#tindernightmare

Bad dates. We’ve all had them, some of us more than others. Dating in 2021 is not easy. For the past decade, online dating has become more and more popular and due to the pandemic it has become the main way to meet literally anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I would looooove to meet someone organically ** you know... sitting at the corner table in an aesthetically pleasing coffee shop, reading a book and having the love of my life walk in, notice me, and fall immediately in love with me ** but the reality is that with social distancing and all of that, that dream is pretty much impossible. Online dating isn’t all bad, I met my ex on Tinder and we dated for 4 years! Other than the cheating, I think it was pretty great lol, but that’s a story for another day.

My blog is dedicated to my horrible dates and what I’ve learned from them. I hope that you, my reader, can live vicariously through my horrible experiences and learn for yourself how to catch those redflags ASAP and also have a good laugh. As horrible as my dating life has been, we have to laugh at it because it would just be depressing otherwise. Don’t worry, I’m not outing any of my bad dates, all the names and any identifying information has been changed.

But a bit about myself first… I’m 28 years old, and I live in a Canadian city. I used to be very timid and a people pleaser but I’m over all of that. Just before the pandemic hit, I broke up with my boyfriend (mentioned above) and my grandmother died suddenly. It was extremely difficult to work through all of this emotionally through the pandemic, I lived alone in a bachelor apartment, and it was winter in Canada lol need I say more? But again, a story for another day. The point of this is that I started taking a real look at myself and learned A LOT. Like a lot. I learned about my patterns and how I’ve allowed people to treat me a certain way. Basically, I learned about boundaries and how to set them and enforce them. I have learned to be up front about my boundaries so there is really no excuse when someone treats me badly because they’ve known from the beginning how I expect and want to be treated. ** like a queen in case you were curious**

Profile has a list of things including "Satan". I choose to risk it. Swipe right. Match with girl. Talk to girl. Ask about Satan. Ghosted immediately.

Caught this guy in several lies. Has a baby otw, charges of domestic violence and so much more 🙅‍♀️

#tinderfail

#babyotw

#wayne37virginiabeach

Wednesday, February 24th 2016

The amount of red flags that appeared in this next boy situation should have made me abandon ship long ago, but I did not listen to my inner Liz Lemon when she told me “dealbreaker”.

I made a tinder date with Landon on a Sunday night after a friend’s show. I wasn’t sure what I was getting into, because Landon is absent from all social medial. All of it. (Dealbreaker). So we’re all at post-show dinner and I explain my situation for the evening. I was losing steam since my friends & I couldn’t do any sort of pre-stalk ritual to get me pumped up for date. As time to leave crept up, I was this close (imagine my very close-pinched fingers) to cancelling, but my crew, nearly in unison, exclaimed “no!”. So, I begrudgingly drove off to my date after leaving halfway through a delicious vegan burger (shout out to Sage in Echo Park, wuddup).

Landon didn’t have much interest in coming to a place by me, so he set the night at a bar near his place. (Dealbreaker). He walked in and looked like an entirely different human. He sat down at my table….I gave him blank eyes, then a cocked head, as to say “sir, I think you are lost”. Nope, just my date who had “accidentally” shaved his head the day before. (Dealbreaker). We got a couple rounds of drinks but I was in a ‘cold-heart bitch’ kinda mood so he clearly didn’t think he’d ever see me again. Also we split the bill. (Semi-dealbreaker).

A few days later, I shot him a text. Because I am a sad sad woman. That text turned into getting happy hour…and we had a whirlwind date, traveling all over LA, had an amazing time, and eventually ended at his place. He let it slip that he doesn’t like it when girls stay over (Dealbreaker) but I’m like “woah buddy it’s a Tuesday, wasn’t planning on it.” Also, you’re not the boss of me so STFU.

These type of dates continue for 3 weeks, seeing each other two to three times a week. I managed to “accidentally” sleep over a couple nights, and he definitely let me know he was aware that I was there in the morning (Dealbreaker) but told me that it was fine, he’d allow it for me.

Then I check Landon’s tinder one day and see that he had updated 2 of his 4 pictures (Dealbreaker). My heart breaks and I decide we’ll never talk again.

Psych! He texted me. (They always do). I’m a weakling and decided to start seeing him again. And we did, and it was good, and I decided that I was still on track to wrapping him around my finger.

Then I checked Landon’s tinder another day and he had deleted his bio entirely. (Dealbreaker). I decided we’re over.

Wrong again! He hit me up to hang out the next weekend. I say yes, and then suggested we go see my friend play a show in Echo Park. Does he want to go? “Ehhhhh…not really. But you can come over after” (Dealbreaker). Mood changed, fuck that guy, Ima live my life and Ima go see my friend play sweet sweet music. And definitely, definitely not “go over after”.

