#theater problems

like please kindly STOP i can’t tell if you’re interested in me my dude

oh well

i will pine enough for both of us it’s okay

So fun fact, I was SUPER into this music in the 5th grade (had some songs on my iPod nano. Thought I was suuuper cool). I really liked the music and lyrics. Eleven year old me could appreciate the well written lines (“sear the soul and leave a scar no treatment can erase” was a personal fav). Also the music itself was good, it drew me in.

I’m no longer in 5th grade. I’m much older, and I’ve been relistening and reading the script.

And MY. GOD.

This show! I’m spellbound by the writing and the story telling.

(PSA: Im NOT a mental health expert. I know nothing. I’m analyzing these characters as if they were characters in a book. This is what I think based on the evidence presented in the show)

TW: mentions of depression, grief, and mental illness

Spoilers ahead!!

So! At the end of the show, when Diana decides she needs to leave Dan, their son Gabe appears to Dan. And Dan says something like “why didn’t you go with her”

And this is when we realize folks, that Dan has been seeing Gabe too. That all his lyrics have a double meaning.

We can go back to “if you don’t name me, you can’t tame me. I’m a perfect stranger who knows you too well”. Dan tries and tries to tame Gabe for Diana, but refuses to acknowledge his existence in Dans own mind.

The repetition of “He’s not here” we think it’s meant for Diana, because all along we’re Lear to believe no one else sees Gabe. In fact it has a double meaning. It’s Dan’s mantra as well as Diana’s. It’s Dan reminding himself that what he’s seeing isn’t real. That it’s a manifestation of grief. Dan has a slightly tighter grip on things than Diana, but only barely.

So let’s go back to the end. Why didn’t Gabe go with Diana? Because Dan hasn’t yet come to terms with Gabe’s death. Dan has just as much work to do as Diana. Fixing Diana would not fix Dan, which might be part of why she never seemed to get “better” and why she ultimately has to leave. Dan’s pain and grief are less visible, but they are still very much there. And if he doesn’t “name them” he cannot fix them.

Anyway, I love Next to Normal and I needed to put my thoughts somewhere.

Logan: I CAN HEAR YOU, NO TALKING BACKSTAGE!

Roman: *Belts his heart out for the song on stage*