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-- - --- - - YOU PRESS THA- BUTTON - YEAH-- - - -- 

- Righto. Oh, 'ello all. Welcome to the WWN! Merlin, got a special treat fer y'today. Apologies an' all that fer the late broadcast. Got caught up in a bit of shite this week, namely involvin' a couple dozen walkers or so, but we're on our feet again, eh, ain't we, Bernie? Can't knock us down, can they? For the benefit of this 'ere transmission, I'll speak fer us when I say we've relocated, hopefully to a safer place. Only goes t'show: y'can never 'ave too many wards. Keep sharp, ladies and gents.

Oh-kay, onto the interestin' news! Well, it ain't so much interestin' as disturbing, so if yeh've got any y'know, small children and the like hangin' around, clap a hand over their ears, would ya? Right, so we all know that inferi can speak, yeah? I mean, it sounds all garbled, but they can do it. Now, inferi 'ave always been the cleverer of the two evils, an' we thought life fer them was pretty cut-and-dry, y'know what m'sayin'? After our little run-in earlier this week, we've got somethin' pretty big t'announce.

The inferi? Can remember before. Worse than' that? They're becomin'... Aw, shite. I can hardly say it. They're... Well, they're not really dead no more, are they. They're kind of... They understand. They're in between. They can speak, and move fast, an' make halfway decent decisions, but now they - 

They're huntin'. Independently. The people that did 'em wrong before are remembered as bein' part of the reason they're like, dead. Shite, I'm botching this explanation. Okay, so y'know 'ow inferi are magical folk? Well, most of those magical folk were part of the war, weren't they, before they got it? So now yeh've got a bunch of Death Eaters and the like sorta, well, lookin' fer revenge, t'put it mildly. Tha's not the worst bit. Walkers are pretty fuckin' stupid. Not anymore. Summat's changin', like. They're becomin' more intelligent. Movin' up a level. Earning their stripes. Walkers are learnin', ain't they, they're watching the inferi and pickin' up cues. And the inferi are - well, they're becomin' more human.

Look, there's not much else t'say. Be careful. We're a pretty light-on lot over here, but this is... It's pretty bad, folks. Not lookin' good.

Slight upside: foreign wizards were sighted down near Doncaster. Momentarily, mind you, an' they didn't do nothin' 'cept cast some unidentified spells and fuck off again, but our informant says they wore gold an' purple robes, which are the colours of the French. Bastards. Dunno what they were doin' exactly, but they were seen by a gaggle of inferi and just managed t'get out in time. What's this mean? Fuck if I know. Why don't they come help us out, eh? Blimey, we call the Hogsmeade lot selfish. Thanks a bloody bunch, Frenchies.

In similar news, hoards were seen mobilizing all over. Seems like they're kinda bandin' together or some shit, we dunno. Word of warnin' to all those livin' north of Glasgow: there's a massive group 'eaded yer way. Five hundred strong, by the looks. We've got word there are places of refuge at Dundee and Aberdeen, and a couple o'villages in between those points. If yeh're open fer survivors, paint signs on yeh roofs and the like. Get out a paint tin an' brush, go on. Some hard work never hurt ya. Don't use spells, fer the love of Merlin.

A'ight, that's it from us, really. Next week we're proud t'say we'll 'ave a guest announcer, so keep an ear out fer that. An' remember: if an inferi comes up t'ya, lookin' and soundin' just like yeh great aunt Marge, don't fuckin' listen.

WWN, out!

-- - --- - - GET OFF! - GET OFF-- IT'S N'A CLIMBIN' FRAME- !-- 

- For Merlin's sake, y'little... Ah! Shite! I mean, shucks, we're on air. This happens a lot t'me, doesn't it? Blimey. Sorry about that folks! A-hem. Well, I dunno about you, but what a week this 'as been, hey? I mean, first we got that utter bloodbath down in Blackpool, and now this. Seems like we just can't get a break. Guess we should put our flippers or whatever together fer that lot camped up in Hogsmeade. Got some reports their lot swooped in when all was goin' t'hell on the pier and played the heroes. So well done! Fer survivin', I guess. Honest ta God, if it were up t'me I'd have y'all strangled for being utterly stupid, but we can't have everythin', can we. I kid! I'm kidding, Jesus, well done, congrats, et cetera. Thank fuc- freak (?) you're alive? We live to see another day!

Anyway, anyway, onto more excitin' yet probably more stressful news. Know that Blackpool horde? Yeah, well, turns out Blackpool is a pretty shit little city, and they've broken through the barriers. 'Case y'need some updatin', there are a few pockets of resistance here and there - y'know how it is, nothing like bandin' together with strangers to tickle y'heart strings, amiright? - so these guys put up a ton of wards, like heaps, but the inferi kinda got there first. Now, if you're anywhere near Blackpool, get the hell out! Like Merlin, do I even need t'say it? A five-hundred strong horde is makin' their way up the M55, so keep y'eyes out and yer wands ready. Though apparatin' would be yer only bet at this point, truth be told. In similar news, anything along the M55 t'the M6 should be avoided, 'specially if you're in some godfersaken hovel on a side road or summat, know what I'm saying? I mean, they may look stupid, but they're not.

Now, 'cause m'feelin' generous, let's have a little history lesson. The walkers get stronger en masse, right? But when they're headed by inferi - bloody powerful bastards. S'all I'm saying. Keep yer heads down. Find a compound. The West is a red zone. I'll repeat that: red zone. Stay away. Comprende?

Aside from that, all's quiet on the Western front, the Eastern front - all the fronts are kinda clear, so thank Merlin fer small mercies. There's been an outbreak out of Leeds, but that's all along that Western-Eastern band which is kinda turning into a line of fire or summat, I dunno - Ernie, what would y'call it? Ring of fire? That's a muggle song, ain't it? Anyway: listeners, meet shit storm. Shit storm: be kind.

Last piece on the agenda: Blackburn, few miles Southish-East t'Blackpool, right? As of yet untouched. Y'heard me right. Untouched. If y'want my advice, which I know y'do, let's be honest, get in there and get in there quick and grab as much stuff as y'can carry. As we all know now, life's too bloody short to be stingy with hot topics, so there's m'hot tip fer the night. Alright, time t'sign off. Good luck, chaps. Remember: that's Blackburn. Ripe fer the pickin'. Only a few walkers on the ground. Get what y'can. Til next week, m'brothers an' sisters in arms.

WWN, out!

... .-BUT LOVE, LO...- . -WILL- TEAR- US APART.... - AGA--- 

Woah, woah, woah. I hate to break up Joy Division, folks, but there's news that needs yer undivided attention. I repeat: this is an emergency WWN broadca. .-. ...so listen up! Just received word from our sources that a massive - and we mean mas.- ...-sive, like maybe five hundred strong .  ... -.-- -... horde of infected are in the south-west, looks to be... Blackpool! They've stormed the.. .-.. .-.. [static] --- -. Merlin knows why, and it's getting messy. Real bloody messy, if yeh pardon the pun. We're not kiddin' around 'ere, I'm really fuc- .... .--. .. .muggles and wizards and witches and all kinds - but it's lookin' .-.  ... [static]

If yeh know what's good f'ya, stay away from Black.- ...- . pool. That's Blackpool, if you're just tuning in.... it's been swarmed by infected. And if yeh ask me, that's turnin' into a right bloodbath. Stay away, folks. Stay th . -. [static]