#topmaniac

Name: Spiky Topman

Debut: Super Mario Galaxy

Starting off the bunch is the classic, Spiky Topman! There’s no regular “Topman,” I’m afraid, Spiky is as default as you get! So playing Super Mario Galaxy, as Mario “Jumpman” Mario, your first instinct might be to jump on enemies. But with Spiky Topman, that is a terrible idea, since I mean. Come on. I think we’ve established what happens when you jump on spikes in a Mario game! You lose health, which is very unepic!

Fortunately, Super Mario Galaxy also features an alternate way to defeat enemies, which is by spinning! Shake that Wiimote back and forth, and you will twirl around, knocking back any enemies in your way! But Topmen are also defensive, meaning that even just twirling into them will just knock them back for a second! My goodness, are Topmen truly just an invincible enemy?

Well, they would be! But apparently they also aren’t very smart! The entire Topman Tribe’s battle strategy is apparently building their bases around electric wiring or on flat platforms with holes in them, which can both be used to kill them easily. Knock a Spiky Topman in the right direction with a good ol’ spin, and BLAMMO! They’ll be either knocked into the void or just fried to death.

Spiky Topmen also appeared in Mario Kart Wii’s online tournaments, where you’d defeat them by bumping them off the edge with Triple Mushrooms! Unfortunately, this mode ended long ago, so this unique appearance of the Topmen has been unfortunately lost to time... I hope they can do this again in the future! I think Topmen would be a fun enemy with the anti-gravity mechanic! Let Topman drive a go-kart! 

Name: Spring Topman

Debut: Super Mario Galaxy

And then there’s the Spring Topman! This Topman has no spike, which means that you can jump on it! But between its head and body is a large spring, enough to propel Mario high up in the air! You think you know what a jump is? Well, you’ve never jumped on a Spring Topman, then!

Spring Topman actually hardly counts as an “enemy” at all, since on its own, it can’t really hurt you. If it bumps into you, it just knocks you back a little bit! Maybe if there’s other obstacles nearby, it can bump you into those, but that’s not really Spring Topman’s fault! That’s just you being a little too reckless!

The main purpose for Spring Topman is good ol’ platforming challenges! You need to lure them to the right place, and jump on them at the right moment to get the necessary verticality you need in a level! Ultimately, if you mess up, though, don’t worry, after a few seconds, the spring will reset, and they’ll be right back to their old strategies!

Name: Topmini

Debut: Super Mario Galaxy

I actually don’t know why I’m listing the debut of these enemies, since they’re all from Super Mario Galaxy, but I’ve gone 3/4 now so it’s best I don’t give up at this point. Topmini is just a little baby, but be warned, because sometimes, the babier an enemy is, the more dangerous it can be...

Or at least the more irritating it can be! Topmini spawns in small groups, all of which will come charging after you. While probably the least dangerous Topmen on their own, due to their easy method of defeat and lack of ability to deal damage, they can easily mess with you if you aren’t careful! They can also push you right into an obstacle, and since that’s also just you being reckless, they won’t be liable for your death! You don’t want that!

But you can just spin and they will instantly die, so I guess that makes them a LITTLE less of a nuisance.

Name: Topmaniac

Debut: Super Mario Galaxy

And here we have the head honcho at the top of the Topman Tribe, Topmaniac himself! So. You’re playing the Battlerock Galaxy, and you see every other Topman in the game. It’s boss time. The devs surely made a nice effort to have this guy just be a stronger version of the average Topman, right? Where you can only defeat it by spinning it, and jumping on top probably isn’t a great idea?

Nope! Topmaniac’s battle strategy is the exact OPPOSITE of the average Topman! He’s got spikes on the sides, so trying to attack him from there is probably a really bad idea. That being said, he has a big red button on his head. I wonder where you should jump! C’mon, Mario “Jumpman” Mario! You know what you gotta do! It’s time for that pounce!

After you jump on this guy’s head, then the spikes retract and you can defeat him like a regular Topman, but be careful, as if you aren’t fast enough, they’ll extend once again! That being said, Topmaniac isn’t very smart. I feel he should realize electric wiring shouldn’t be all around his arena, since that’s the only thing that kills him. He could just tear Mario to shreds with his spikes and call it a day, but he installs fences for what reason? Is it because it looks cool, Topmaniac?