The next week, my birthday approached. He got in touch to do something to celebrate. Landon took me out the evening before my real birthday, and we went to the same bar we always go to. “Maybe he’s tricking me…” I so naively thought to myself. “Maybe we have dinner plans after this”…I prayed to myself. I tried to crack his master plan, and suggested we go see my friend’s band (different friend) play downtown. He tells me Fuck No, and even though it’s my birthday, doesn’t want to spend his evening doing something HE doesn’t want to do. (DEALBREAKER X 1000)

So, I tried to kill him with my eyes. I think I was close by not quite successful. And made it apparent that WE(eeee). ARE NEVER EVER EVER. GETTING BACK TOGETHER.

Monday, January 25th 2015

I matched with a guy on Hinge, let’s call him Derek, 6 months ago. Derek & I got to “hey, here’s my number” status, but then we stopped talking.

January 2016. Derek and I match on Tinder. “What a small world” (Not really, also red alert, why have we both switched dating apps 6 months later, code: something must be wrong with the two of us). Derek really likes to use emojis. Derek asked where I live. I told him West Hollywood. He says “perfect. Let’s go to this place in Koreatown.”  Perfect? Really? Because that is nowhere near where I live. Nor where he lives (Brentwood) but whatever I make him drive me LOLOLOLOL.

It’s my second date of the night (don’t EVEN get me started) so I’m not quite on my A game. Derek keeps asking me to pass him his enormous water bottle (how romantic) while he’s driving. He tries to have a conversation about “what if a woman’s purse could shoot cum”. I didn’t have much to say on the subject.  Next I asked what he had done that day. “Was on my computer”. Me – “oh, doing internet things?” Him – “no. gaming.”  …so he’s a PC gamer. Now I’m thinking he was maybe the smelly kid in middle school.  

I should have expected this…but “perfect” bar in Koreatown was a 20’30’ room, lined with arcade games and degenerates. I ordered a corona, he ordered a coke. Strike. & then, because I’m female and didn’t spend my youth at the local mini golf-arcade-waterpark combo, my skills at arcade games are about as good as your grandma’s. I watched Derek run through $5 worth of quarters playing games that were made before I was even born. (Oh, he let me play one game. I lost so quickly that he couldn’t put the quarters in fast enough to play immediately after & ‘show me how it’s done’)

He asked if we were ready to go before I had even finished my cerveza. I slammed the rest of the beer, and he took me promptly home.

Thursday, January 14th 2016

This story is perhaps my most psychotic of the bunch, although I have to say I take blame for 25% of the crazy that went down in this tinder nightmare. New year, new me. & let the games begin…

So, I met this guy on tinder (duh) and he seemed very sweet. Had just moved to West Hollywood by way of Virginia, artist, cute, great taste in music … first time he asks me out is New Years Day (HAHA as if, I was still hungover on Jan 2nd…) so I politely declined but kept the conversation going.

A week later, he asks what I’m up to over the weekend. I say not much. He tells me his plans, and asks if I’d like to join him. “Sounds fun, I think I can make Friday available”.  & then we stopped talking. For 3 days.

Friday, 3pm rolls around. Still nothing. And as I’m in the “zero fucks given” stage of my dating life, so I send a little nudge. *cough cough* I say. An hour later he responds (and I can’t quote because I have since deleted the tinds) something along the lines of “I wasn’t sure how to interpret ‘I think I can make Friday available’. I want you to be happy and it seems like this was an excuse to get out of it blah blah blah” Alright #emonightLA. Pull it together. I tell him “no lets hang”.

Plans are made for roughly 9pm. I’m feeling good, feelin fresh, drank an aloe glow water to give me that “maybe she’s born with it” look, and just finished the last swoop of mascara when I get 3 texts at 8pm. Virginia tells me something came up with work (art emergency, Friday night, SOS..mmmhmmm). Too late to make plans so I drink 3/4 a bottle of pinot noir and half paid attention to a Seinfeld marathon before drifting off into a drunk slumber.

Saturday, 4pm. Virginia texts “about done with the job. Do you want to hang out tonight?” obviously I’m reluctant, but also obviously I’m desperato, so yea sure. Let’s do it. “cool” “cool” “k”  “thanks” “bye”.  Resuming said Seinfeld marathon, 7pm I get 3 texts. “brother is in crisis mode, gotta go help him, please contact me if you want to get a coffee this week”. AHEM. ME? CONTACT YOU? As if. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…

Here’s where the going gets good. I had to find out who this loser was that was playing me like a fiddle. I found his twitter (YES, that’s where the good stalking is) and saw tweets that were CLEARLY about yours truly…and they go a little something like this.

Friday. 4pm. “just made plans with a human. immediately feels trapped” OH RLLY? Friday 10pm. “passing on a hangout to prep for a job I have tmrw. Run-of-the-mill companionship vs. eternal.lonliness/success” ENJOY THAT.

So I decide to have my revenge. Saturday, 7:30pm. My reply to his 4pm tweet. “Ugh isn’t that the worst?”

Monday, 8am. “did you really tweet me about something that had nothing to do with you?” “uh, yea. those were obviously about me.” Then he went on a 5 text rant over how he cancelled on numerous people to get a haircut. That’s what the tweets were about. Swear. To. God.

Well, Virginia, I hope you and your haircut find your way in this city of angels, because I certainly will not be that angel you’re looking for.

& then we stopped talking.