#thisis38

The last year+ has been devastating, victorious, emotionally excruciating, good, full of growth and not wasted. Creeping up on 40 and a year with a ton of time for reflection and getting to choose how I would respond to adversity has taught me quite a bit. I am celebrating a few things as I mark another turn around the sun.

Victory in my health. Sometimes a Facebook post really can change your life (THANK YOU Bailey King). I’ve worked to let go of over 90 lbs. and a ton of emotional chains with them! I’m learning how to love and interact with a whole new me on many levels (lots more to come on that).

Learning to trust myself and be ok when others disagree. Which as an enneagram 2w3 is a major feat in my mind!

This year I made some literal and emotional moves to be able to launch into a new chapter of my life (more to come on that soon).

In my health journey, our leader encouraged us to set non food rewards for achieving goals along the way. I knew pretty quickly what I wanted my reward to be however I was scared. I have not yet had a “life event” that has felt like it warranted a photo shoot. So when I hit my first major milestone I started working to fulfill that reward. I reached out to multiple photographers without response and almost gave up...but I realized I was giving up on prioritizing celebrating myself (which I’m terribly good at). So grateful for Bekah @ rebekahjoyphotography.com who said yes and literally brought something I could barely see to reality plus some. She walked through my tears, vulnerability and with the help of a 2000s play list brought this to life!

This is me at 38 (and a little bit)…

I started introducing her a few years ago and this year it feels like she (meaning ME lol) is ready to be fully known. This year is Joy…my name that had always been mine and yet I haven’t known how to fully embrace her. 

Deborah “the warrior” has always seemed more enticing (literally tattooed on my wrist) 

and yet when I think about my legacy and what I want others to experience with me…it’s Joy. 

My strength has carried me far and I’m sooo grateful for her and now she is joined by Joy (my middle name). This is me…this is Deborah Joy or Joy for short.

So grateful for another year of life and much more goodness ahead as I continue in the joyfuldeepend. Keep leaning in friends and celebrating all those events because you are the life event.

Special thanks to the Jones family for being so hospitable and letting us use their farmhouse for this photo shoot.

A year and some change has gone by since my mom has been gone. I was pretty silly to think that since we had a year of “firsts” out of the way that her absence would feel a little bit easier or that the weight would become noticeably lighter.

Fun fact: it hasn’t.

Because the truth is… there are still so many firsts she’s not here for. And many more to come.

Loretta lost her first tooth recently. Big day and lots of energy. I remember picking up the phone to text my family and naturally… my fingers swiped to her text mom first, which is still pinned to the top of my messages. I stared at the text thread for a moment. And scrolled back to some of our last conversations. I eventually took a deep breath and then proceeded to text my dad and sister.