#testo gel

Long time no see!

I read/saw a few posts about other people's transition experiences the last few days and wanted to write a bit about how mine was different.

First of all: I'm pretty happy that I haven't gotten taller or bigger feet. A little bit of height would have been nice, but I was so scared I would have to buy new shoes. From what I've seen online it's not that unusual to grow noticeably, so I guess I got lucky.

I'm still amazed by how fast my facial hair got dark. They have gotten more since I noticed the first ones, but it's not that noticeable of a change. It's not even just my moustache that got dark! I also found two little hairs on my chin. The peach fuzz on my cheeks just got a lot longer, but not dark yet.

I'm pretty sure my scent has already started changing, but not as extreme as some other people's. I didn't have a moment when I noticed it being overwhelmingly strong and different. So far I've gotten through the day with just normal deodorant in the morning.

My voice is still cracking all over the place. I haven't talked so much that it hurt in a long time. Maybe it got better or I just talked less. The louder I talk the wilder the voice cracks get, but I've gotten used to it. I'm excited to see where it ends up when the cracking stops.

If everything works out I can change my name at the end of this year. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to shorten it to my nickname, but I'll probably use at least one other name online. I just don't feel comfortable using a new name in real life. Online and real life also feel a bit like different people, not just because of the difference in language.

I have been on gel since the first day and I'm very happy with my results so far. There seems to be some people having issues with gel not being absorbed, but there's also so many who it works for. So if anyone isn't comfortable with shots, but isn't sure if gel works at all, it does for a lot of people. I don't know how high the chance of it not working is, but I've only heard about it recently after years of being in trans spaces online, so it doesn't seem to be that many people who have this issue.

I lied. Great way to start our relationship, huh? It's actually been nine days, but who's counting? (Don't be fooled, I am absolutely counting!) In case anyone is reading this, first of all I am very surprised that you found this, but also: I am talking about my transition as a transguy. I was female assigned at birth, but it turns out they were wrong about that. I am male, no doubt, my body just didn't agree. I am trying to fix that. My first step to do so is hormone replacement therapy aka HRT, which in my case means to increase my body's testosterone levels in order to obtain more masculine features. For now I am doing so by applying Testo Gel every morning. If you have more questions about testosterone and being trans* I suggest you go to youtube or google and search for something like "ftm transition" and you'll find the answers to whatever questions you may or may not have. Be respectful!

I have been applying testosterone for nine days now. So far so good. I am starting out on a very low dose. Eventually my daily dose will be 50mg/day, but I'm starting out at 1/3 of that, so about 16.6mg/day and I'll be doing that for the first 4 weeks. Because I am starting out this carefully, I really didn't expect to see any changes in at least a month or two, but things are happening already. 

Emotional changes

This is where I am seeing the most changes... or... not seeing, but you know... I feel an enormous sense of relief, and it's making me feel more, just in general. When something is funny, it's more funny. When I feel happy, I feel more happy. When I feel annoyed I feel more annoyed. You get the gist of it... or maybe you don't? For over 6 years I have been so occupied with just being trans. It has taken up more and more and more space as time has passed and nothing was changing. Over time, transitioning has become almost like an obsession, and in a way, the only things I was able to feel strongly about were things related to my transition, only. It was taking up so much, that nothing else seemed nearly as important and therefore I wouldn't be invested in it nearly as much as I normally would. Everything else was just getting the leftovers, which there weren't much of. It is confusing, I know, but it's difficult to describe it any better.

Physical changes

There really is not much happening here. I'm grasping at straws, BUT there are a few straws to grasp at. Very first thing I noticed just after a couple of days was how much more often I feel the need to stretch. Especially my back and my legs. Don't know why... but that is definitely something new.

Second thing. I do feel something right below my chin. I know this for sure, because I have desperately been looking for the slightest hint of an adams apple for years. It's not something I can see and not huge changes, but it feels more firm.