#tics?

okay, so recently (in the past year, year and a half) i started developing what i don’t know how to describe other than tics? like both verbal and physical things that i can’t control and when i do try to control it feels Very Bad and sometimes i’ll get close to/actually will cry if i hold it in and then i normally give in to it anyways.

physical ones include:

-flapping my wrist back and forth (sometimes it feels good, sometimes i do it to the point of physical pain but i just gotta keep going

-jerking my whole body? i don’t really know how to describe this other than a whole body spasm thing

-shaking out my whole arm so i can feel it like in my neck all the way down to my fingers

verbal ones include:

-i roll my tongue in a high pitched manner but only for a second. it kinda sounds like a bird call the way i do it? i have to do it right or else i can’t stop or i do it right, but i gotta keep doing it anyways

-i don’t know if i should include this one?? but i repeat people a lot? especially if it’s a sound/noise i’m not familiar with then i just do it and don’t notice half the time. but also if people say entirely normal things like ‘how’re you?’ or ‘i’m going to the store’ and i just repeat them verbatim?? i feel bad because sometimes people think i’m mocking them but i’m not! i always apologize afterwards and try to explain i can’t totally help it unless i’m really focused on not doing it otherwise it’s just a reflex.

so yeah i’m 18 and i started doing this only the past year or so and i don’t know why? and i try really hard to control it but it doesn’t feel good to control it. even writing out this post and acknowledging all the things is making me want to do them and giving me the Bad Feeling.

does anyone else do anything like this/do you know why i do it/is there a way to control it that doesn’t make me feel gross??