#thiessen

Once more, it hadn't been a great day, and Esredes came home in a bad mood.

The Lord he went to see on Ferrant's behalf was rude, an Inquisitor had stopped him on the street and asked him all sorts of veiled questions Esredes was sure was just threatening him, he had been the target of ridicule in a bar yet again- he was fuming as he stormed up the steps, but even more, the cold was spreading through the room, the walls crumbling away to red fog and black.

Esredes ignored it all, and collapsed on his bed, the silence of his home crushing him like a weight. Every time he opened his eyes, all he saw was red fog, but he just shut them again. Go to sleep. It doesn't matter. None of it fucking matters.

Then he opened his eyes again, and the color scheme had completely changed.

His room had turned into a cavern, and he sat on the plain ground mixed with patches of grass. Despite being completely underground, sunlight filtered through the cavern ceiling, and some flowers were blooming in the grass patches. A tree stood in the middle of the room, with many shiny objects hanging from it. Esredes sat up and continued to take in the room in. There were two paths from this room, one following past the tree and the other leading off somewhere else in the cavern, and most of all, the ground around where he was sitting was full of little stones.

He picked one up, the soil dust brushing his fingertips as they all curled around its back, leaving his thumb to run over the smooth surface. It looked like a little black pebble, but it didn’t quite feel like one. Whatever material it was made of felt more like touching a pearl, but even that wasn’t quite right. The others all around were mostly gray, some with slight and dull color. Esredes concentrated harder on the weird stone in his hand. Why were there so many of them?

Then he felt an aura pulse off of the stone, and in an instant it washed over him. A Highlander in a dark hood that was in the crowd when he gave a speech at that Shiva memorial ceremony. The stone gave off his aura.

Huh…

He picked up another stone, this one mostly identical to the last, but red with streaks of black. Some Miqo’te who had jumped off a roof and said hi to him and Vette at a beachside party once. Then there was the Vulort’s house butler who mysteriously appeared to him on a roof and told him about his heretical past right before he was to destroy his master for past wrongdoings. A deep pink gem was the Bishop who had given him a long speech about how the Church needed to do better by a railing once. Several more passed through his hands, all people his memory couldn’t recall the existence of on his own he had never seen more than once. He eventually stood up, and made his way to the tree. The stones he passed on the way gradually became more colorful, a little more detailed, and that’s when he realized as he picked one up they were not just stones, but gems. This one was a light blue gray, still smooth, but this time it felt more properly like a pearl, even though it looked more like a regular gem. The aura pulsed out. Another Vulort, the head’s Shroud born daughter who had said hi to him at a party and called him Eraser for some reason. She was a cute little thing, but her gem was still fairly tiny… Another one of red with flecks of brown stood out to him. Who did he know that had a color scheme like this? He picked it up and examined it; it turned out to be Yves, which... well, it made sense the little thing was just barely resembling a gem at all. Even smaller than Aris’ was a deep blue gray that seemed between the stages of wanting to be one of those gray stones and an actual gem; the surface was not as smooth as the others, it vaguely resembled a gem, but not quite. It was still a pretty little semi-gem, but Esredes hadn’t a clue who it was before the pulse. Oh, that strange friendly Inquisitor who invited him to a picnic- Trigette? What was her first name she signed off with again? He didn't quite remember besides it starting with an L. Oh well, he wasn't sure if this little thing would change to become anything more than it was.

He moved into the next room. Here the cavern walls shifted a little. Instead of a simple brown, they became a little more shiny and closer to the color silver, but not quite. They were still mostly gray. More gems littered the floor as he stepped around them all, levitating some into his hand to inspect them better. The first was a pale white with streaks of equally pale red, and this one he recognized even before the aura pulsed. The gem was very fragile, parts of it were chipped, threatening to crack apart entirely if the right pressure was applied, and it still looked underdeveloped, like the facets hadn’t quite formed. Squire of the Axe. Gerivien, that was his actual name apparently. That Squire of that horrible Temple Knight division who couldn’t seem to decide if he tolerated Esredes’ presence or wanted to kill him, more bark than bite all around. A delicate and frail gem; one that if Esredes pushed even just a little too hard, it would shatter completely. Yet he gently levitated it back down to the ground. Perhaps it would shatter one day or another, but for now he didn’t feel like moving it.

