingness, the light, the dark, please no!, the Hulk, falling to Earth, no air, no breath, Happy’s scowl when Tony wouldn’t let him drive, ever, Pepper’s smile, flying in the Mark II, he wanted to fly, he didn’t want to fall, Banner coming back like he knew he would, all the people he fucked and fucked over, his home, his life -

And then, through all the white noise and dark howling destruction that was in his mind as he fell, the moment he closed his eyes and let himself go, knowing he wouldn’t make it back - through all the jagged shards of his life-