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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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@heybertha
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 ââ âWrite childish lies about the people around me? I think not. Firstly, Iâm not a third-year girl, and secondly I can come up with my own insults quite well enough on my own, thank you.â
Um- No Severus. Firstly, I'm only doing whats required of me, working for the Daily Prophet doesn't demand honesty and compassion. Secondly I'm not a third- year. Anyway, whats the difference between a third year girl and a third year boy? Hmmm?Â
 ââ âThere is a very obvious solution. Simple, almost elegant in its simplicity - use a normal pen. The practicality of a poison pen is very limited - youâd be far better off with an ordinary quill.â
But using a normal pen would mean I'd actually have to write something. Using my poison pen means I can puncture the reputations of people without really doing anything . . .
You'd do the same if given the chance.
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 ââ âDid you legitimately just call your quill a she? How⌠sweet.â
ââ âNo, Iâve not seen anything. Really, you should keep better track of your belongings â these days we must take care not to lose anything we would like to keep.â
Oh Severus, what hole did you finally decide to crawl out of?
Please, stop being so self- righteous. Try looking after something that makes you climb trees so you can catch it.
Counting Stars || Bertha & Remus
The air was cold and crisp and there was a layer of snow across the ground anyone in their right mind would have argued it was terrible weather for a walk, and yet out Remus went. Three days he had kept himself cooped up in the apartment he shared with Sirius and the only reason he was bothering to venture out now was for a mug of hot cocoa and a breath of fresh air. As he made his way down towards a nearby cafe Remus lit a cigarette hoping it would sooth his nerves, research had not been going well.
Remusâ mind was on Gideon as he meandered, he knew the man had been brought back recently and had heard rumors he had been out looking for a cure. If anything it couldnât hurt to find out if the other man had anything to offer. So lost in his thoughts was Remus that he almost failed to notice the shouting coming from up the road. The voice was familiar though Remus could not place his finger on who exactly it might belong to. Keeping his distance Remus saw the woman climbing the tree and muttering to herself and instantly recognized who she was. Bertha Jorkins. If there was one person Remus did not want to see right now it was Bertha Jorkins.
There was no way around her either. The cafe he had made his destination was just past the tree she was currently scrambling up and there was no way she would not see him. Just as he had decided to turn back around Bertha was calling out again, this time for help. Remus looked around briefly hoping to catch sight of some other fool who could come play the rescuer but he had no such luck. Crushing guilt pushed Remus towards the tree and he wished he had never left the flat that morning.
âHello Bertha.â Remus called up trying not to sound as forlorn as he felt. âWhat seems to be the matter?â
Bertha attempted to shift her position so she faced the strange man on the ground. Every twist of her fingers hurt and every inch she tried to turn her head almost felt like her shoes were slowly slipping off the small branch her body depended on. She was not at all high. Her mind told her to jump, spare the embarrassment when others began to notice the commotion and arrive to inspect. But this person knew her name. Meaning he was definitely somebody who knew her. "Uummm . . ." Bertha released a long and exaggerated sigh. "Okay look." Bertha snapped, feeling the anxiety. Scenes of her snapping her neck, breaking an arm, falling face first on a rock whizzed in and out of her mind. "I'm going to jump now- so move." She demanded in a rigid tone.
Her frigid fingers felt short- lived relief as she free fell for a mere 2 seconds, the strong wind pushing loose strands of hair in her eyes and a silent gasp escaped her lips. As quickly as she let go, she hit the ground with a thump. "Ugh." Bertha moaned, finding the strength to sit upright and spread a bright red palm on her back. Pieces of snow latched onto her hair, entwined themselves in the stitching of her coat. Her neck snapped from the tree where she fell to the man who had waited down below. "Remus?" Her eyes scanned the pale faced colleague she knew ever since her Hogwarts years. He looked absolutely polar in a sickly kind of way. In the middle of judging Remus, Bertha quickly remembered the piece of paper. She found it right beside her and wrapped her fingers around the ball, compressing the note even further. Forcing it down the pocket of her coat, never to be seen again. "What do you want, Remus?" Bertha asked, recollecting herself and gathering the strength her legs needed to stand up beside him.
