#bad date

A new issue number one, though not a whole lot to differentiate from the old series. Clearly they wanted to ditch 'Archie’s Girls’ and offer up a “best friends forever” focus even as they continue to circle around the “fighting over Archie” dynamic. But they were doing so and could have done so while continuing the numbering of the series started in 1950. If that is what they wanted.

Nonetheless, issue one brought in a few stories clearly meant for an element of worldly concerns and at least a smidgen of character depth or development. Because it was issue one. So here, after Betty has a bad date with an obnoxious conceited college boy -- noticeable last second re-lettering job notwithstanding

my friend carrot cake and i went to retrieve candy elle from what was optimistically described as a “staking date,” which I still don’t know what it is. her date had too much to drink soooo we arrive at the Ye Olden Tymez Easy Sleazy Inn and vibe feeeelz off. candy elle is glassy-eyed but polite. the guy is vibrating at a frequency only MANY BOOZES can provide.

carrot cake announces she has to pee and/or poop, irdc. the women’s room has a line and men’s room is closer. no line. carrot cake and I disappear inside, me in the handicaped stall, surprisingly clean. she was pissin quick. I’d just started my stream when I heard a murmur and CARROT CAKE BARGES IN. I yelped because I thought it was a dude.

but her face is stricken with the emotions of someone who has seen the bottom of civilization.

apparently candy elle’s date had gotten lost on his way to the stall and instead shat directly into the urinal. with his whole ass, like he was adding a note to the suggestion box. no one stopped him. no one helped him. he was so drunk he was proud, and when carrot cake came out to wash her hands he goes HEEEEEEYYYYYYY!

we extracted candy elle immediately. the date tried to hug her goodbye. carrot cake is tiny but she blocked him with one arm like a nightclub bouncer.

later that night, a janitor wept.

Rating: 1/5

Book Blurb:

An online flirtation between two apparent strangers takes a deliciously wicked turn in a twisty short story about love, obsession, and deadly deceptions by the author of The Club.

Fay Roper is a divorced single mom and a globally famous actress. She’s also unlucky in love. Maybe because the last thing Fay wants in a man is yet another superfan. But somehow, every time she has a boyfriend who isn’t a stalker, he abruptly disappears from her life. With the help of her best friend and right-hand woman, Poppy, Fay decides to change the game and join an exclusive new dating app under a false identity. A subscriber named Oliver takes the bait. But Oliver likes to play games too. And only one of them can win.

Review:

Two friends decide to catfish one of their stalkers... but when the truth comes out there might be a killer closer to home. In this game of cat and mouse, bodies will be dropping, fake names and cons... and most of all, someone is going to finally pay for everything. This one had such a fun potential but it just kind of abruptly ends and it just leaves you scratching your head asking where the rest of it is and why it just ended like that. It definitely had potential, but mimssed the mark a bit unfortunately.

Release Date: September 1, 2025

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)