Instead, he levitated a gem that was lying beside it. A deep purplely pink, and this one had sharp edges. If he held it in his hand, he would probably cut himself on it, unless he held it by the one edge that wasn’t sharp. This had to be… yes, it was the son of his Sharlayan friend who believed in him and yet threw a tome at his face once. That troubled, temperamental teenager he had gotten through to after having to do everything in his power to avoid him trying to instigate a fight with him for his heritage. Esredes smiled faintly. Unlike Gerivien, this one didn’t feel fragile at all.

He kept a slow walk through the cavern, levitating the various gems up and down to inspect them. A pale red and faceted little gem with a smooth surface despite the facets; he didn’t recognize it before it pulsed, but that was Lycelle, the Dragoon usually wearing the cute beanie and coat who he said hi to at parties sometimes. Her gem would look great in a necklace… Sylvain’s wasn’t too far away, the last of the Vulorts, a deep red with a yellow center. However, this one wasn’t on the floor like the others; it hung down from the ceiling by a couple thin threads, as if a spider had woven them, one blue and one brown. The edges of this gem had seemed sharp when he first saw it, but now he realized they weren’t particularly sharp. No more likely to cut than the average gem. Then hanging from the ceiling by a blue and purple thread and the same brown as before, there was a gem similar in size and look to Lycelle, but a bright yellow orange. He didn’t know many people who associated themselves with orange… ah, Colette. Well, he knew a few, he supposed.

The glimmer of these more developed gems drove Esredes deeper into the cavern. The cavern slowly became more like pure silver, even glittering eventually, and yet still there were patches of golden grass and flowers on the floor. A lot more gems were suspended from the ceiling in various colors of thread. Some even had it wrapped around the middle of the gem in multiple layers. While the earlier part of the tunnel had almost overwhelmed Esredes, here there were fewer gems, more vibrant and larger in their appearances. He let one float down gently on its single red string towards his face. It was particularly beautiful to him, a faceted and circular gem with smooth edges that mixed a deep navy, bright red, and soft pink all in one. Yet he hadn't a clue who it was until the aura emitted off of it. Fiona. Of course, now the color scheme made more sense- the red of her ever present beret mixed with the navy of her true form when she didn't masquerade as a small Elezen. He smiled faintly. It was no wonder she was such a pretty gem...

A little further into the cave, he floated down another one on but a couple strings that caught his eye. It was hard to miss this one, as it was crackling lightning and a deep purple that seemed like more lightning was constantly emitting inside it, all with flecks of orange. Minami, he guessed correctly. She was one of the campmates that didn't even like him at first, but they had worked it all out in the end. It seemed a lot more associates were in this area-  he found another deep blue gem that he knew immediately had to be Hilda soon after. It suited her perfectly. Then there was a bright yellow and smooth gem with flecks of green and brown, with a sunflower trapped inside the gem and the base of it wrapped around the exterior. Blue, red, and brown strings all kept it suspended from their place around the middle. Elouan truly was his sunflower, it seemed.

Soon he came to the end of the long tunnel, and there the cavern opened in a mouth, revealing the entrance to a golden room. Hanging from the ceiling by its entrance was a red and green sharp gem and a deep blue with flecks of lighter blue that sparkled like stardust, both of which he recognized immediately as Rusty and Dione respectively. Esredes took a few slow steps forward, but then remembered. There was another path back at the entrance, and now that he could glimpse this one's end, he wondered where it went. He turned around and walked back through the tunnel at a brisk pace until he ended back up at the entrance to the other path.

