#tinderfail

I really just find the shit heap that is my love life massively amusing at this point. God really looked at rom-com and immediately ignored the whole part where romance is supposed to be involved. 

When I lived under my mother’s roof she said that I would not have a single social media account or a smart phone with which to access said social media so the instant I moved out I did like every other single college student seemed to and downloaded the local favorite dating app. Worst. Idea. Ever. I’ve had the app on and off for around six months and it’s only yielded three encounters that went beyond a quick, dry conversation or one date that ended with someone getting ghosted. 

Let it be noted, no I am not a super model but I ain’t ugly. I’m just right at that point where you’d show your friends and they’d be like “oh. yeah she’s cute!” Not like “Wow! She liked you!” but hey I’m not complaining... at least not in this post. Only one of these three men (or well honestly boys) who we will call “Obadiah” also lay in that realm. 

Oblivious Obadiah swiped in the direction that allowed us to chat and we quickly discovered we had multiple similar hobbies including playing the guitar. We set up a date to play together and just get to meet in person. It went well. Was I awkward ? Yes. But was he equally awkward? Yes. It was a first date. Once I got home I raved to my roommates about the first normal dude I had met in my entire time at college. “He is just so nice!” “And like actually cute!” He texted me thanking for the date and said he wanted to go on another one soon. I could hardly believe my luck! 

A few days later I pulled out my guitar to work on a song that I had been trying to learn for the last few weeks and realized my capo was nowhere to be found. Several room cleanings and apartment sweeps later I realized I must have left it at Obadiah’s apartment. (I swear there is no way in hell that I am smart enough to plan out a move like that that would give me an excuse to see him again but boy did it sound like fate had shined kindly on me yet again). I did what any other non-confrontational woman would and politely text Obadiah to ask if we could play guitars again hoping he’d just reiterate his earlier interest to hang out again and I could ask him in person if he’d seen my capo by chance... radio. silence. 

I waited two weeks, checked amazon and realized I had only spent around $8 on it. I was ready to chalk it all up to a loss but my roommates were absolutely pissed. They texted him through my phone (I should probably change my password...) and simply said hey I just wanted my capo back. Suddenly his phone worked again! It was a miracle! He apologized for not responding. He was “busy with school”. He swore to bring it by my apartment soon. And dropped off the radar for about three more months... until I saw him in person on campus.

Let me set the scene: I’m walking one way. He’s walking the opposite way down on of those sky bridge things. I look up and I know the look on my face when I recognized who it was must have been priceless to anyone who caught it. He was heading to the doors to get onto the sky bridge while I was about to enter the building he was leaving. We were angled to walk through doors directly next to each other. I looked to down to avoid staring and caught him look up out of my peripherals.

This man. Looked up. Looked horrified. All color faded from his face. He hurriedly glanced around like a rabbit that had been cornered by the big scary fox... AND VEERED TO GO THROUGH AN ENTIRELY DIFFERNT SET OF DOORS! I knew he was avoiding me but I had given up on my capo at this point and was literally just going to give a friendly greeting. (just a simple “hey”, quick smile, maybe a wave, and we both continue our lives as though we don’t even know what a capo is) Until seeing him I had moved on and could care less about the tiny tool. It was getting old anyways and I was already shopping for a new one. 

I guess I just don’t get why he couldn’t drop it off. I wasn’t really interested in him (especially considering that he talked to me like the barely two year age gap between us made me possess something akin to a toddler level IQ) but he’s the one avoiding me? I personally wouldn’t consider a 5′6″ quiet book geek a threat or something to avoid like its a literal demon chasing you to drag you down to hell but I suppose I can take it as a compliment?

I think the real lesson he taught me is that even though men may not be flocking in droves to get my “snap” or “digits” (I’m aware that term is outdated) maybe I can help run off the unsavory ones that don’t take my roommates’ no's for an answer? 

I got nuthin’

Considered trying to match to get their lifting routine.