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- Righto. Oh, 'ello all. Welcome to the WWN! Merlin, got a special treat fer y'today. Apologies an' all that fer the late broadcast. Got caught up in a bit of shite this week, namely involvin' a couple dozen walkers or so, but we're on our feet again, eh, ain't we, Bernie? Can't knock us down, can they? For the benefit of this 'ere transmission, I'll speak fer us when I say we've relocated, hopefully to a safer place. Only goes t'show: y'can never 'ave too many wards. Keep sharp, ladies and gents.
Oh-kay, onto the interestin' news! Well, it ain't so much interestin' as disturbing, so if yeh've got any y'know, small children and the like hangin' around, clap a hand over their ears, would ya? Right, so we all know that inferi can speak, yeah? I mean, it sounds all garbled, but they can do it. Now, inferi 'ave always been the cleverer of the two evils, an' we thought life fer them was pretty cut-and-dry, y'know what m'sayin'? After our little run-in earlier this week, we've got somethin' pretty big t'announce.
The inferi? Can remember before. Worse than' that? They're becomin'... Aw, shite. I can hardly say it. They're... Well, they're not really dead no more, are they. They're kind of... They understand. They're in between. They can speak, and move fast, an' make halfway decent decisions, but now they -
They're huntin'. Independently. The people that did 'em wrong before are remembered as bein' part of the reason they're like, dead. Shite, I'm botching this explanation. Okay, so y'know 'ow inferi are magical folk? Well, most of those magical folk were part of the war, weren't they, before they got it? So now yeh've got a bunch of Death Eaters and the like sorta, well, lookin' fer revenge, t'put it mildly. Tha's not the worst bit. Walkers are pretty fuckin' stupid. Not anymore. Summat's changin', like. They're becomin' more intelligent. Movin' up a level. Earning their stripes. Walkers are learnin', ain't they, they're watching the inferi and pickin' up cues. And the inferi are - well, they're becomin' more human.
Look, there's not much else t'say. Be careful. We're a pretty light-on lot over here, but this is... It's pretty bad, folks. Not lookin' good.
Slight upside: foreign wizards were sighted down near Doncaster. Momentarily, mind you, an' they didn't do nothin' 'cept cast some unidentified spells and fuck off again, but our informant says they wore gold an' purple robes, which are the colours of the French. Bastards. Dunno what they were doin' exactly, but they were seen by a gaggle of inferi and just managed t'get out in time. What's this mean? Fuck if I know. Why don't they come help us out, eh? Blimey, we call the Hogsmeade lot selfish. Thanks a bloody bunch, Frenchies.
In similar news, hoards were seen mobilizing all over. Seems like they're kinda bandin' together or some shit, we dunno. Word of warnin' to all those livin' north of Glasgow: there's a massive group 'eaded yer way. Five hundred strong, by the looks. We've got word there are places of refuge at Dundee and Aberdeen, and a couple o'villages in between those points. If yeh're open fer survivors, paint signs on yeh roofs and the like. Get out a paint tin an' brush, go on. Some hard work never hurt ya. Don't use spells, fer the love of Merlin.
A'ight, that's it from us, really. Next week we're proud t'say we'll 'ave a guest announcer, so keep an ear out fer that. An' remember: if an inferi comes up t'ya, lookin' and soundin' just like yeh great aunt Marge, don't fuckin' listen.
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