Adele Exarchopoulos at the National Board of Review Awards Gala - January 7, 2014
Do Not Go Gentle || Emma & Bertha
 Vanity was nothing without an audience, and at the very least, Emma was glad to have someone who wasnât Infectedappreciating her dress. The dark-eyed, grim reflection joined hers in the display, dropping some sharp remark about dangerous, to which she lifted an amused eyebrow. Hell, they told her breathing out loud was dangerous these days.Â
 âAw, Jorkins,â she cooed, slinging an arm around the girlâs shoulder companionably. âBut you followed me, didnât you? Iâm sure Iâm safe and sound in your care.â Bertha was probably exaggerating, and in any case, Emma wasnât the little fool so many believed her to be. Self-preservation meant knowing the risks before taking them, and Emmaâs steps were calculated more often than not.Â
"Itâs a fine day," she remarked; the illicit always put her in high spirits, when it wasnât going to kill anyone. "Merlin, Iâve been shut up in the compound for ages.â The oppressive, stale air in there reeked of nerves and tension, enough to drive a highly-strung young witch like herself out of her skull; not enough to dispossess her of her obstinate lust for freedom.
She stretched her arms upwards and yawned, before straightening her dress once again and taking a step into the shop, not turning to see if Bertha was following her.Â
It was almost emptied, which hardly surprised Emma; apart from the inhabitants of the Hogsmeade compound, there were plenty in the vicinity on the lookout for fresh, untainted food supplies. Gnomerâs Greensâ heyday was long gone, but she checked the little nooks people often passed over on food runs - under shelves, stores in the back rooms, disrupted window displays.
As she ducked behind the counter to rummage through a few dusty boxes, she called out to Bertha, âWhat are you doing out here, anyway? Youâve usually got your nose stuck in some notepad or other, or youâre watching people, with that⌠look, of yours.â Emerging with a loaf of bread in one hand, Emma grinned. âAnyone ever tell you how unnerving that is? Well, now you know.âÂ
"Seriously Emma, haven't you heard? I can't take care of myself, let alone another." Bertha replied and smiled at the bounce of Emma Vanity. Her meander disposition projected a free spirit whose wings had recently been clipped with the recent outbreak of the inferi and the walkers. Bertha could almost relate; she felt the suffocation and the isolation.
Bertha wondered what Emma was getting up to inside the store, and decided to leave her cat to guard. "Stay." She said sternly, before giving a giggle and scratching the feline under her collar. Her cat purred in response, rubbing her nimble neck against Bertha's eager hands. Bertha touched the side of the door before entering, scanning the store for Emma. Her ears twitched to rummaging behind the counter and Bertha immediately slipped her hand to her pocket; where she kept her wand. She may gullible and easy to lure into a trap, however Bertha's frequent supply runs has made her cautious and observant. Good, it seems safe. She said to herself, and stepped inside the store.
Dust made its way up Bertha's nose, as she scrunched her face and coughed in response. Between leaving her hand print on dirty shelves and ducking out the window to check on her cat, Bertha rolled her eyes at Emma. "I've known that ever since like . . . That time I caught Florence with her boyfriend. She had many boyfriends you know, I knew what she was up to. You can't blame me for being just a bit curious. As anyone would, anyway." Bertha replied as she checked the label on a soup can, defending her already damaged reputation. "Anyway I mean- I don't give that look all the time?" Bertha asked, positioning herself in an upright position and averting her attention back to Emma. "Do I?"
Counting Stars || Bertha & Remus
Bertha had always received the short end of the stick. She had been cursed from birth with nothing but misfortune and bad luck. Nothing went her way, nothing went as she planned it to. The tree rose before her, branches appearing like soaring arches to the tiny figure. "Come down, now!" Bertha hissed to her poison pen, which sent down a drifting piece of paper. It read all the names she had slandered throughout her time at the Daily Prophet. Bertha scrunched the single piece of paper and catapult it back to the tree; only to have it fall short and swat her on her forehead.
With one quick glance at her surroundings, Bertha began to climb the tree. The branches resembled winding streets, as Bertha extended her arm and stretched her legs. She was climbing the tree on her own, without anyone there to laugh or throw things at her. "Y- y- you're not going to embarrass m- me, a- again. Seriously, we're a team." She panted, her lanky arms trembling in front of her. The pen shook its red feather, provoking and taunting Bertha with swift motions. "Oh Merlin." Bertha panted glancing at the ground, slowly realizing what she probably looked like. Before the flowing leaves the sun blazed on Bertha's face, distorting her view and eyesight. "Jesus!" Bertha clammed her eyes shut, her fingers beginning to sink deeply in the small prickles the branches harbored. The branch her foot rest on began to tremble as Bertha's legs trembled. The wind picking up speed and blowing leaves around Bertha. "O- okay, I'm going to get down now." Bertha surrendered to the poison pen. Her heart rate increased as she soon realized she had no way of getting down. "S- somebody?" Her voice crackled. "I- I think I'm stuck!?"