It didn't go on for very long, especially compared to the long, slowly changing tunnel. It was but a short walk before he found himself at a little pool he couldn't quite judge the depth of. Esredes stuck his hand in and swished it around a moment before withdrawing it. His hand wasn't wet, no trace of water droplets at all. Next he stuck his feet in and kicked them around. Again, he couldn't feel the water seep into his boots or pants. Hm... He climbed back out and, using the edge as his ladder, slowly submerged most of his body in the pool. Instead of sinking down, his body simply remained suspended where it was, even when he dared to let go of the edge. Esredes stretched his feet down, and dropped a little more down in the water. When it covered his face, the water didn't rush into his lungs, ears, and eyes. He was still breathing perfectly fine.

Now he had to have answers. He floated down further into the water. It didn't take long before it opened up into a much larger ravine, and the water ceased to be, leaving Esredes floating at the top of the ravine with no way out but that mere hole. It seemed to stretch on forever in all directions but up- down, left, and right.

There were gems here, too, embedded in the walls, but as he floated over to inspect them, they were all shattered pieces of gems stuck in the wall. He ran his hand over several fragments of a gem that was black with blue flecks. When he had been above, the aura pulsed out with a sense of warmth, that only grew the closer he got to the gilded room. But as the aura of these pieces came to him, it was distinctly cold instead. Bellona. These were the pieces of her gem- that Warrior of Light he had pulled into his war efforts without telling her everything. She fled when she witnessed him killing an Ishgardian, and his attempts to clear it up... did not go well, to say the least. And then there was everything her kind did afterwards later on- for so long, they had been nothing but angry at one another, she had most certainly threatened to kill him after he pushed her emotionally once on her own lack of care for Ishgardian affairs. Yet now as he ran his fingers over her cold shards repeatedly, all of the anger of the past was absent from inside him. He merely frowned softly. It's your fault. There came a whisper from his heart, a noise he knew he had heard repeatedly in the past, but never completely listened to before now. He had been horrible to her. The naive young woman had been willing to give her heart over to him, but she was only met with a mask like everyone else got. Maybe if he had found a way to explain himself, not been so scared about losing her, and then continue to ruin it further... He turned away and continued inspecting the ravine. Those shards were not ever coming out of the wall, and he knew it.

The other shards in the wall took many forms- many were lost relationships from before his exile, people he never saw again and was afraid to see in the present. So many shards... friends, family members, fellow soldiers, passing acquaintances he had completely forgotten about, and even the shards of faces and names he couldn't make out, obscured behind the helmets of all those who fell to him who sent shivers down his spine... they were all here, dead and fragmented without any luster to their pieces, and he would never be able to ask for it any other way.

The ravine filled with water in an instant, and he realized in that moment it was no simple ravine. It was an abyss.

And still, he kept floating downward. He discovered other Warriors' shards among the others. There was a spray of purple shards that Esredes blinked at in particular, then ran his hand over and felt the cold pass over him. Oh, it was the one who admitted to doing the act. That purple, tiny Duskwight in his Dragoon armor who tried to tell Esredes he regretted killing his at Snowcloak, that now everything was completely fine because he was helping the alliance and Ysayle's dream had come true. Oh, Esredes had no mercy in psychologically tearing him apart on the spot and watching him break down and cry.

Was it a warranted revenge? He asked himself as he poked at one of the shards. Maybe, maybe not; it wasn't anger that boiled at the memory now as much as complete indifference.

As he kept traveling, shards of a purple gem with orange reminded him of that courtesan who kept trying to come on to him. There really were some nasty little memories down here...

The further down he went, the more identifiable the shards became; these were people he couldn't forget if he tried. What tipped him off was a dull set of shards that seemed to contain fire in them; though he didn't recognize them until the aura came, he immediately remembered the final Vulort, the one he had put in everything to bring down after he sold his people out to the Alliance despite giving them the information on the caravans. Yet he was here on the outside of the wall, and that one was going to rot in gaol. Ah, how ironic the world became.

