#thwidale

Dale: Ah, the great outdoors!

James: How did my guitar get here? I didn’t bring it.

Dale: Ooh, mysterious. Maybe Bigfoot did it. Now I guess we’ll all have to listen to your wailin’. Bummer.

James: (grumbles) I hate you....

Amber: Does that mean I get to hear you play again? Thanks, Bigfoot!

Amber: Dale’s not imagining things. He-- damn it! There’s not enough time for this. Do you trust me?

James: [hesitant] Yes... Amber, what’s going on?

Amber: After we find Cora, I swear to you that I will explain everything. For now, you get the summary. Magic is real. There’s an entire supernatural world that I assume you know nothing about. You know how you like to joke that I’m weird? That’s why. I’m part of it.

Amber: ...and I’m really sorry I’ve been hiding this from you, but it’s been for your own safety. Now that’s fucked and we need help. Cora’s in the faerie realm now and I have no idea how to get there.

James: Sunshine, what are you--

Amber: Lucius Al-Ibris! I call upon your bond to me! Ugh, why did it have to rhyme?

James: What the fuck is going on? Why was your hand sparkly?

Amber: I’m a mage. Cora was kidnapped by the fey and taken to their realm. I’m going to go get her back, but I have to get you and Dale back to safety first. I don’t think I’d be able to teleport all three of us. And I just summoned someone--honestly I’m not sure what he is--to help me get to the fey realm.

Amber: Aw, shit.

James: What?

Amber: I just realized why the summoning spell didn’t work. Ugh, that asshole. Here, hold Dale while I try again.

Amber: [deep sigh] Lucius, I want your glorious body!

James: [yelling from off-screen] What the fuck?!?

James: I'm not saying I'm the greatest lumberjack of all time, but I need to rethink this whole football thing because I might be the greatest lumberjack of all time.

Amber: Yes, you've nearly managed to singlehandedly decimate this entire forest. Not to change the subject, but don't you think Cora and Dale have been gone a really long time? She stopped answering my texts almost thirty minutes ago.

James: I'm sure they're fine. Probably just lost track of time talking about nerdy shit. I'll call Dale, though, just so we know, okay?

James: He's not answering. I left a voicemail, but he'll never check it. I'll try again.

Amber: She's not answering either. But... it's not going to voicemail. It just rings and rings.

Amber: I think we should go look for them, just in case. I doubt they would have strayed far from the path. I'll send Jack a text so she doesn't worry. Let's get going. And... bring your axe.

James: Sunshine, relax! Reception isn't all that great out here, you know? Dale goes camping and hiking all the time. He's not gonna let them get into any danger.

Amber: I know. But something's wrong. I can feel it. Walk faster!

James: What d'you mean, you can feel it? What are you talking about?

James: Who did this? Fucking show yourself!

Amber: He’s still alive! Do you see Cora anywhere?

Dale: took... her...

Amber: What? Who took her?

Dale: I--I don’t know. I know it sounds crazy, but they had pointy ears. They were dressed like they were role playin’ or something. 

Amber: P-pointy ears?

Dale: I’m sorry. I tried to stop ‘em. They weren’t even interested in me. They just wanted her and disappeared into thin air.

Amber: This is not your fault, Dale. I mean it. It looks like you did everything you could. More than you should have--you could have gotten killed. I’m so glad you’re okay.

James: What the hell is he talking about? Pointy ears? Do you think he has a concussion or something?

Dale: gotta... find her...

Dale: Well, don’t y’all look cozy?

James: Dale! You’re here!

Dale: I’m guessin’ you’re Amber? I hear you’re the one making sure he actually turns in his homework in my absence. Thank you.

Amber: That’s been all James. I just proofread a paper every now and then.

James: See? I told you I’ve been trying.

Dale: Either way, I like knowin’ he’s got somebody else keepin’ an eye on him.  Hey, you’re coming camping with us this weekend, right?

Amber: Camping? Oh, I... I’ve never even been camping before. I don’t want to intrude on your time together.

Dale: Nah, you wouldn’t be. Besides, I’m sure James wants more than one friend around to celebrate his birthday.

Amber: Birthday?! It’s his birthday!

Amber: Lucius, where are your clothes?

James: Who the fuck is this guy?

Lucius: Sorry, but you summoned me. I was innocently minding my own business, getting ready to take a dip in my pool, when you started shouting about wanting to see my body.

James: Amber, do you know this asshole?

Amber: We’ve met a few times, but we’re certainly not friends. He’s been charged with watching me while I’m in the human world. So far, we’ve yet to have a pleasant conversation.

Lucius: I can go, if you lot can’t keep it civil.

Amber: No! Please, we need your help. Just... put some pants on or something.

Lucius: There. Is this better? You’re such a prude.

Amber: I am not!

Lucius: Either you’re a prude, or you wanted me to get dressed because you were distracted by my--what did you call it? Ah, yes, my glorious body.

Amber: Enough! My roommate has been kidnapped by the fey and taken to their realm. Can you help me get there so I can rescue her?

Lucius: What do you care? She’s just a human. They all have such short lives, haven’t they?

Amber: There’s no such thing as just a human. They’re as worthy as anybody else. In fact, the majority of them have been kinder to me than anybody in the magic realm. And Cora is completely innocent. She’s a good person, and she’s been a good friend to me.

Dale: So... Amber.

James: Leave it alone, dude. She’s got a boyfriend. Y’know, my roommate.

Dale: Maybe not for long. Did you know he’s probably movin’ all the way to Del Sol Valley after Christmas break?

James: What? No he’s not! Are you serious?

Dale: He told me this morning at breakfast while you were getting your fifteenth plate of bacon.

James: Hey, I’m a growing boy. He-- Are you sure? He’s really moving?

Dale: I guess it’s not sure, technically, but he seemed pretty confident about it. I wonder how your girl feels about all this?

James: She’s not my girl.

Jack: We should be back in about an hour and a half. Try to stay out of trouble. Cora, we’ll hit up that waterfall path when I get back!

James: Stay out of trouble? What could go wrong?

Dale: You are literally swingin’ an axe around while you ask her that. Twenty bucks says you end up bloody today.

Cora: Nobody’s dumb enough to take that bet.

Dale: [whispers] We’re gonna pretend to look for firewood but really we’re gonna sit on our asses and talk about video games. [yells] Don’t chop your arm off!

Cora: Couldn’t we just talk about video games here?

Dale: [lowers voice] Sure, but I’m tryin’ to give them some alone time together. Don’t tell me you’re Team Jonah.

Cora: Um... I’m... Team Whatever-Amber-Being-Happy, I guess.

Dale: Fair enough. Look, it’s nothing against Jonah. He seems alright. But I swore a blood oath in first grade to be James’ wingman for life.

Cora: You did not.

Dale: Eh, mighta been second grade. He was too busy eatin’ his boogers in first grade to worry ‘bout girls.

Amber: I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that I don’t know how to drive a car and if you cut off your leg, I have no way to take you to the hospital.