I Was a Teenage Slasher - Stephen Graham Jones

EXCUSE ME.

are you fucking kidding me

It’s like 2000-something, you’re sat in front of the TV watching cartoons and you reach a commercial break. Instead of the Kix ad that has been playing continuously throughout the day, you see a depiction of a poor, soot-covered family driving their jalopy along a winding road in the woods until they approach an ominous looking refinery? Factory? I’m not exactly sure just imagine a ton of tubes and smokestacks and shit and make it like, 1984-core. They sneak their way through the facility cautious to avoid armed guards when the approach a pristine glass of pure white milk encased in thick glass. They look longingly at the liquid (which is surrounded by an array of lasers) and pull out a comically-large straw that they inch into the glass box and slowly into the milk. Just as the presumed father of this family is about to take a drink—he and his family look like they are getting their first drop of clean water after weeks spent wandering the desert—a previously unseen claw (like some GLaDOS type shit) comes out and pinches the straw! The father and his family are heartbroken, reduced to silent tears as the screen goes black and the title card “got milk?” is displayed alongside the accompanying voiceover.