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Has anyone seen my poison pen by any chance? I know I left her on my bed, but she has a habit of . . . Running away.
Do Not Go Gentle || Emma & Bertha
Theyâd said not to go for independent supply runs, but they didnât know Emma - she was shut up in the compound and bored, bored, bored out of her mind. Besides, supply runs didnât call for any logistical preparation or risk calculation; you just had to be quick enough, strong enough, and having a wand on you wouldnât hurt.
She still couldnât figure out how anyone couldâve broken into the storage facility, nabbed half of its contents (which happened to be a fair bit, thank you very much, given Emmaâs recent efforts), and escaped without a scratch. Catching the perpetrator wasnât her job, but it would be an added bonus.
The guards at the gate waved and beckoned, and on any other occasion Emma would have stopped to giggle and act the vapid, naive witch, but sheâd already fucked one of them, and the other was a little young for her.
Maybe in a few years. He had nice eyes.
âNice dress,â she heard, and gave them the old wink-and-vanish over her shoulder before Apparating to one of her favourite haunts, the grocery store near the Vanity townhouse. On her past excursions to the area it had proved too dangerous to take anything beyond a few loaves of bread and a carton of milk, anything she could grab off the shelf in a few seconds. But sheâd come prepared, slinging a large Expandable backpack off her shoulder as she landed just outside the store. The Infected should have settled and spread out in the area - and if they hadnât, she could get out as quickly as sheâd got in, easy. Emma never did anything she thought she couldnât escape from unscatched.Â
She smoothed the dress down over her front and peered at her reflection in the display window. It wasnât the most practical of clothing for a supply run, but in Emmaâs mental rationalising: a) one never knew who one would run into these days, and b) this could be the dress she was bitten in, and if she was going to have to wear one thing forever, it would have to be something that would flatter her sallow, undead skin.
This one was a navy blue affair, dotted with little white flowers, and streaked with mud and blood at the hem from her last venture out of the compound. A thorough scrubbing couldnât get everything out.
Old habits die hard. Freely flowing blue silk followed the sultry shadow as a wink and a smile allowed the young girl to slip past the guards unnoticed. Bertha folded her arms and stared from a tree in the safety of a temporary survivor's camp ground. Bertha wasn't exactly sure how one would acquire the skills needed to charm and ensnare somebody the way Emma Vanity had. She sighed quickly. A few days after the break in, supply runs were announced and the whole camp was clearly advised not to venture on their own supply runs. Emma Vanity must have missed the hint, making her way off into the distance down to the deserted and broken grocery store.
Just one quick peak, she had done it all before. Nothing was foreign to Bertha, about following someone suspicious or deviant. Bertha stared at the small plug of a raisin and exerted the strength required to see it glaze in the sky before it plopped straight to the ground. Bertha pinched off pieces of grass, and gathered her poison- pen, skipping over to the guards. "Press pass?" She smiled, her notepad floating beside her ready to write. The younger one gritted his teeth. "Don't even bother coming back." The older one chuckled, and was ready to push Bertha out of the compound. "Thanks . . ." Bertha rolled her eyes and scooped up her black kitten.
Time turned into a rope that unraveled in front of Bertha. No longer had time wrapped itself around Bertha, suffocating her with every sour breath she took inside the compound. Instead she was free to do as she pleased before fear replaced time and shoved Bertha back inside her cage. She stroked the fire, following her instincts, walking in Emma's footprints. Bertha caught Emma pat her dress near the display window. She exhaled a deep breath. And people call me stupid . . . She thought. Bertha remembered reading a small post in the Daily Prophet that congratulated Emma for becoming captain of the Slytherin Quidditch Team. "You do know that what you're doing is actually really, really dangerous?" Bertha asked, her voice replaced the sweetest harmony with cynical disdain.
WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?
Accomplishing something!
Bertha Jorkins moodboardÂ

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"But I have infinite tenderness for you. I always will. All my life long." Blue is the Warmest Color, directed by Abdellatif Kechiche (2013)Â
Adèle Exarchopoulos in Blue is the Warmest Color Directed by Abdellatif Kechiche, 2013