Down he went, deeper and deeper. As much as multiple parts of him wanted to go back up to the surface, he needed to see the bottom first, to understand just what could lie there at the bottom. He was near it when he came across several shards of orange with red specks. Like many of the shards, these looked very sharp and deadly, like they could kill someone if they weren't lodged in a wall, easily. He tried exerting force on the shards, but they did not crack or break. But oh did he want them to; these were Murielle's shards, and he knew it. Still, they would never move from their spot, safely lodged in the wall and buried, unlike her skeleton. He moved on.

The bottom came into sight not long after that. He passed red and gray shards that were among the sharpest he'd seen, and knew immediately it had to be that Dragoon who wouldn't stop threatening to murder him. He deserved his place down here. Nidhogg and Thordan's shards were right around the same area. But there at the very bottom, there weren't a lot of shards in the wall. His feet touched the ground, and he dared to touch a display of icy blue shards. They belonged to the Garlean scientist who kidnapped his allies and injected the blood into unwitting civilians. Esredes' hand recoiled back at the sheer power of the cold that came from the aura; it was like all the ice of Coerthas entering and exiting his body rapidly, and he exhaled a long and shaky breath.

He had seen enough. He lifted himself up again, past the whirlwind of shards of the countless things he had shattered over the course of his life, and at the end of the path of destruction, he floated right out of the pool and landed on the ground beside it. He walked at a brisk pace through the cavern, back towards the room he had neglected, and in he stepped inside.

In the middle of this room stood a tree with golden leaves, and all the gems hanging from the tree were larger overall than the rest. He recognized all of these at a glance- Mother, Father, Seraphiaux, Alise, Olivette, Ferrant, Heilyn... there were only so many, but each one was richer than any noble could ever afford.

Esredes smiled to himself and sat underneath the tree, resting his body on the soft golden grass. He floated all of the gems down on their strings to hang in the around him. They started pouring in from the other room, covering the floor and the air with gems, so many gems...

Esredes scooped them up in his hands and the rare urge to simply laugh escaped him. Ah, they were all so lovely little things, and just holding them in his arms and hands  filled the man with a deep sense of warmth.

This was his little treasure trove. And there was so much for him to keep close, to cherish, and protect from ever breaking.

He closed his eyes and fell back into his pile, relaxing all his limbs as he got partially buried under it all. For a while, everything stood still, and he decided he would stay right here.

----

Thank you everyone for coming along on the disaster heretic’s journey this XIVwrite!

@thecalmnessandthestorms / @heartofthefury Seraphiaux, Ferrant, Heilyn, Murielle

@yvesoix-sellemontiere Yves, Cardillaut (unnamed mention) Lacendrelle (unnamed mention)

@syerraffxiv Olivette

@whitewingsandblacktalons Dione

@thelemstar Rusty

@eternal-finis Lieuvanne

@momokarp Alise, Thiessen (unnamed mention)

Arius Ivarault (unnamed mention)

Krovennan (unnamed mention)

@axelstriker Axel (unnamed mention)

@rothalion Rothalion (unnamed mention)

@catte-bard Bellona

Lori Gerivien

@serdoctor Caligula, Eremielle (unnamed mention)

@future-exalt Hilda

@floating-city-of-nem Fiona

Tori Minami

Jen Lycelle

Nick Colette

@house-vulort Sylvain, Aris, Clovis, Gael

Soon after his confrontation with the mysterious maybe-scholar, maybe-Allagan bard, Esredes got to work. He didn’t know much about Allagans, or those who knew about them. But he did have one simple thing up his sleeve to utilize: Connections. After all, those eight years of networking didn’t go to waste. And he was still, even if it didn’t matter at all here after the war, technically their leader. So he began to ask around.

my boy thiessen is back! aka I Love To Ignore My Three Big Homework Assignments And Draw My Dumb OCs Instead